Aibu or am i lazy

[Aspieparent]

I have 3 dcs 2 with sn. Eldest dc is in high school has autism. Ds2 in nursery starts school september 2018 he has sn delayed development of 16 months to 2 years in everything currently under assessments to work out whats wrong. Ds3 also in nursery hes 2 starts school in september 2019.
I currently spend my life juggling the kids, appoinments, household ect. Just this week alone have 3 hospital appointments and a meeting a nursery. I really dont stop. I actually struggle to keep ontop of the house and even thought about getting a cleaner in once a month to do a deep clean (which i have been accused of being lazy).
Dh works 10 hour days and commutes an hour to work and a hour home everyday day. Gets between 1 to 2 days of depending and works most weekends. Hes just actually booked off 5 days to help me sort out the bedrooms as we got new furniture 2 weeks ago and i haven't found time to build them and sort the rooms out.
The aibu part is dh and mil keep going on about how great it will be when ds3 starts school as i can get a job then. Now we don't need the money. Mil even said i should get a job working nights around dhs working hours now she said if you dont get much sleep in week you can make up at weekends (which i can't as dh works most weekends). I am looking forward to having more time to have an handle on things not add to my workload but they go on about it that much now am starting to think that iabu and maybe just being lazy.

It sounds like you already have a full time job looking after everything.

Sit down with your DH and work out how to split the household tasks, make sure he agrees to take on 50% of everything including childcare so you can sleep after a night shift and committing to cover half of the kids appointments and sick days... it might open his eyes a little.

So they expect you to still do everything at home, minus the childcare during school hours, and have a night time job too. When would you sleep? Who would attend the medical appointments during the day if you are sleeping off your night job?

The suggestion seems to be that you go without sleep during the week and catch up at the weekends? So you would be attending medical appointments without having had much sleep? You won't take much in if you are so tired, and sleep can't be stored up, you can't have none in the week and then catch it all up in one long mega weekend sleepathon. They are being ridiculous, and why is MIL butting in anyway, it is none of her business!

I think you need to be firm, either you are running the house, which already sounds busy enough, or you are working, in which case you will need more support from him and maybe some paid for help.

You're not lazy! MIL needs to mind her own business! Does she ever lend a hand, or does she just prefer to criticise and talk crap?

Is DH going to cut back his hours in order to help out with the house, appointments and life in general in order to facilitate this job? I'm thinking not.

It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate with two SN children, and I imagine it won't all magically get better or disappear just because your children are all at school.

I think it'd be perfectly reasonable to get a cleaner if you can afford it. A lot of people have cleaners and it's nothing to do with laziness. I've had one in the past (or the magical fairy godmother as I called her due to the amazing state she'd leave my house in). There are finite hours to the day. If outsourcing some jobs means you have time to do something else (such as the health appointments) then it's definitely worth it.

Thats exactly what they think. Mil believes because she did it with her dh while bring up my dh its easy but she didn't have all the appoinments and only had dh.
Dh just wants to afford a bigger mortgage and believes they only way is me working. We can get a mortgage just not as big woth me not working. I dont think hes thought of logistics. I really need to spell it out to him. He actually doesn't agree with mil on the working nights. He thinks working during school hours is what I should do. I have tried to explain that i wouldn't be able to get time of for all appointment then he would have to do but he says he can't. But still thinks i can do them all as well as work.

Mil never helps just likes to critise. She does it to dh to no matter what job he gets its never good enough.

It sounds hectic.... are the hospital appointments going to suddenly stop once dc are in school? probably not.
mil needs to butt out.

you need to discuss with you husband what will happen.... if you get a job you need help with housework and children. Is he happy to do all childcare overnight, do the children sleep all night? etc etc.

I would suggest, if you NEED a job you go for something at school, dinner lady or something, just a couple of hours to get you out of the house.
But if you dont need a job, then I think your family may benefit from you being a sahm, that way you can do the housework, and be there should anything happen at school and you need to collect dc, be there is dc are sick, be there for hospital appointments.... DH cannot expect you to do all that during the day and work at night.

Crazy talk. I think when dh is off for 5 days you should stay at a friend's and leave him to it. I really would do this.

Thats a good idea freakin.
I don't need a job i think i am more needed at home.

You should mention it to him see the blood drain from his face