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AIBU?

Long school holiday

7 replies

gillybeanz · 19/07/2017 15:23

Just need some perspective as not sure how involved to become.

Dd is 13 will be going into Y9 in sept. her friends are all over the world, just a couple near to us (within 25 miles)
Now, we are meeting up with the odd friend here or there, but it's more of a one off than the norm.
She has school work to do, just a bit here and there as is quite behind.
Also, she does 4 hours music practice a day, which she enjoys and is expected of her, both personally and school.

She enjoys Art and Craft but besides this she just hangs around, helps out a bit with domestics and we have/ will be going away for a weekend soon. We also try and do one day a week in country parks, local parks and attractions.

Is this enough for a 10 week summer holiday? She has already had two weeks and doesn't always seem happy, a bit out of sorts.
her usual school life is hectic and she needs a break of doing just nothing.

So why am i feeling guilty and should we be doing more to structure her day. She isn't a baby anymore and I know lots of kids her age are sorting themselves out.

Off to work soon so can't reply until about 9pm but thought I'd ask for replies now.

Tia

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 19/07/2017 15:30

I'd try to find some kind of club for her to attend. There must be something locally? Drama? Singing? Arts and crafts?

Our library has an anime club which is beloved of early teen girls. They sit and draw anime together. :D

Ollycat · 19/07/2017 15:37

My children are just finishing year 9 and 7 and I have to be honest tgat they really enjoy just hanging out with friends in the summer.

I'm guessing your dd is at Boarding School? 10 weeks at home away from your friends can seem a lifetime at tgat age! Can you invite a friend to stay for a week and then maybe she could go to a friend for another week.

HipsterHunter · 19/07/2017 16:08

Its a long holiday.

If she has been at boarding scool she probbaly needs a week or so to decompress and adjust back to a much calmer and less busy home environment.

You get 'worked' pretty hard with sport/music/school/drama etc planned so you never get much time to just 'be'.

Although it doesn't sound like you have much fun stuff on. Are you going away? Have you arranged for her to spend e.g. a week at a friend who lives abroad? Offered to have any of those friends to stay? Can she stay with any other family for a change?

Are you working or at home? If you are at home can't you get out more than once a week doing things?

Is she doing anything musical with groups over the summer? Young orchestra residential or anything?

Basically yeah it does sound a bit lonely and bleak just hanging out at home without friends to see and just going out once a week to do something fun with you.

colacolaaddict · 19/07/2017 16:27

I think you need to talk to her really. Perhaps she could do with - dare I say it - more tech time chatting with her friends etc online? Invite a friend to stay at the beginning or end of the hols if you are close to school, or you could look into inviting one to stay mid-hols if flights not too pricey.

I think it's fine for her to have big chunks of downtime in the week if she likes that, but maybe you could try to do busier weekends, maybe long weekends. I'm not sure if she is a day girl or boarder but I was a boarding school child and I never felt at home at my parents' house, like I was just in the way imposing in their home. But mustn't project that on others. It makes a massive difference how introverted or extroverted she is too. If she is extrovert it sounds nothing like enough. If a strong introvert I would say a lot of downtime is fun but there is still such a thing as too much, and people can retreat into themselves so much it becomes a negative. I think I did that, but I never wanted to ask my parents for money to get the train up to London where my friends were, because I knew they already spent a lot on my school.

Does she have music lessons in the hols? I'm struggling to imagine how she could practice 28 hours a week x 10 weeks with no input from a teacher.

user1498911470 · 19/07/2017 16:48

I'd try talking to her and seeing what she wants to do. Are you in the UK? It sounds like she's been at boarding school or you are overseas at an international school.

everythingissoblinkinrosie · 19/07/2017 17:09

4 hours music practice a day and you are worried she doesn't have enough structure?
She needs to learn to kick back a bit as well. That's partly what hols are for.

gillybeanz · 19/07/2017 21:16

Thank you very much for the comments.
Me and her dad have unusual hours and it's hard to get a complete day off, but i have booked annual leave for a week in August.
We aren't going away as saving up for holiday next year, so much of our days off are free days, but she does enjoy taking her bike to our local country parks, walking and go ape type of places, which we are doing.

Yes, we are UK, she's a weekly boarder, but quite often she finds a reason to stay at weekend so practically fully boarding.
I'm happy to let her be, I asked about structure in the sense of planning her time not more work.
She does speak on social media with friends I'm not sure if it's too late to organise now, but will ask about a friend coming over, maybe just before term starts as some kids fly on their own.

I have spoken to her about clubs but she says she has enough of these at school and wants a break, but I like the idea of joining a small group at the library.
She certainly won't go on any summer camps or residentials as she wants to be at home, and i don't blame her.

She has two grown up siblings and she loves spending time with them and has arranged a couple of days staying at the eldests with him and his partner.
She has an x box and I've promised her a new game to play with ds2 who is still at home.

I just feel as though I should be making it more fun, but then speak to colleagues whose dc of the same age are just sorting themselves out.
I suppose I'm saying I'm not sure how much to leave her and how much to be involved.
If I ask her she says she's fine with the above. Maybe it's just me.

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