asking too many questions

[heatherscot]

When do you just trust your childcare provider and stop asking questions? I have some minor issues that I'm not clear on - but don't know if I'm being unreasonably pernickety ie.does she let the 20mth old cry after nap for too long before responding, does she drive the kids round more than I'd like, does she go on too many playdates with other nannies, who are the other nannies/kids, does she give the kids enough time to eat their food before taking bowls away, do they get enough interaction time with her, do they do enough art and craft... so many things I want to ask but don't want to offend by constantly grilling! How many questions is too many, how would you handle this?

Why are you suspicious on these issues? I mean, do you have reason to think she lets your baby cry after her nap or doesn't give the children enough time to eat?

Hmm, no solid evidence, more feelings and wondering what. They have a very busy morning schedule to drop eldest ones off in time at school and shell often say that the youngest was not keen to eat what was offered...

does she let the 20mth old cry after nap for too long before responding why do you assume she lets her cry?
does she drive the kids round more than I'd like do you suspect she drives them round in the car to save doing stuff with them or do you expect her to walk every where? What's the issue wit the car?
does she go on too many playdates with other nannies why would it be a problem?
who are the other nannies/kids why? Do you not trust her judgement or the judgement of other parents hiring nannies?
does she give the kids enough time to eat their food before taking bowls away ok if she says she's not keen on what offered and you think she's just a slower eater can you not fiat provide something else and see if it helps? See if she can start earlier PR do more before you go to work so she's less hectic?
do they get enough interaction time with her I would imagine that depends on what else you having her doing
do they do enough art and craft see above and how do you define enough anyway

Either you have major concerns and you need to talk to her, ascertain whether tberes disciplinary issues, at what point you can give her notice. Or more likely you have control issues. You hired a professional to care for your children whilst you are at work. That means giving over some element of control. Alternatively (and I'm not actually suggesting this is a sensible idea) give up work and have them yourselves. Then they can walk everywhere, only jab play dates with people you know and spend hours sticking glittery things to the walls.

Undoubtedly there are control issues :) I do think it helps seeing your view laid out against each example thanks. I guess I'm wondering do I raise the questions up front with her even if they are a bit controlling and perhaps have her feel untrusted (probably not good, right?) or do I find other ways of reassuring my worrying / controlling parent side? ie.spend a bit more time with her or ask more open questions or just try to rationalise! Maybe take one issue at a time so I'm not passing on my worries in one go and risking undermining her. Anyone else handled similar feelings/ questions?

How long has she been with you? Could you schedule a catch up to see how she's getting on to discuss any concerns either side?
Eating and sleeping would worry me. The great i think you need to let go. When they go to work nursery or school you can't vet their friends or control their craft time

The REST not GREAT

I don't ask my childminder anything much, but that's because I trust her implicitly with my children's well being, due to the person she is. That said my only gripe is allowing my 3yr old to nap, as then he won't sleep at night.
Maybe step back of you have no major concerns, or find someone you feel good about

Do you need to go back to work now or can it wait a couple of years. You don't sound comfortable with your decision. They say the best place for a child is with their parent up until the age of 4 or 5 it doesn't work like that for every parent. Could you wait?

Kids at 20months are normally fussy eaters I've gone through it 4 times. I've never worked it out they are just so bloody fussy. My 29month old although it doesn't look like he eats much but he shits everyday.

Toddlers only have small belly's so I wouldn't worry to much at the moment.

My DCs nursery key worker used to fill in a brief, daily log of what they had been doing when. It was a really useful way to get a feel for the shape of their days. Is this something your CM does or would be willing to do? It was just a cheap notebook which lived in my DCs bag. Once everyone was settled, I found myself less interested in the diary as I felt more confident IYSWIM.

I'd want her to be offering other food if what is offered is rejected. And I'd definitely want reassurance on the sleep. I'd ask for a catch up to discuss things. A caring cm should be able to sit down with you and gently reassure you. Better to be honest and tell her you are having some anxious feelings about the situation. It isn't necessarily a reflection on her. As long as you go in very non accusatory, all should be fine and if she cannot take being questioned, perhaps she isn't the childminder for you.

Your questions are not clear, unless you establish what is too much, not enough, etc. Mostly though I think you need to see how happy your child is to be with the child-minder.

It sounds like you might be having concerns which separately are not huge issues but more that you generally lack confidence in your child minder/ nanny? I think you need to have a look at our list of concerns, prioritise 2 or 3, and then have a chat with them. I think you should finish that feeling reassured, if you don't, then maybe it's time to look at other childcare options.

That sounds more like anxiety than having genuine reason for concern. Child minders do not want hungry or distressed children- it makes everything harder!

If you really don't like the schedule of her days, then you need to find another childminder- she needs to keep her group of children gainfully occupied in a way that works for them all.

If I were you, I'd be resolutely refusing to indulge these detailed controlling worries and only worry when you see evidence of a problem. Interrupt the worry patterns by reassuring yourself that 'if something wrong was happening I would know about it through my child's behaviour'.

Thanks all, those are really helpful suggestions!

Perhaps try to see the bigger picture. Does she interact with your baby well? Is he happy to go to the childminder and seem content and fed on his return? Don't get too anxious about smaller details.