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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Late wedding invite

23 replies

Supermagicsmile · 20/07/2017 19:25

We've just had a last minute invite to the evening do of a wedding in a couple of weeks time. They cheeky buggers even had the cheek to include their gift request poem with the invite! It's someone we don't even know very well anymore and I'm sure we've only been invited because others are not able to go. It's about an hours drive for us and tbh we don't really want to go as we'd know hardly anyone there and we don't like dancing (which the even is billed as!) AIBU to not want to go?
How do I say no politely?

OP posts:

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/07/2017 19:27

"Many thanks for the kind invitation, unfortunately we won't be able to attend. Best wishes for the future."

PurpleDragon76 · 20/07/2017 19:27

YANBU.

"Thank you for the invite. We are unable to attend. I hope your special day goes well"

Done

ImLizawithaZ · 20/07/2017 19:28

Yanbu just send a pre written regret card, no need for an explanation.

Alanna1 · 20/07/2017 19:30

Doesn't it depend on whether you want to go? Lots of people have capacity issues at weddings. So you weren't in their top (x), but after you deduct all the parents' friends' and all relatives... it doesn't necessarily mean don'5 go!

Original poster

Supermagicsmile · 21/07/2017 05:32

Thank you :)

OP posts:

justilou · 21/07/2017 05:35

"Unfortunately due to the late arrival of your invitation, we have other commitments. We hope you live happily ever after"

Ceebs85 · 21/07/2017 05:36

I'd make a point of stating we couldn't attend at such short notice! No need to overthink it, it's clear you don't want to go!

PoppyFleur · 21/07/2017 05:38

It's an invite not a summons, politely decline due to pre existing arrangement.

Stressalot42 · 21/07/2017 05:41

I had someone phone me and actually say.....somebody's dropped out so you can now come!

Errr...second hand invite, no thanks!

TheNaze73 · 21/07/2017 08:03

I would sent them a decline card, 10 weeks late, like their invite.

Pair of chancers

PhyllisNights · 21/07/2017 08:06

A last thought invitation? I wouldn't even bother to decline it.

SoupDragon · 21/07/2017 08:08

Just send a "with regret" card. There's no need for snarky comments about short notice.

Tofutti · 21/07/2017 08:16

For once, I agree with Naze.

sonjadog · 21/07/2017 08:16

"Thanks for the invite. Sorry, we won't be able to come. All the best for your big day."

That's all you need to say.

CasperGutman · 21/07/2017 08:31

Almost all weddings have a limited budget, and many are constrained by the capacity of the venue too. We invited some people to our wedding because they were valued family friends or relatively distant relatives, but the numbers meant we had to leave others who are as important to us out.

If we'd had a late cancellation from someone I hope real friends would have understood and come along in a good spirit of they were free.

If you have something else on it doesn't have to be a big deal, but reply clearly and quickly so the bride and groom can ask someone else!

AlpacaLypse · 21/07/2017 08:42

It's an invitation not a summons. Sounds like you don't actually want to go anyway. Just say so.

If they've had a lot of drop outs they may be worrying that the place will look half empty and not have any atmosphere. Tough. Their problem not yours, especially with the inclusion of the begging letter gift request poem (which would be enough for me to have been Previously Engaged all by itself!)

areyougoingtoeatthat · 21/07/2017 09:07

I was invited quite late to a wedding once. I knew it was because others couldn't go but I was still delighted they thought of us. We were friends but not close friends and I know how tough it can be to manage guest lists.

Don't be offended since you don't know them well anymore. I would just politely decline and wish them well.

Trills · 21/07/2017 09:10

A backup invitation means that someone they had to invite out of duty dropped out, and you are the person they would rather have had.

If it's inconvenient, don't go.

If you don't want to go, don't go.

If the reason you don't want to go is that you feel insulted, definitely don't go because you sound like a grump and you won't make anyone's day nicer.

coddiwomple · 21/07/2017 09:15

Just send a "with regret" card. There's no need for snarky comments about short notice.

so true, why the need to be rude and unpleasant?
Maybe grand-auntie Sue and the cousins from London that the bride and groom felt they had to invite just decline the invitation, so they are free to invite people they really want to see. Maybe they forgot. Maybe some others friends have accepted and they just thought you would get on well. Maybe they are trying to gather numbers at the last minute, who knows. If you don't want to go, just don't.

RolandRat · 21/07/2017 10:26

Why do people get so precious about invites? Do people believe that they are excused from buying a gift if they do attend, because they've "only" been given a few weeks notice? Do you know how much weddings cost? On average they will be budgeting at least £30 upwards (more like £45) pp for food and a couple of drinks, yet your offended they want you to join them on their special day where they will feed and provide you with food and drink and entertainment which will cost them more than your gift no doubt. People don't have a limitless budgets, and venues don't have limitless capacity. Don't go and let them know in plenty of time, so they can invite a couple who aren't not miserable ungrateful arseholes. You might not be top of their guest list, but bear in mind that you family normally come first and they may have to pander to the preferences of parents who are helping pay for the day. At least you were on the guest list.

specialsubject · 21/07/2017 10:30

All wedding costs except the legals are entirely optional, so anyone blubbering about it can be ignored.

It is just an evening dance , op doesnt like dancing. Police 'no thanks', job done.

specialsubject · 21/07/2017 10:30

Polite! Hope no police needed!

coddiwomple · 21/07/2017 10:57

Do people believe that they are excused from buying a gift if they do attend

I was always told that it's polite to send a gift when you are invited to a wedding, even if you don't attend, possibly of a lower value if you chose.
I've only realised it's not the norm for everybody by reading this forum!

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