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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To carry my toddler on my shoulders sometimes?

78 replies

Kokapetl · 20/07/2017 21:15

Because I get lots of funny looks and am wondering if this is wrong?

DD will be 2 in a few months and walks quite well so I try to encourage her to walk as much as possible but she does get tired and asks for a pick up. Carrying her on my shoulders is so much easier than on my hip, particularly as my hips are not fully recovered from pregnancy.

Pushing the buggy and walking with her is very tricky especially when I also have older DC. Our little town has a historic centre which is very buggy unfriendly (think tiny shops, steep cobbled roads, alleys with steps being the most direct route). So I prefer not to use it.

She is safe and happy riding on my shoulders. I see men carrying kids this way quite a bit. What am I missing?

OP posts:
LePetitPont · 21/07/2017 10:57

My husband does this lots - I can't quite reach to get him up there but if someone else can help I keep a very tight grip on his ankles!

Or we use a carrier for longer distances. Love carrying my boys.

TinyTear · 21/07/2017 10:57

Can't believe the amount of people saying it's dangerous...

I am actually even more careful when I take my girls on my shoulders (eldest stopped on her 5th birthday) and youngest is 2y3m so I do it all the time.

I have actually fallen down carrying the youngest on the sling, so slings aren't the be all and end all...

My rules are, I have to hold legs or hands, no steps and no steep downhills...

The toddler even manages to nap on DH's shoulders

LePetitPont · 21/07/2017 10:58

To clarify, my husband does this lots with our toddler! I don't attempt to fine my husband shoulder rides Grin

MissWilmottsGhost · 21/07/2017 11:01

Seriously, people judge others doing this? MN never ceases to amaze me Confused

I carried DD on my shoulders a lot when she got to heavy for my hip. I never felt likely to fall over or drop her and I am quite small.

The only trouble I ever had was with her putting her hands over my eyes, I would get her back by swerving her into low branches yelling "look out! A tree" Grin

We had such a laugh, she still asks me to carry her like that but at nearly 6 I can't do it for so long. I can get her in more trees though, I used to have to jump up Smile

flownthecoopkiwi · 21/07/2017 11:03

The only trouble I ever had was with her putting her hands over my eyes, I would get her back by swerving her into low branches yelling "look out! A tree" grin

we do this!

Ohyesiam · 21/07/2017 11:07

I did it all the time with my two. And I must walk round with my head in the clouds as I never felt all the disapproval that I now see people have around it.

Being risk adverse is very limiting, everything has risk, we eat three meals a day, which we could choke on, etc.
I work on not letting myself be ruled by my fears, having seen my poor mum limit her life so profoundly by doing so.
It's worked so far, my kids achieve well, like their lives, are liked by teachers and peers, have only been to a&e once, between them in 13 years.

NextInLine · 21/07/2017 11:11

I do it with ds aged 3. He walks everywhere but he loves being high up on shoulders. He prefers his dads as he's a lot taller though!

Dangerous and irresponsible? Come off it Hmm

Tillymintsmama · 21/07/2017 11:15

Another vote here for dangerous and a risk not worth taking. What's wrong with a piggy back? At least if adult tripped the child isn't gonna smack their head on concrete and die.

I literally shudder seeing it. Shock

PonderLand · 21/07/2017 11:20

I saw a dad doing the shoulder ride once, the baby looked about 1-18m and he was running full speed along the path in a park. The kid was flying up in the air and all he had hold of was his ankles :( it makes me cringe inside whenever I think about it! My DP does shoulder rides with our son but only on grass and I'm always running behind with my hands out!

JoshLymanJr · 21/07/2017 11:29

Dangerous and irresponsible

Honest to f-in Christ this site is full of crap sometimes.

I carried my girls on my shoulders the whole time. When we're all out walking DW and DD1 will race ahead of us - the only way DD2 and I can keep up is if I carry her on my shoulders. It stops her from getting tired and grumpy on long walks, is better for her if we're in a crowded place and is properly good weight training for my back and shoulders ;)

MommaGee · 21/07/2017 11:36

I don't think it would be any worse or more likely to fall than carrying a child on your hip
Height falling from. Trajectory. Direction. Is rather they fell from my hip than backwards off my shoulders or forward if we both go.

If its keeping them close I'd rather have them on reins. If its tiredness is rather take a buggy.

Howe Er my only judgement is "braver than me!"

HungerOfThePine · 21/07/2017 11:37

Makes me nervous seeing others do it but that's because I'm clumsy and have weak ankles so I can only imagine the fall.
People have been doing it forever, accidents can happen in any situation really so just carry on as you are if it works for you.

I rarely carry my dc as she is 7 but she is still light and I just hold her in my arms at the front or piggy back her. Carrying on hips for any length of time can't be good as your posture is squint with a weight on the side.

MissWilmottsGhost · 21/07/2017 11:41

I wouldn't recommend running for the bus with a child on your shoulders, though.

My knee was agony for weeks.

And DD nagged me "run again mummy, pleeeeaaase" every time I carried her Hmm

TheFaerieQueene · 21/07/2017 11:46

It makes me v nervous when I see this, but I have hyper mobility in my ankles and am a tad unsteady - doesn't stop me wearing heels though. If you are happy then go for it. If you see a blonde woman looking anxious and a bit wobbly - ignore me! Grin

MaximaDeWit · 21/07/2017 11:54

DH carries our son like this a lot and they both love it. I spend most of the time cringing because I'm worried he's going to fall off but DH has his ankles in a vice like grip and he's unlikely to trip so for us the enjoyment outweighs the risk. I can appreciate it might make people feel a bit uncomfortable tho

villainousbroodmare · 21/07/2017 12:06

I'm not at all risk averse. I feel unbalanced with DS 2yo on my shoulders and don't trust him not to lunge off, so I don't do it, but am perfectly happy for DH to do it. However, I saw this happen.

We were visiting a popular beauty spot, a castle set at the top of a rocky hill. We had our (easygoing) dog with us on a lead and were descending a narrow curving pathway with big rocks on either side. Suddenly a large aggressive GSDog, also on a lead, came around the corner towards us and lunged at our dog. His owner was a youngish man with his toddler son on his shoulders. He held onto the lead but lost his footing and fell backwards and of course the child flew backwards and fell in a heap on the ground. He was within one inch of smashing his skull on a rock but thankfully did not. The man obviously got an awful fright and was quite abusive. It could have been such a tragedy. It was obviously the dog's temperament and his not very bright owner that created the drama but I still occasionally think about how much worse it could have been.

corythatwas · 21/07/2017 12:51

Is it worse falling off the shoulders of a short person than off the back of a tall person? And those worrying about crushing- what's to say you won't fall backwards if you trip whilst carrying child on back?

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 21/07/2017 13:09

I still piggyback my 4 year old. I used a carrier until he was 3 and for his comparatively smaller brother at 4. I've stopped using wraps and carriers now because of the pressure on my shoulders. At 4, he's got good length in his limbs to wrap around me. The 6 year old is light enough to carry, but too leggy for my short legs.

It's very useful when a young child randomly gets too tired to walk at a sensible pace. I find shoulders a bit unstable because of the additional height and less gripping points, but the back is fine.

In 6 years of regularly carrying babies/ young children, I've never had a fall, much less land on them. It's a common practice in the majority of the world.

Original poster
Kokapetl · 21/07/2017 13:20

I feel more unstable carrying her on one side or in front than on my shoulders.

The only time I've ever fallen over as an adult was with my first in a sling when he was about five months old. The sling meant I couldn't see my feet and couldn't regain my balance because of the weight pulling me forwards. I did manage to get my arms round him to support his head, make it to the verge so we fell on soft mud and turn so I fell on my shoulder. It hurt for about a week but the baby was fine.

OP posts:
MissDuke · 21/07/2017 13:26

Those saying they keep tight grip of their ankles - this is where the danger comes in. If they slip back in any way and you are pulling on their ankles - they can end up with dislocated knees or hips. I saw it many times in A&E. I would never ever do this.

MissDuke · 21/07/2017 13:31

OP if you are indeed getting 'funny looks' it is most likely people not even realising they are doing so, they are probably thinking inside 'eeeek hope that ends well' not realising it is showing on their face. Either way, it is obviously up to you to weigh up the risks and decide if you are happy with it.

For me personally, it just isn't worth the risk.

Primadonnagirl · 23/07/2017 20:00

OMG just had to come back to this thread to update with what I saw today. Dad had little lad on his shoulders... Dad had headphones in and was using his phone.. child was using an iPad. I had to stop myself from running over and telling him what an irresponsible tosser he was.

Allfednonedead · 23/07/2017 20:27

I genuinely don't judge other people's parenting, apart from the time I saw a man cycling in busy traffic with a child on his shoulders.
That seemed to me foolish.

Queenofthestress · 23/07/2017 20:33

I carry mine on my hip, he's half the size of me quite literally so bit of a pain in the butt to get on my shoulders! Grin

iwishiwasrichandthin · 23/07/2017 20:37

My dd mush have been feeling safe and secure on her daddy shoulders cos she fell asleep! Her head on his head! She wears a little life back pack even though she is now too old but she's a runner so dh has that looped around his wrist and holds her legs

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