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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

2 years volunteering, not even a card??

84 replies

Workforfree · 20/07/2017 21:40

I've volunteered for a children's centre for 2 years, 6.5 hours a week to begin with, then 3 hours a week whilst my child was in nursery. I decided to volunteer as it was easier than travelling home after dropping said child off and I was craving adult company. I only volunteered in the office, doing filing, typing, all the menial jobs such as shredding etc. Sometimes there was no work for me, but I was always willing to do any little jobs they had and was crying out for work. I was under the impression I had made some friends there, we would all talk, give advice, listen and so on and as far as I was aware, at times I was quite useful.
Anyway, my AIBU is, I finished my volunteering this week as child is moving up to school and will need to find paid work, they barely even registered it was my last time there, no card, nothing. AIBU to be really hurt by this and think that a card was not that difficult to do?

OP posts:
Agerbilatemycardigan · 20/07/2017 23:26

That's shitty OP.

I had a lovely aunt who, for 20+ years would buy her church flowers every week, and even arrange them. When she was seriously ill in hospital, not even one person visited her or so much as sent her a card or even a small bunch of flowers. She was devastated. When she recovered, she still attended the church, but stopped buying the flowers. People seemed genuinely confused that the 'flower fairy' had stopped visiting 🙄

Floggingmolly · 20/07/2017 23:28

How awful, Ager Sad

Agerbilatemycardigan · 20/07/2017 23:31

I know molly decent people get taken for granted. It's so sad.

SunnyCoco · 20/07/2017 23:34

Hi OP I think it's terrible, I'm really sorry.
Some people are so rude and ungrateful. It says more about them than it does about you so please don't let it get you down.
At the end of the day you will have made a difference for the children, and that's what it's all about x

TheFaerieQueene · 20/07/2017 23:42

People are arses. I was a community governor at a local school and when I resigned from the post, having given up many many hours on a weekly basis, to help the school over the years , I didn't even get a thank you email from the chair or head.

quizqueen · 21/07/2017 00:00

At least you can include it on your CV.

BringOnTheScience · 21/07/2017 00:22

Perhaps this thread will remind people to thank the volunteers that they come into contact with.

I"m a Brownie leader with more than 30 girls. End of term saw one card from a girl going up to Guides. Not a squeak from any of the others. Another leader was stepping down after many years of service: three cards from families.

HunterofStars · 21/07/2017 00:32

I volunteered in a place once and one member of staff very kindly paid for our meals out of her own pocket. One member of paid staff berated her for it as she felt the volunteers should pay for their own.

GameofPhones · 21/07/2017 00:42

'No good deed goes unpunished' is a useful quote to bear in mind if you are tempted to volunteer.

justinelibertine · 21/07/2017 00:43

@user1497480444 Yes, I've had one of those too. Cocks and other vile drawings in it. The director presented to me whilst giggling along with them. He did try to keep a straight face when apologising about it.
I left it on my desk when I left.

Other than that, never had any type of card or gift. Wedding and baby inc. Most likely cos I am horrid.

However OP, you sound amazing. You'd def get a card from me.

FWIW, I gave our children's centre a big box of naice chocs at christmas after helping us through a bad time to be met with, 'oo, we don't reallly like chocolates'. Hm.

flyingfoxes · 21/07/2017 00:46

It's rubbish, I'm sorry. :( It's not like anyone volunteers for the thanks, but it's really awful not having your leaving acknowledged. How hard is a card, anyway?

HunterofStars · 21/07/2017 01:11

Posted too soon. I was furious that anyone would begrudge someone doing them a favour a free meal. Also my friend was told that she didn't understand confidentiality by a member of staff patronising her. My friend was a school secretary until she became ill. She was upset and her manager deliberately misunderstood what was said and got friend's mentor to find her some jobs. The ones said mentor chose were insulting, a trainee admin assistant being one and another was 0 hours contract. OP, I would have got you a card, some Flowers and some Wine and Cake. Some companies just don't deserve volunteers imo.

KarmaNoMore · 21/07/2017 01:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kkkkaty123 · 21/07/2017 07:54

This thread has really shocked me. Didn't realise our society had become so ungrateful and rude. How sad is that.

Imspartacusforreal · 21/07/2017 07:58

Regardless of your reason for volunteering, a card is the least they could do. I think it's quite rude.

user1493630944 · 21/07/2017 08:03

You are definitely NBU. In your position I would be tempted to write to the manager along the lines in your post, with a copy to the Chair of the Govs or equivalent.

HunterofStars · 21/07/2017 09:05

Meant to add last night that my friend volunteers and was told that she didn't understand confidentiality and when she complained to management, they deliberately misunderstood.

I agree Kkkaty, it is sad that society is becoming rude and ungrateful. Volunteers should be treasured for giving up their free time not treated like an unpaid extra.

Kbear · 21/07/2017 09:07

That is poor form yes- people are thoughtless. Well done for volunteering and focus on what you got from it and buy yourself some flowers for being fabulous!

Aeroflotgirl · 21/07/2017 09:11

Oh my god Karmanomore what a fecking wanker, I would have told him, then I will present an invoice for all the work I have done for you, saving you ££££. It takes nothing, to be kind, and display good manners, very shitty and unacceptable behaviour I am reading on here. I buy my kids teachers cards and choccies, and the driver and escort who takes my dd to school.

Laiste · 21/07/2017 09:25

There was a bit of a culture of 'them and us' at the primary school i worked in. I was there as a volunteer for 2 years and then as a TA for 8 so saw if from both sides.

The underlying attitude was that it was 'good' for the volunteers to have something to do instead of sitting about at home, and it was a privilege to work with the kids. Both true, i guess, but actual gratitude for the benefit to the school got lost in there somewhere. The fact that their work was valuable to the school was overlooked in favor of this 'they like to come in and help' attitude.

Lip service is always paid about volunteers when pushed - usually behind closed doors - ''0h yes Mrs so and so is such a help bless her ...'', but day to day it was all still 'them and us'. Once i was a paid member of staff i made sure to let the volunteers know what a big difference their time made to the children and to the running of the school.

ProfYaffle · 21/07/2017 09:29

That's really poor op, I'd be upset too.

I've volunteered in two places, one for 5 years, one for 6 months. Both organised cards and gifts when I left, both made me feel appreciated during my time there too.

toocool4cats · 21/07/2017 09:29

I volunteered st DS school, for a few terms to provide an opportunity for children to practice reading to me. I loved it and when I was no longer required I received a lovely card signed by all the children. That's how it should be handled in my opinion. I have kept it for several years as it's so sweet, a thank you goes a long way

MrsJayy · 21/07/2017 09:34

That is just rubbish a goodbye thank you card and flowers wouldn't have put them out miserable buggers

Laiste · 21/07/2017 09:50

Prof Some of the teachers at our school were lovely to their volunteer helpers. Some just weren't. There was no pattern to it. Old/young, male/female, NQT/experienced. There was one male teacher whom the parents all loved to bits. Great with the kids for sure - and bubbly and earnest and gushing at all the parent evenings. All smiley and hand clappy. In the staff room he was an absolutely vicious about absolutely everyone not on the payroll. And i imagine once at home he was a bitch about all them as well!

He was well known for barely even giving a grunt to volunteers when they left his class.

Laiste · 21/07/2017 09:51

That was to too as well as prof :)