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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DC to take turns?

6 replies

RollercoasterFreakz · 19/07/2017 09:27

At the park yesterday with my DD and her friend . I'll call DD's friend Z. (both girls are almost 8 years old).

In the park there's a musical chime set which is set up for one DC at a time.

Z started playing with the chime and a younger child (around 5 or 6) came up to ask for a turn.

Z said outright no. The little girl said she would really like a go.

I explained to Z that the little girl could have a turn after her. Z said no she was playing with it and walked off with the chime.

I explained to Z that she could have it for 5 minutes and then to give the other child a go . NO!

The other child kept asking her mum how long until her turn - mum counted down to 3 minutes , 1 minute etc .

After 5 minutes I went to Z and asked her to pass the chime to the little girl.

She ran off with the chime and refused to give it ; she also became increasingly annoyed with me !

I was at a loss of what to do as Z is not my child and I couldn't physically remove it from her . I did tell her we were leaving but by this point , the other mum had tutted and walked away

Z was now in a bad mood .

I'm now doubting whether I should have forced the issue . It's public property and I think by 8 Z should be able to take turns

WIBU?

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 19/07/2017 09:56

I think turn taking is fair (when a toy is communal or say with a visiting child) so I think YANBU but there are a significant minority of parents who have no problem with their child hogging the roundabout/swing/ ride on for 2 hours at a time.

justmatureenough2bdad · 19/07/2017 10:24

the flip side is that it's also a useful lesson for 5/6 yr olds that they can't just say "i want a go" and expect to get it... it's an opportunity for the other parent to talk about patience and waiting for someone else to finish with it...

if z wanted to play with it for 15 minutes....why shouldn't she?

faithinthesound · 19/07/2017 10:47

I'm all for property rights and not teaching kids that you have to share the moment someone asks for something (or that asking for
a turn is enough to make the person currently using it just drop everything to bend to your whim), @justmatureenough2bdad , but that isn't what happened here. OP specifically says:

I explained to Z that the little girl could have a turn after her. Z said no she was playing with it and walked off with the chime.
I explained to Z that she could have it for 5 minutes and then to give the other child a go . NO!

In that case, Z isn't objecting to not getting a fair turn, or to being made to give it up immediately when she wasn't through with it. Z is being a little madam. It isn't HER toy, it's a public toy, and she got a fair turn with it. She is old enough to understand the concept of taking turns and the concept of counting down minutes until someone else gets a turn.

@BarbarianMum it may well be the case that there are parents out there who let their children hog public play equipment/toys but I think that's pretty irrelevant here. Two wrongs don't make a right. Letting Z carry on like that wasn't going to somehow stick it to those parents who aren't making good choices.

OP, you're right, you can't manhandle a child that isn't yours. But you ask whether you should have forced the issue? I would have. I would have taken the girls home the moment that first "NO" came out of her mouth (and yes, it's not fair on your DD who had done nothing wrong, but you can make it up to her with ice cream or something), and I would not be inviting Z over again. I would be telling her, and her mother, exactly why: that behavior is selfish, anti-social, and not something you're going to reward with playdates and trips out to the park.

faithinthesound · 19/07/2017 10:49

Sorry, I missed this question: if z wanted to play with it for 15 minutes....why shouldn't she?

Because Z wasn't the only child in the park, that's why.

NataliaOsipova · 19/07/2017 10:50

if z wanted to play with it for 15 minutes....why shouldn't she?

Because it was wasn't hers. It was a public toy, to be shared.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/07/2017 10:57

I think at nearly 8 a child should be able to follow an instruction to pass over a toy after a 5 minute warning. I wouldn't really fancy taking her out again by the sound of her behaviour. You might expect that sort of thing if you took out a 2yr old but I really couldn't be arsed with it from a 7yo.

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