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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if you ended your marriage

25 replies

beeshoney2 · 17/07/2017 17:54

Did you do so believing someone better was waiting for you?

I don't mean 'were you having an affair' I mean if you left in say 2008 did you think sometime in the future you'd meet someone better?

OP posts:
OstentatiousWanking · 17/07/2017 17:55

No. I just could be with that person any longer.

Groupie123 · 17/07/2017 17:57

I left my ex-DP (of nearly 5 years) in a heartbeat the first time he slapped me. I didn't leave with an idea of a someone better, just that I deserved better.

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 17/07/2017 17:58

I did. I met someone else and ended it with my ex husband before anything happened with the new partner.

It was the fact I wanted to be with the new person that made me realise my marriage was over. I was very scared incase the new person didn't want me and I was going to be alone but I knew I couldn't be in my marriage any longer even if nothing happened.

Hope that rambling makes sense

pigsDOfly · 17/07/2017 18:00

No, I ended it because he was a selfish knob.

Frankly, at that point the last thing I was thinking about was who might be around in the future. I was too busy trying to get my life back on track and care for my 3 very hurt DCs.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 17/07/2017 18:03

No, I ended it because he was an abusive alcoholic who was destroying me.
I knew there had to be a better life than that but I had no thoughts or plans for any future partner at that point. I just knew I had to escape for my own sake.

fabulousfun · 17/07/2017 18:03

I left my exh (agreeable split) in 2010.....thought I'd meet someone else as I was 33......nope sadly not ☹️

LittleCandle · 17/07/2017 18:06

I left because he was cheating on me and had - and continue to have - no intentions of meeting someone else. I could never trust anyone.

Original poster
beeshoney2 · 17/07/2017 18:08

Do you regret it fabulous?

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 17/07/2017 18:09

I left because he was such an arse that anything in the future would be better than being married to him. Was on my own for a while. Getting married in 6 weeks. But if I wasn't, my life would still have been better on my own.

Gettingonwithit1 · 17/07/2017 18:12

Littlecandle i feel like you do. I'm just starting the separation process and don't think i could ever trust anyone again. I'm late 40s and men my age all want someone 10 years younger than them anyway!

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 17/07/2017 18:15

I left my first marriage because being alone forever was preferable to being with him. I was fortunate to meet someone else, but not for 8 years

AtSea1979 · 17/07/2017 18:17

No I didn't.

TravellingFleet · 17/07/2017 18:21

Gosh no! I wouldn't be particularly surprised if I don't meet a new partner ever, but that doesn't bother me at all (except for wanting someone to go to expensive restaurants with more often than my friends want to go). I actually met a very nice chap who was very keen on me, but I felt that he deserved something more serious than I could offer, and that he was being a bit naive about my potential fertility at my age.

Yesyesyesyeswhatever · 17/07/2017 18:22

No. Would rather have been alone than with ExDH. No violence or abuse. Just constant annoyance and no love.

KanielOutis · 17/07/2017 18:43

I ended my marriage the day my then 5yo daughter called me a cunt. I realised in that moment that I wasn't protecting her from the abuse that she saw. Didn't look back. Life immediately got better.

indigox · 17/07/2017 18:45

Yes, I knew I could do better, I wouldn't have used the phrase "there's someone waiting for me" though.

ChickenBhuna · 17/07/2017 18:46

I ended my marriage due to abuse. I was not thinking of a new partner at his point , I was thinking of the emotional safety of the kids and myself.

Njordsgrrrl · 17/07/2017 18:56

I knew something was better waiting for me. But in his words, it didn't necessarily have to be him. As it happened, it was. He was more concerned that I got free and I still believe that with all my heart.

EdmundCleverClogs · 17/07/2017 19:00

Never married, but I've ended a serious relationship purely because I didn't enjoy being part of a couple or felt 'more complete' as a single person. I'm currently in a happy, serious relationship, because I don't feel I've sacrificed anything of myself to be happy (hope that makes sense).

If a relationship doesn't leave you feeling like your own person, I truly believe you need to leave and be alone for a while, not worry about the next time you'll be with someone. However, I'm basing that more on watching a couple of friends of mine jump from one intense relationship to another, they seem to have a fear of being alone, and the only reason they'll leave a partner/spouse is because they have a plan in mind to get the next (not cheating, more like reactivating OLD accounts in preparation).

peachgreen · 17/07/2017 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealLemonLyman · 17/07/2017 20:35

I left mine because he was a prize twat who was jealous of anybody I spoke to outside the home, and even more jealous of our child Hmm. Turns out he was screwing a supposed mate of mine. Just found out he recently died. I can honestly say I didn't shed a single tear.

Was happily single for 4 years after that where I got to know myself and do what I wanted to without worrying about his opinions.

Welshmaenad · 17/07/2017 20:37

Not really, I just couldn't bear the lack of emotional support/warmth/connection any more, or being treated like an inconvenience because I was unwell. I was fucking lonely.

I am 10000000x happier since I left. As it happens I have met someone better, but he's not the reason for my happiness, he just augments it.

marriednotdead · 17/07/2017 20:40

I wasn't thinking of any future somebody when I ended my marriage, just couldn't countenance the idea that I would remain with him and still keep my sanity.

It been not quite 2 years since he moved out and at times I wonder if there will be someone special again, but I'm not sure I'm bothered.

The mothers of two of my ex's have remarried happily well into retirement so I'm not panicking just yet Grin

Shenanagins · 17/07/2017 20:44

No I just wanted out of such a miserable marriage. Wasn't interested in meeting anyone or getting married but I did and still very happy- leaving was the best thing I did!

Peanutbuttercheese · 17/07/2017 21:17

I saw a divorce lawyer this January, we had been together for 20 years. It was the classic him getting wrapped up in his career I also have health issues and two bereavements took their toll. It was the interference and comments from his sister that was the final issue though and his reaction to this.We seperated but agreed to not see anyone else. After talking a lot we have reconciled.

Life in itself hasn't changed in a practical way but he actually listens to me now. It's a huge change. It took him realising he was losing me to take it seriously. The other LTR I had was the same with me leaving when I was in my twenties but he was just an arse and I made no attempt nor did I want reconciliation.

If your wondering will you be alone if you give up your partner. Well you will be it just depends on how long. If I actually look around at men around my age, late forties they are pretty bloody grim

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