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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to think this is just an excuse?

23 replies

aliphil · 17/07/2017 21:02

DD's fifth birthday is coming up and I've been chasing invitation replies. One mum has eventually answered to say sorry, her DS can't come, because she's working and so her DP won't have any transport. They live half a mile away at most. DD walks that distance to school every day so it doesn't seem far enough to need a car to me. Not that I'll say anything, of course, I'm just a bit Hmm that she couldn't come up with a better excuse!

OP posts:
Orangepear · 17/07/2017 21:04

Maybe the DP has mobility problems?

GreenRut · 17/07/2017 21:07

I was thinking the same as pp, maybe the DP has problems with that walk. Maybe they other dc who, for whatever reason, have problems with the walk? Or maybe there's another valid reason which she didn't want to go into. I've done that recently (was very boring, but I wouldn't have made the 30 min bus ride there did back and been able to collect my other dc from a club on time, but I didn't bore the other parent with the details!)

luckylucky24 · 17/07/2017 21:07

No footpath? Maybe her DH cannot walk very far?

My MIL Said she couldn't come to my hen do as she was working. She owns the business with her bother so could easily have come but didn't want to. I didn't mind but was a little offended at the crap excuse,

Rhubarbtart9 · 17/07/2017 21:09

1/2 a mile is 10 minute walk. So unless she's got mobility issues, it's very lazy

Sirzy · 17/07/2017 21:09

Ds couldn't walk half a mile each way and do a party. Would be impossible for him due to his mobility problems (that very few parents at the school are aware of)

pasturesgreen · 17/07/2017 21:10

There may literally be a myriad valid reasons why the DP is unable to make the walk. You don't know, so don't jump to conclusions.

user1498911470 · 17/07/2017 21:12

I wouldn't be able to do it, one of those pesky invisible health problems that people assume don't exist because they can't see any signs of it.

rinabean · 17/07/2017 21:14

This is like when people think underpants need their own special overpants to hide them and things like that. Pantyliners for your pantyliners for your knickers

She gave an excuse to not hurt your feelings. But your feelings are hurt because it should have been an extra good excuse.

She could have just said "I reckon it'll be shit, also I hate you", I mean, that's not what you want is it?

She's not coming. Don't stress about the details like this. She hasn't done anything wrong. You could be relaxing, it's a lovely evening. Maybe she's telling the truth, maybe it's a lie. It doesn't matter. You're being totally unreasonable. It's not a slight on you or your daughter

Violetcharlotte · 17/07/2017 21:15

It could be that her DP is an arse and she knows he won't take him (my ex was like this). Easier to make an excuse than have a row about it/ say he'll come than not show.

Jupitar · 17/07/2017 21:18

My ex wouldn't have walked the kids to a party and walked them back again, so be glad you know in advance that child can't come .

Original poster
aliphil · 17/07/2017 21:19

Fair enough, I just thought it seemed a bit odd. Her DP and DS don't have obvious mobility problems but I hadn't thought of invisible ones. DD will be disappointed as she thinks the DS is wonderful (not sure it's mutual!) but that's life.

OP posts:
bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 17/07/2017 21:23

It could be that her DP/DH can't be arsed and she's too embarrassed to say! I say this from experience. It is ME who does the party runs. DH always makes some excuse. It works because he has NEVER, ONCE attended a party that our child has been invited to. I do it simply because I cannot be arsed with the agro plus he'll end up embarrassing me or our DS!

It could also be that the parents don't want their son going to a girl's party (heard that one before) and know they'll be flamed for it if found out!

Does she know that you know where she lives? That aspect of her 'lie' may not have been apparent to her.

Whatever, if the parents do not have a genuine excuse for their son not attending, there is nothing you can do about it. Just shrug it off and reconsider inviting for the next party.

TheUpsideDown · 17/07/2017 21:25

This is like when people think underpants need their own special overpants to hide them and things like that. Pantyliners for your pantyliners for your knickers

Huh? Confused

DancingLedge · 17/07/2017 21:33

Some days I could walk that far , or further, and enjoy it.
The next day, I might be in so much pain that 1/2 mile , both ways, plus again to collect, and I wouldn't contemplate it.

indigox · 17/07/2017 21:34

She didn't need to give an excuse at all, no is enough.

Sprinklestar · 17/07/2017 21:36

Poor child. Even if the dad does have mobility problems, he could Uber or taxi! How rude, really.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 17/07/2017 21:41

This is like when people think underpants need their own special overpants to hide them and things like that. Pantyliners for your pantyliners for your knickers

What on earth are you talking about?Grin

OP could be all sorts of reasons,don't stress,just accept they're not coming.

Louiselouie0890 · 17/07/2017 22:12

Do parents have to stay maybe they don't feel comfortable stating I know my husband wouldn't want to go sit with a bunch of people he didn't know or if they do t have to stay maybe he can't be bothered to walk there back there back so two miles

RiverTam · 17/07/2017 22:15

There could be a myriad of reasons but I reckon the most likely one is that escorting children to parties is wifework so he can't possibly be expected to do it. Call me cynical ....

jemsywemsy · 17/07/2017 22:24

Maybe she just has a policy of only letting her DS go to parties of friends he plays a lot with? I've had responses to DCs' invitations that have simply say "X can't make it, sorry" - I don't feel like I'm owed an explanation and it might be that their kid just doesn't want to come or they can't be arsed taking them, or they might have plans...not really any of my business!

Flopjustwantscoffee · 17/07/2017 22:43

Yeah, it's obviously up to her husband if he goes since he's looking g after the child that day (fair enough) and for whatever reason he doesn't want to take them. But because shes the one that knows you she feels she has to give an excuse.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 17/07/2017 22:46

And more generally isn't it interesting that the mum is always expected to be the one to come up with an excuse (and people are speculating about why she might not want them to go) even though it is the dad who is looking after them...

ittakes2 · 18/07/2017 01:30

Maybe she's searching for you to offer to collect him?

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