Dreading going away with the inlaws?!

[user1491508013]

We're going away for a week next week with my inlaws and I'm absolutely dreading it!

Don't get me wrong they are fine in short bursts but a whole week seems an eternity! I'm fed up of being sidelined and everybody acting as if DH is our toddler's only parent- nothing like inlaws to make you feel like a nothing more than a breeding machine!

Anybody got any tips for surviving?!

Well if he's the only parent, perhaps you can go off for lovely days exploring on your own?

Lots of or

Why are you going with them?

Yes go and do your own thing alone with your DC occasionally. Take a good book and pass comments about how nice it is that you have a break from the constant childcare

You have my sympathy.

Thanks ladies- definitely going down the route I think!

I felt I had no choice- 2 families are going and it would have caused a lot of issues with DH if I'd have refused as we wld have been the only ones. Also he thinks his family can do no wrong (he is blissfully ignorant of MIL's passive aggressive controlling behaviour and blows up if i dare say anything- total nightmare in our relationship!)

he is blissfully ignorant of MIL's passive aggressive controlling behaviour and blows up if i dare say anything- total nightmare in our relationship!

^I read stuff like this and wonder why women marry these men who are enmeshed in mummy's (aka the love of their life) apron strings. You'll need wine, over the years. But do try to have a good time on holiday, its not all about them. If they want to coo over DH & DCs giving you lots of lovely free time then let them. Hopefully its somewhere you can lie on a beach with a good book

Maybe you could have a bout of d&v (if you are an ok actress) and stay behind?

I agree, if DH is only parent, go and enjoy a toddler responsibility free holiday. When/If toddler tantrums (not sure if yours will) let DH sort him/her out. Enjoy a lie in as DH gets up with DC as u are obviously incapable.
Oh and as somebody who has been in that type of relationship where DH is a mummys boy and I was just a breeding machine...keep strong, I know its tough. And I am afraid it will probably not ever change. I even had it out with MIL. But she said her sons were her life and isnt ready to let go. I explained she will always be DM. But it got worse after that. I am now out of that relationship. Not because of MIL but I am sure it put a strain on our life. Obviously our relationship wasnt strong enough. I am now with somebody who doesn't speak to either parent ever! His Auntie is like his Mum and she is just a wonderful lady.
Anyway I am rambling on now.
Go and enjoy your holiday. Drink plenty 🍹 your DH and DC will enjoy GPs attention.

Are the in laws paying for your holiday, by any chance?

The problem is DH thinking going with them is a good idea if you are not happy. I had to do this, once and once only, and I was bored to death, the whole holiday was dull as hell. In retrospect I should have taken stuff to read, a laptop, and then organised some trips out with just DH (at the time) and/or DC. I'm sure it would have been less suffocating.

Looking at the picture as a whole, you have a major issue with DH and his dependency on PIL. I think you will need to tackle that at its very root if you are to be happy going forward. For me, divorce solved the problem, but I hope you can avoid that

Could you call out MIL on her passive aggressive controlling behaviour in your H's presence? If she says something when he's not there, say something like 'H, your MIL just said...' when he comes back, so that she can't wriggle out of it.

If he is consistently putting MIL over his wife then something has to give at some point.

I'm with the pp who have said about you relaxing and letting your dh and pil look after your dc the majority of the time. I have learned to do this with my ils and it has made my life so much easier. I don't worry so much about how I am perceived and I can read a book, watch a film on my iPad or go for a wander around the place on my own or with dh. It's lovely!

I've just come back from this scenario, although I also had to contend with snippy comments about 'still breastfeeding' my 9 month old

Drink, a lot. Everyday.

Don't be afraid to assert yourself and don't change the way you parent to appease them

@FuckyDuck really interested to know what comments on breastfeeding 9 month old. Hope they were in line with Omg you are doing amazing.

@usernameavailable no.

'Oh, are you STILL feeding her?!'

'Isn't she getting a bit big for that now'

'Silly mummy - she's making a rod for her own back'

They also advocate cry it out and are big on formula and a baby fitting in with you. I'm very much work to her cues and I'll stop when she wants to stop.

This is my idea of hell: not the MiL bit (my MiL is fab, truly like a 2nd mum, and I'd love her to join us on holiday), but the 2 other families and their DC.

I just like holidays that are quiet and where we can do what we like, when we like. Can't be doing with accommodating other people's needs on MY holiday.

So my advice is books, wine and lots of lying down and dozing, in your room or even in the bath if it's the only place where you can get time to yourself.

Just let him take the toddler and pootle around at home catching up with people and eating biscuits.

Does your MIL save her PA comments for your ears alone? If so out her every time; when the others are around loudly relay what she's said: "DH, your mum was telling me she's worried x is becoming a right little Madame!". To SIL: "MIL was telling me your y never had tantrums like our x! However do you do it!?", "MIL was just comparing y to x, and thinks x is delayed. Can you talk her through it darling?"
Honestly, unless you have concerns about your toddler's care in your absence, just don't go. Shame on your husband for not having your back.