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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU baby & exs friend

43 replies

Frogboots · 18/07/2017 16:04

My exs friend constantly wants our baby overnight, so I feel like I'm getting less time with him, however she never wants to have my exs 5 year old over to sleep, just the baby. AIBU to be a bit weirded out with how obsessed she is with the baby

OP posts:

ShowMeWhatYouGot · 18/07/2017 16:49

Stop it if it makes you uncomfortable. I personally wouldn't let my son stay with them if I was in your position, it's weird that a couple would want a baby to stay that much.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/07/2017 16:49

Time to have a serious talk then with your ex.

'Ex, I am unhappy that when should be with me, you instead arrange for to have her overnight. I don't find this acceptable. Our is not a toy for your friend, but if you are happy for her to treat as such, you will in future arrange for that to happen during your contact time, not mine.'

FamilyHolidays · 18/07/2017 16:50

sorry it's all a bit confusing;

are you the father?
is the mother of your child giving your child to someone else during your time so that you don't spend time with said child?

If both are correct then do you think the mother of the child is doing that to prevent you spending more time with said child?

Are you sure that the child is actually going to the friend and not just your ex saying so?

I assume ex's 5 years old isn't your child so you don't want contact time with this child.

Original poster

Frogboots · 18/07/2017 16:54

Yes and yes

I'm sure that she is going as I've picked him up once

I have both of them week on week off and I like having them both however I don't feel like I should just have the 5 year old

OP posts:

coconutpie · 18/07/2017 16:55

I am so confused .... who arranges this? Your ex or your ex's friend? I would be very worried about this. You need to safe guard your DC. Why is your ex arranging this on your contact time? Tell your ex no, that you will not allow contact with this stranger on your contact time and I would seek legal advice on the stranger having regular unsupervised overnight access ...major alarm bells ringing here. Is your ex the mother of the baby and you are the father?

Original poster

Frogboots · 18/07/2017 16:57

Coconut - they both do, i don't know, I'm the father and the ex is the mother

OP posts:

coconutpie · 18/07/2017 16:57

Is the 5 year old your child or your ex's child? So you are expected to mind your ex's child and not be able to spend time with your own child...? WTF

coconutpie · 18/07/2017 16:58

Have you sought legal advice on this? You need an access agreement which states when you have access.

FamilyHolidays · 18/07/2017 17:02

Thanks for answering. You need to get legal advice and make formal contact arrangements.

UnicornSparkles1 · 18/07/2017 17:02

You need legal advice and you need to make contact with your baby official through the courts. At best it's weird, at worst it's really scary that your baby is being shipped off to some random and her boyfriend with no kids of their own on a regular basis.

Redsippycup · 18/07/2017 17:04

I've been trying to think what i would do.

I would tell ex it's not acceptable for her to arrange visits in your contact time.
If she does send your son to her friend in your time i would go and collect him immediately.

I would make the 50/50 arangement official so it is enforceable.

I would ask friends of ex who know this woman and her bf for their take on why she wants to have your baby overnight.

I would consider applying to the police for a disclosure under Sarah's Law.

Redsippycup · 18/07/2017 17:10

Depending on what the friends say i would decide whether i am ok with friend having him in your ex's time or if i think they are a danger to him.

timeisnotaline · 18/07/2017 17:46

I would say we will have to go to court over contact arrangements if you keep promising your friend time in what should be my time. You are taking my child from me. And refuse to let the child go.
Then I would consider what I thought of this friend and if I should try and do something. It is weird behaviour. No chance I would let my
10mo stay with strangers , and I don't care how keen the strangers or my best friends are.

honeylulu · 18/07/2017 18:13

I would definitely get your contact time formalised so it's protected.
I also wouldn't be looking after the 5 year old if ex turns up without your baby.

It sounds very odd and even if the couple have no previous (I'd be checking this out too) I agree it's really odd that they seem so desperate to look after the baby overnight so often. She might lose interest though as your son grows. Some women are only interested in the baby stage - sad but true.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/07/2017 18:43

Let me see if I have this straight:

You and your ex share week on/week off for two children, one of which is yours (the baby), the other of which is hers (We'll call this your 'stepchild')

Your ex arranges that her friend has the baby overnight during your week on. You still have your 'stepchild'.

No, this is not fair. If this 'friend' wants the baby overnight it should be on your ex's time. Are you taking the baby to the friends or does ex arrange it for the first day of your week so the baby is there already when you go to pick the children up? If you have PR you are entitled to pick up the baby from the friend's house, you know. The friend cannot keep the baby from you. And why would you take the baby to her if your ex schedules this for the middle of your week?

I think you need to go to court and get the arrangements legally set down.

Caterina99 · 19/07/2017 04:03

OP that's definitely very strange behavior. Even if nothing sinister, it's quite odd for a childless couple to request to look after someone else's baby several nights a week!

It's on your time though so you definitely have the right to do something about it

Pengggwn · 19/07/2017 05:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hortonlovesahoo · 19/07/2017 07:02

Acrossthepond: thanks for the summary. That helped!

OP: I'd be getting some legal advice proto and getting it all formalised. There would be no way in hell that this 'friend' would be getting my child during my contact time, especially when I don't know them.

Stand up for yourself! It's not fair on you

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