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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being paranoid? How do I handle this situation?

11 replies

salemswitch · 21/07/2017 13:37

I was once a friend with this girl, who I guess you could call a nice-queen bee type. And yes, even though she was past thirty and I was in late twenties that was the sort of mindset that we both had at the time. We were both single and attractive (however I dare say she's seen herself as way more attractive.) Then she started to withdraw from the friendship when I lost weight and started to attract more male attention (I know, sounds super shallow but I can't really think of any other reason for her sudden withdrawal.)

Eventually I confronted her, to which she reacted negatively. She also did something quite underhanded, we booked a weekend away together, and later on I found out from Facebook she's gone with another friend instead - I've already paid for it as well :-/ In a spur of the moment decision I deleted her off Facebook.

Eventually she contacted me after three years to meet up, but I'm not keen on having her in my life (doesn't seem like a reliable companion.) Plus it's not like she made any real effort - just an open ended text "let her know when free" which sounded a bit like a cop out, putting making any concrete arrangements in my court.

However what bothers me is there were 3-4 girls that we were mutual friends with. Ever since I've got that text from the "queen bee" a couple of them started to message me every now and again with these vague requests to "meet up" but noting ever comes out of these (i.e. I'd suggest Monday, it turns out on Monday Girl A is busy, she says Tuesday, turns out on Tuesday she has other plans, we agree on Thursday and then I don't hear from her at all.) In addition they often talk about the said "queen bee" in conversations along the lines of "oh would you know what happened to her? I've not heard from her in a while. She always says we should meet but it never happens." I also noticed some other friends we had in common deleted me on Facebook. Then I met some other girl we both used to know in town, we spoke about meeting up, the conversation was going really well, the. added her on FB which she never accepted etc.

Since these mutual friends have always been closer to her than me, I started to think that this is some immature revenge ploy. I don't know if I'm getting paranoid or not, but the time frame and the reference point of all these instances seems a bit off.

So my first question is - am I completely out of my mind and paranoid? AIBU?

And my second question is - is there any point in trying to talk to some of these girls about it? I feel tempted to just block them on FB at this stage but then I don't want to react out of proportion. And if I was to talk to them then how should I approach the issue?

OP posts:
user1499087279 · 21/07/2017 13:46

Do not talk to these other girls, it all sounds very childish and like they are fishing for you to say something about Queen-Bee that they can report back. However, you might be being a bit paranoid about the meet-up, if I was you and if you keep being messed about, be vague back and say 'just let me know when you are free' and leave it in their court. Also quit Facebook for a while, I did and it made me so much happier!

Softkitty2 · 21/07/2017 13:54

Don't bother replying and save yourself from the hassle.

salemswitch · 21/07/2017 14:11

@user1499087279

If it was just about these girls I probably would have, however I'm lucky enough to have many other friends that I enjoy interactions wit on Facebook. These girls I've mentioned - we've all met up at a workplace about 7 years back now, it was a very cliquey place and some of them I think are still perpetuating these dynamics, even though we've all been working in different places for years now.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 21/07/2017 14:11

WOW... I agree no way do you respond to any of these girls.... move on x

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 21/07/2017 17:10

You need to move on, OP. everyone here does tbh. None of you are 15 years old.

Penfold007 · 21/07/2017 17:16

OP your 30ish, do you really need this drama? Block these women and move on.

Allthewaves · 21/07/2017 17:19

Block all of them. Life is too short for that much hassle

Xocaraic · 21/07/2017 17:25

People are in your life for a reason, season or lifetime. These sound like 'season' friends. As they sing in Frozen...Let it go...

Namechangetempissue · 21/07/2017 17:29

Block them all, they sound ridiculous.

emmyrose2000 · 22/07/2017 00:25

Block them and move on. They're not worth your time, or the drama they're probably trying to create.

Re. the holiday from a few years ago - did she take some other girl on the trip after YOU had paid for it?! Effectively stealing from you? Please tell me I've misunderstood that!

salemswitch · 22/07/2017 08:23

@emmyrose2000 Yes that is true, it was just a day in a spa though. It was one of those Groupon deals (I think we've each paid about £30) so I wasn't as much bothered over the money. Just that she kept messing me around re: booking the date, and a few weeks later- voila - I see her and another mutual "friend" check in at the Spa on Facebook... Then I deleted her and the other "friend", and they both took offence for the next three years. I didn't make any attempts on rebuilding the relationship other than send the Queen Bee a birthday message a few months after, that went unanswered. All this time she's obviously been on her high horse.

Oh I forgot to say - she's done something else that was quite fucked up (pardon my French) - when we've fallen out, she reached out to my good friend (not from work) and they started meeting up together, I guess bitchinng about me etc. I'm not in touch with either of them now.

I think people on here are right, I should just stop engaging with these other women who clearly have some misguided loyalty to Queen Bee, even though we're all about 15 years too old to be engaging in this type of crap...

It's a shame they'd go and talk to me with such childish intentions, I was just going along with it as I'm generally a friendly and popular person in my circle.

Sorry for the long posts btw and thank you for your adviceFlowers

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