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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really annoyed that my kitchen's costing thousands while a friends having hers done free - AND she's moaning about it.

353 replies

Jamum · 25/03/2007 21:19

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

My friends has a HA house, and this years has had new double glazing and guttering - all paid for. And is now just had a lovely new kitchen fitted.

She chose the units and tiles. Has had a team of fitters, and is now waiting for the inspection team to check all the finishing touches.

AND then she's going to buy the house - but only once all the work has been completed for free.

Sorry but this makes my blood boil. We have had to save up for years to afford a new kitchen and certainly won't end up with a nice a one as she has got that my taxes have paid for.

(yes I know - it's jealousy and sour grapes)

Anyway - rant over.

OP posts:
MellowMa · 26/03/2007 11:09

Message withdrawn

twinsetandpearls · 26/03/2007 11:12

Am I unreasonable to moan that dp and I work bloody hard and I even work hard educating your kids for a pittance and I cannot afford to tile my kitchen and I cannot afford to stop in a disney hotel when I go to Florida ( I know get the violins out!) while the pensioner next door is hvaing a new kitchen and he goes to America twice a year and stays in whatever hotel he wants

BarbieLovesKen · 26/03/2007 11:13

custy, genuine in my opinion are those who have a disability, an illness or a sick child, widowers, one parent familys etc..
Not those who are perfectly healthy and have as much opportunity as the next person. In relation to the example I gave about dps brother and girlfriend - we are all roughly the same age as us (they are 2 years older), all in our twenties, they are young, very able, hundreds of jobs available in the area they live - they just dont want to work or bother and have the opinion that they are owed something... for nothing!! I cant understand that if we can do it -- why cant they?

I just believe the "not so genuine" are giving the people who really need the help a very bad name.

ScummyMummy · 26/03/2007 11:14

Good posts, custy and soapy.

It honestly makes me lose my faith in human kindness reading some of the posts on this thread. There reaslly is a "get the lazy fuckers to the workhouse" feel to some of the contributions.

I was reading recently that booming economies with low unemployment tend to start viewing poor people as lazy toerags who are individually responsible for their position and many more coercive welfare to work type policies tend to be passed at such times. I can see that reflected in the current reform of incapacity benefit (which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing) but also in Gillian McKeith and 10 years younger and supernanny and resenting people's housing association kitchens. We really are the new Puritans. [boak]

Troutpout · 26/03/2007 11:17

yes you are being unreasonable Jamum
but i think you already know that don't you?
I don't think you meant to offend ...so this isn't directed at you.
My mum has been a council tenant for 52 years. 33 of them have been in the same house. Paying the rent without fail for all that time. 2 years ago they actually gave her a new kitchen and double glazing. She got to choose some bits but she had less done in the end because she's 70 and didn't want all the upheaval.The council have done nothing else to the property apart from painting the door about every 5 years.
My parents paid to have central heating put in themselves.They landscaped the garden and have looked after that house completely.

Did she deserve a new kitchen?...too farking right she did.And it's still not hers is it? My dad died last summer...and so my brother and her rattle around in a 4 bedroom house. It's too big and she knows it...but it's so hard for her to give it up.

Tortington · 26/03/2007 11:17

BLK - i still dont understand what is genuine.

i have no disability. i am married and my husband and i work full time.

we cannot afford to buy where we live.

and as i have said previously, to come accross working professionals who cannot aford to buy is increasing.

are we the undeserving?

chopchopbusybusy · 26/03/2007 11:18

Exactly Zippi. People who have to rent privately are more likely to need housing benefit than those in more affordable council/HA houses. The housing benefit is therefore being paid to private landlords who have bought property purely to make profit and so our taxes are going to them to make them richer. I do believe more affordable housing does have to built. At least the council will still own those properties and continue to gather rent from them. Excuse me while I go and stick pins in my Mrs Thatcher doll (grin)

zippitippitoes · 26/03/2007 11:18

barbie

if they are as you describe then they are choosing to have less full filled lives

don't envy them that

misdee · 26/03/2007 11:19

dh and I owned a place at 18, cost us £54k, we were lo0w wage earner (supermarket shop workers) and stretched ourselves to get that mortgae. we had to se3ll that duwe to personal reasons and dh ill health means we arew now in c0uncil housing. i recently saw a flat in that block go for over £150k. there is NO way we'd be able to afford anything round here doing the same jobs we were doing then. even id dh was well.

KerryMum · 26/03/2007 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinsetandpearls · 26/03/2007 11:20

ooh forgot that one and I ahve a disability so can add thatto my winge/wish list

hatrick · 26/03/2007 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

twinsetandpearls · 26/03/2007 11:23

I was going to say exactly that Kerry I kwow when I was on benefits I got a lot of stick and accused of playing the system as outwardly I appeared quite well of as I put on a great front as I wold never want pity or charity. I had nice things as I had worked all my life in a relatively good job but in a year my life had been overturned by events out of my control and I found myself living on the streets severly mentally ill and dependent on benefits.

Tortington · 26/03/2007 11:24

keyymum - what she means by pick is that the contractor comes ound with 4 choices of kichen cupboard colour. same for worktop, wall and floor.

ScummyMummy · 26/03/2007 11:29

Yes- it's not like you ring up and say "I'll have the habitat kitchen on page 231, please." Decent homes doesn't seem to have noticed that my kitchen is horrid yet but I've had clients who've got new kitchens. My HA sent round a rat catcher today, btw. Isn't it awful that someone's taxes are paying for one of our undeserving neighbours to be rat free? I couldn't tell him that there was no problem in our flat thanks to our illegal cat. Perhaps you would like to call my HA and dob me in though, Jamum?

zippitippitoes · 26/03/2007 11:32

I was just going to say the same about picking..it is pick a colour from two or three nothing more

and you buy your own wallpaper if you want that

you can't choose to have eg a cooker hood extra even if yoy pay for it they won't put it in

dps mum just had a new kitchen and bathroom..first for 40 years since she moved in and it wasn't new then

she had put some doors on herself before to try and tidy it up

batters · 26/03/2007 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

contentiouscat · 26/03/2007 12:47

I dont think you are being unreasonable to feel that way - you perceive she is getting something for nothing whereas you are struggling to get to the same place. BUT ultimately she doesnt OWN her house - what you pay for is yours.

I am surprised she was allowed so much input into the kitchen certainly in this area something would have to be very bad before it was done and she would get what she was given. I do know tenants have been shown around houses here and said "oh yes it will do once it has a new kitchen and bathroom" they are told if they want it they take it as it is.

What really gets my goat though is at 50% of the 2-3 bedroom houses here are occupied by older couples whose children have flown the nest. We regularly get petitions round when the council start asking them to move into smaller properties - I refuse to sign as I think the larger properties should be occupied by families. Its amazing when it comes to maintenance its not "their house" and it should be done by the HA as soon as they are asked to move its "their home"

My friend tells me she is not planning to move even when the children have flown the nest as she will need the bedrooms whey they come to stay for the weekend....oh what about all the families who have to LIVE in B&B - not her problem I guess.

Another point is I thought there was a time stipulation between HA doing extensive work and you being allowed to buy it i.e you wouldnt be allowed to buy for a few years, certainly this is what another HA tenant here has told me.

contentiouscat · 26/03/2007 12:49

Regarding selling the bath - I expect the HA are happy to let it go so that they dont have to pay to dispose of it but technically her selling it could be constituted as theft as it was NOT her property. I am sure she will declare the additional income to the tax office and on her next tax credit assessment

Caligula · 26/03/2007 12:49

LOL at the cat denial

FluffyMummy123 · 26/03/2007 12:50

Message withdrawn

contentiouscat · 26/03/2007 12:54

£3?

They were asked to move into smaller HA property within the local area.

oliveoil · 26/03/2007 12:54

I got £9K to move out of my HA flat back in 1997

although I did grow up on a council estate so I paid my dues maaaaaaaaaaan

I can see the point of the OP actually, it would pee you off to have to pay for something if you see someone else getting it for free

Tis only human, no need for the pitchforks imo

bonkerz · 26/03/2007 13:10

yes cat im sure she will NOT declare her extra pennies! And good point about the big houses etc. Neighbour has a 3 bed house and just her and her DS in there!

Caligula · 26/03/2007 13:13

I think everyone who sells a CD on ebay should declare it to the taxman and pay income tax on it.