To feel like a massive waste of space

[Mrsknackered]

I am quite a young mum, I have 2 children and am currently going through a relationship breakdown with their father.
I was supposed to be going to Uni this September and I have been so excited about it. Unfortunately this is no longer the case. I have applied for at least a job a day (usually 2 or 3 a day) and have had 1 interview. Found out today that I didn't get the job (I prepped really hard for it - and honestly I'm gutted)
I'm a crap SAHM. I find cleaning difficult, I never stay on top of it as well as everybody else seems too. I enjoy spending time with my children and taking them out but everything seems to cost money apart from a trip to the local park that I have exhausted. We do a lot of arts and crafts but this takes hours and then I'm back to square one, behind on washing, mopping. I've never hoovered a mattress before!
I have 4+ years experience in radio production but there is no jobs where I live in this field. I also feel like I've been out of the game for a while now and there is always going to be someone younger, better, slimmer than myself and I've lost most contacts I could have used.
Honestly, I'm usually such a positive person but right now I wanna just roll in a ball and cry. But instead I'm watching DS1 spin a fidget spinner on his head and trying to get washing done :(

I'm sure others will have more practical advice for you, but I just wanted to say you are definitely NOT a waste of space. It sounds like you are a great mum. You will look back and remember fondly the moments spent watching your DS spin a fidget spinner on his head! As for the housework, you are soooo not alone. I am (donkeys) years older than you and I still don't know how some people keep their homes so spic and span. I missed out on the clean & tidy gene! And anyway, nobody lies on their deathbed and wishes they had done more ironing. Are your kids clean and well fed? I'm guessing the answer is yes, in which case, you're doing great. You're even doing arts and crafts with them - sounds like you are a wonderful SAHM.
As for work, I know how draining and confidence-sapping it can be when you just keep getting 'no' after 'no' after 'no'. But it won't be forever. Honestly, it won't. Sending you a big virtual hug. x

OP you're absolutely not a waste of space! You're clearly very intelligent and talented, as you have so much radio production experience, and a very good Mum

Have you looked into getting any careers guidance at all to help with applying for jobs?

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to x

Is there no way you can still go to uni?

Can you get the kids to help with the housework? Make it a kind of game? Or are they too young?

Why can't you go to uni?

Buy hamma beads

Colouring book - crayons

Argos book/scissors/glue

Give kids a paint brush and let them paint outdoor fence with water?

^^^

These things keep my kids going on quiet days home

Don't give up on a career. Childcare is often free at college or uni. Means your kids are having fun whilst you improve your prospects

No way in regards to going to Uni. I should of had enough UCAS points but in the end I didn't, overpopulated course and only one university around here does the course.
I could go through clearing however with a 4 year old and a 8 month old I need to have a fair bit of child care in place and I can't organise all of that until I know, you know?
The course I would also be doing is nursing, I have absolutely no support for the next 200 miles so night shifts whilst training would be near enough impossible. (ex) DP works in emergency services so he hasn't even got a timetable that is easy to work round in terms of child care. I would like to have to rely on him as little as possible also as he is currently struggling with MH and is refusing to split properly, he's not hugely reliable/helpful atm.
I have been looking up agencies today, is it worth having an appointment with one? I wouldn't be able to do temp work though.

DS1 has been helping out this afternoon with housework and DS2 has been obsessively trying to eat the hoover

You are not a waste of space! I think you know that but you are very frustrated by having no support. Your ex partner really needs to help out more, but if he's an arse I can see why you wouldn't want that hassle.

Hang in there. As you DC grow bigger it will get easier, even if it will seem to take forever...