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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a complete phobia of public speaking

30 replies

user1471436410 · 18/07/2017 20:50

So I've always been pretty nervous of public speaking but managed to get through it when necessary while still hating it! It's a small but pretty important part of my job - training, giving presentations etc which I have to do pretty infrequently. Since I got back from maternity leave 3 months ago I haven't really had to do any but had to do a presentation to a small group of customers (6 people) this week and found I was so so nervous I felt like I was going to pass out. My voice was shaky and I felt like people must have noticed.

My boss has now talked about me doing more of this, to larger groups and I'm absolutely terrified and feel like my voice will be completely shaky and it'll be so obvious I'm nervous.

Does anyone else feel like this and does anyone have any tips on what has worked for them in the past?? Any advice really gratefully received, I'm seriously freaking out about this!

OP posts:

lidoshuffle · 18/07/2017 20:55

I think most people aren't comfortable with it; but like anything, the more you expose yourself to it the easier it gets. Next time will be a bit easier, and the next tie easier still. Just make sure you are well prepared and know your stuff. You are never as bad as you feel you are though.

Can you do a training course to get you up to speed a bit?

Outnotdown · 18/07/2017 20:57

I feel exactly the same, and avoid public speaking at all costs. My husband used to be nervous, he joined a local toastmaster's club, and basically practiced public speaking in a very supportive environment. Worked wonders for him

ThreeFish · 18/07/2017 21:01

I hate it too, and when I really can't get out of it I can hear my own voice shaking. However, other people haven't noticed apparently.

If your boss is asking you to do more you must be better at it than you think you are.

My only tip is to know your presentation inside out. Plus plenty of practice standing up and speaking out loud and working out your timings before hand.

Chottie · 18/07/2017 21:02

I had to speak in front of a large group of colleagues recently and what helped me was practise, practise, practise.

I wrote the main 'buzz words' on small pieces of card and went to the room where I would be speaking. I practised my speech and also made myself smile, make pretend eye contact, breath and pause. After about 5 times, I felt more relaxed. The final time, I went out the room and then timed myself from the moment I entered to when I finished.

The rehearsal really stood me in good stead on the actual day. I wore a dress I felt comfortable in and did everything I could to boost my confidence.

I felt the fear and did it and I was so pleased afterwards. Good luck :)

peachgreen · 18/07/2017 21:04

I did an amazing public speaking course when I was having this problem. It was a terrifying two days and we all cried because they really put you out of your comfort zone. But it totally changed my professional life - now public speaking doesn't bother me at all.

Original poster

user1471436410 · 18/07/2017 21:06

Thanks - it's nice to hear others feel the same. I think you're right Lido on practice - I'm out of practice I think. Before I went on mat leave I had to do it quite regularly and just got through it even though I hated it. I haven't had to do it since I've been back until this week and it was just awful. I always avoid it if at all possible too Out - would never do it in a social setting. But unfortunately there's no real way to avoid it at work - I was even thinking of quitting today but that's not really an option financially and I know it would be a complete wuss thing to do but I'm so stressed about it! Never heard of toastmasters, will have a look thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1471436410 · 18/07/2017 21:08

Some great tips there - going to try practicing the presentation loads of times in the room think that might help. Oh Peach - how I would LOVE to be able to say that!

OP posts:

5foot5 · 18/07/2017 21:14

Agree about the practice but could I also suggest, if possible, that you practice giving it to someone, not just in front of a mirror. Could you practice on your DH? Even if he doesn't understand the subject it makes a difference having a person listen

0hCrepe · 18/07/2017 21:17

Yes I'm the same. Totally betrayed by my body working against me!
My life coach friend gave me some tips:

remember why you're doing it. Are you passionate about your subject? Is it important?
practise it a lot. Loads.
as soon as negative worries creep in divert them. Say out loud it will be fine. Don't say you're nervous in anyway to anyone at all. Not even your nearest or in here. Never. Be positive. You can do this.
visualise it going well. Over and over.

It worked for me. Honestly.
I did another 2 years later however where I went breathy and shaky voiced so hasn't done enough prep. You'll be fine after a couple.

Unescorted · 18/07/2017 21:20

You know more than your audience.

Original poster

user1471436410 · 18/07/2017 21:26

That's it crepe - totally betrayed by my own body!! I get the breathy/shaky thing too. I am usually well prepared and I'm confident in my knowledge/on the topic - if someone came to my desk and asked me to talk them through it I would have no problem. I think I just have this idea in my head now that my voice is going to shake and it's going to be obvious so I work myself up into a complete state worrying about it. Yes will try practicing in front of my DH that's a good idea. OK going to try to think positive!!

OP posts:

BuzzKillington · 18/07/2017 21:35

I have this problem and so does my sympathetic gp. Practicing, mind over matter - none of this works for me.

She prescribes me Propranolol and it has changed my life. Just knowing I have them in my bag and can take just 2 of them before presentations has been fantastic. I had a professional interview for my fellowship including a presentation in front of a panel of 6 people. This would have made me so obviously nervous but propranolol totally stops all of the symptoms. I now get people telling me I am a natural public speaker! Hilarious, if only they knew. I still feel scared but the propranolol just stops the racing heart and trembliness.

0hCrepe · 18/07/2017 21:39

That idea in your head, don't listen to it. I know your instinct is to explore it and try to persuade it round perhaps but actually you just have to cut it off. It's not going to happen.
Or drugs.

0hCrepe · 18/07/2017 21:39

That idea in your head, don't listen to it. I know your instinct is to explore it and try to persuade it round perhaps but actually you just have to cut it off. It's not going to happen.
Or drugs.

MuchasSmoochas · 18/07/2017 21:45

It is practice definitely. Remember people want you to do well and to hear what you have to say. Don't be too off pat! I've done it now for 15 years and I purposely pause as if I'm trying to find the right words.. but I'm just trying to make it sound new. You'll get there. And propanol is a great idea as it works on the physical symptoms as opposed to affecting your brain. Knock 'em dead!

Meatbadger · 18/07/2017 21:53

Definitely recommend propranolol! It slows your heart rate and tricks you into thinking you're not nervous because you don't get the physical symptoms.
My sister did a 2 day course like the one peachgreen mentions and came out of it being able to confidently do a 20 min presentation with no notes!

Kokapetl · 18/07/2017 21:59

I had a (lovely) colleague who would quite literally faint if she had to give a presentation! Apparently her Dad had the same problem. It was a minor but important part of the career she had started and after not very long she switched to working with animals.

So, OP, comparatively speaking, you are doing brilliantly to remain conscious throughout!

paxillin · 18/07/2017 22:03

I am in a role that requires nearly daily public speaking. When I first started out, I realised walking helps me. To this day I walk around like a caged tiger when lecturing, even though I am no longer nervous. I think it helps me collect my thoughts and makes it feel less like everyone is staring at me.

TyneTeas · 18/07/2017 22:05

There are some helpful things on this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/employment_issues/2965354-Wish-I-was-better-at-giving-presentations

Good luck

TyneTeas · 18/07/2017 22:07

This TEDx talk about speaking confidently is quite good

www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2MR5XbJtXU

babybarrister · 18/07/2017 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

user1471436410 · 18/07/2017 22:18

What, wait - there's a drug that might help me with this????? Did you find the GP would prescribe it easily enough or did they take some persuading?

Thanks Tyne, going to have a good look through those. Paxillin I do actually find I'm less nervous if standing/walking. The last one I did sitting down as it was a small group and I was actually more nervous - think I would have been able to breath and think better standing.

Barrister - no I am not thankfully! I would never have chosen a career where I had to do this purposely but it has evolved into it over time....

Koka - that made me laugh! I will pat myself on the back for staying upright

Thanks everyone, this is REALLY helping to know there are others that feel like this and get some really good tips. I might not have to quit and tell DH we have to move to a smaller house after all

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 18/07/2017 22:21

This was me. I was cured by taking a job in Nigeria where no occasion is complete without half a dozen public addreses and where I, as the resident white woman oddity, would be called upon to give impromptu speeches with no warning at all. It was a bit of a baptism of fire but after a couple of months where I was on the radio/tv or addressing groups of strangers/colleagues/community groups/ school children every second day the phobia disappeared and has never really come back. Very different fron the woman who used to puke with nerves each and every time and who used to visibly shake.

I guess moving to West Africa is probably not on your agenda right now but I'd strongly advise you to do as much public speaking as you can over the next few months and quash your phobia before it gets a grip.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 18/07/2017 22:29

People want you to do well, so bear that in mind - they are there because they are interested in what you have to say. I have awful panic attacks when I have to speak in public, but being President of my union means I have to chair meetings, speak to really senior people and ministers, and am often a guest speaker at events. I have been told that I come across confident and personable, even though I am convinced I waffle, am monotonous and speak too fast. I think because I am talking about what I am passionate about (and often wing it!) I get away with it. I hate it though, and wish I didn't have to do it.

MuchasSmoochas · 18/07/2017 22:32

GPs usually fine with propananol as it's non addictive, just explain that it's really affecting your work.

Yes to walking around and also a brisk walk outside can help before.

Also have a look at CBT. What is the worst thing that could happen? Is that likely? It's a cliche but true- it's a fear of fear, you're scared of being scared while you're public speaking.

And I know you might not believe it but it can be great fun! And after you'll think why was I so worried.

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