Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS, his dad and Autism

11 replies

GirlOnATrainToShite · 18/07/2017 19:55

DS2 has high functioning Autism I never completed the formal diagnosis process with him as he manages fine, has a group of friends who are also on the spectrum and he seeks to understand himself quite well.

He was 13 by the time he started the assessment. He wasn't bothered about getting a formal diagnosis, I have worked with kids with ASD and am fairly sure that's what he would have been diagnosed with - obvs am not an expert.

Split with his dad before he was born but always stayed friends, he has been very involved in his life. We were very friendly but over the years as DS has got older it's distanced itself naturally - he married and so did I and divorced and am now marrying again DS dad and I always thought that his dad (DS grandad) also on the spectrum.

I always suspected DS dad too. He struggles with depression and is very moody, lashes out and sometimes really inappropriate in social situations.

Tonight he turns up out of the blue (highly irregular) and asks me if I have ever thought he has ASD. I said no as DS was hanging around. He then says he's struggling within his life, marriage, relationships etc and was on the verge of tears and says he has tested himself online and is thinking about being assessed. I talked with him a bit about what he thought would he the benefits of it but it was all a bit awkward as DS was here (his dad was dropping something off for him but he lives 40 mins away).

Feel really bad now as not sure what he wanted me to see/do - anyone got any ideas? Am a bit worried about him.

OP posts:
Notevilstepmother · 18/07/2017 21:00

Can you make time to have a chat with him when DS isn't around?

Personally I'm glad I got my diagnosis.

If you are worried maybe phone him and ask if he is ok.

Notevilstepmother · 18/07/2017 21:02

Oh and there are support groups for adults with autism in some areas, tell him to look on the NAS website.

www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx

notoneofyou · 18/07/2017 21:04

Why on earth would you lie because DS was around? It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Leeds2 · 18/07/2017 21:06

I would probably phone/text, and ask if he wanted to talk privately when your DS wasn't around.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 18/07/2017 21:07

I just lied because he was getting emotional and it was a bit weird as we never do anything other than the "drop off chat".

That in no way suggests I am ashamed.

OP posts:
Polter · 18/07/2017 21:08

Please be honest with him and encourage him to follow up on his concerns.

notoneofyou · 18/07/2017 21:10

But you said that you said no because DS was there.

Why would saying "yes it's a possibility" be a bad thing for DS to hear?

BewareOfDragons · 18/07/2017 21:13

I don't understand why you lied because your DS was there. It sounds like it is something to be ashamed of; that's how it comes across.

I would call him and say you were surprised at his question, and that truthfully, you have thought on occasion that ASD is something that he might in fact want to look into in regards to himself.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 18/07/2017 21:17

I am not and do not think it's shameful. I was caught off guard because he was getting emotional and I thought he was going to cry and it was just a very bizarre situation.

OP posts:
GirlOnATrainToShite · 18/07/2017 21:17

He appeared at my living room door.

OP posts:
GirlOnATrainToShite · 18/07/2017 21:18

I sent him a text after saying yes I had thought so.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread