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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drop a good friend due to behaviour at wedding

30 replies

user1499087279 · 17/07/2017 10:11

So this is the story, Lucy, Alice and I are mutual friends. Lucy and Alice were really close but then had a falling out, I can't even remember what it was about, but basically, the relationship broke down and Lucy no longer talks to Alice.

I got married a couple of weeks ago and both were invited to the whole day. I knew it was an issue so before I did the seating plan I told Lucy I wouldn't put her and Alice on the same table. Lucy told me not to be silly that she knew her and Alice could be civil for the day and as they would be seated with lots of other mutural friends it wouldn’t be a problem.

Yay I thought, I'll put the on the same table, not next to each other but I thought it would all be fine as they were sitting with mutual friends. Day was lovely, all wonderful. Then I met up with Lucy a week later for the dinner, during the meal she told me in great glee all about how she had spent the reception blanking Alice, ignoring her when she tried to talk to her, making a show of moving the centrepiece so she didn't have to look at her. Even how Alice tried to talk to her in the bathroom to clear the air but she just ran past her.

I didn't say anything at the time, but I’m so upset about it now as I feel Lucy has ruined my wedding day for one of my guests. I would never have put them on the same table if Lucy hadn't insisted it wouldn't be an issue. I spoke to Alice, she told me she would never have said anything to me but as I asked she had found Lucy's behaviour really hurtful and she had just wanted to clear the air so they could all have a good time.

I really don't know what to do, to be honest I feel like just pulling away from Lucy and quietly finishing our friendship as I think confronting her will make her go off the deep end, I’m just so disgusted with her behaviour and every time she talks to me I feel resentful. AIBU?

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 17/07/2017 10:14

You are not being unreasonable - sounds as though Lucy relished the chance to be spiteful, can't say such a person would be a friend of mine much after that.

LottieDoubtie · 17/07/2017 10:16

Nope not unreasonable at all. Sounds like Lucy relished the opportunity to be a bitch and attempted the bully Alice in front of all your mutual friends. Nasty and uncalled for.

I'd drop her too- and I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of your mutual friends do too.

Cakesprinkles · 17/07/2017 10:19

That's a horrible thing to do. I ditched a friend after our wedding because of some awful behaviour and have never spoken to them since.

ChrisPrattsFace · 17/07/2017 10:20

She took your kindness and the fact it wouldn't be something you would focus on - to continue an old dispute.
Alice sounds lovely and mature, she tried to clear the air and Lucy has just been a grade A bitch about it.
I would call her out on it, and focus on a good relationship with Alice and the other mutuals.

MommaGee · 17/07/2017 10:20

Lucy sounds like a bitchy 14 yo.

I would send her a well thought out message about how what she did made you feel then I would cool the friendship

ImADingleDangleScarecrow · 17/07/2017 10:20

She sounds petty, spiteful and immature. I'd struggle to remain friends with someone who seems to relish having those qualities.

Saiman · 17/07/2017 10:24

Its sounds quite mean. I would have a different view of Lucy now.

But also i think Alice shouldnt have tried to approach her at the wedding either. Blanking her in the toilet was the better solution than telling alice to go away or worse get into an argument.

However i cant help wonder if any of its true. Why would Alice tried to talk to an ex frined and even risk a fall out at your wedding?

Donttouchthethings · 17/07/2017 10:25

I never understand people who stay friends with someone who's mean to other people. How do you feel about letting her know your feelings? Give her a chance to make it right?

Kintan · 17/07/2017 10:28

So Lucy tricked you into putting her at the same table as Alice so she could spend the day bullying her? And then told you about it with glee as if you'd approve? That is so weird - does Lucy have form for this kind of behaviour? What did Alice do (or Lucy perceive her to have done) that caused their falling out? Whatever the case it's totally unacceptable behaviour, particularly at a wedding surrounded by mutual friends. I don't think I'd let it go without confronting Lucy, but if you don't want to put up with her drama, quietly finishing the friendship sounds a perfectly reasonable thing to do!

e1y1 · 17/07/2017 10:28

Yep - get rid of her.

Especially as she told you in advance it wouldn't be a problem, and then in glee tells you what a bitch she has been.

Awful, you and Alice are well rid.

rookiemere · 17/07/2017 10:31

Very bad form from Lucy.

I still haven't quite forgiven friends who chose to have a big argument with another couple at our wedding. Granted said couple can be hard work, but to create a scene at a wedding is unforgiveable, particularly when you gave Lucy the opportunity to sit somewhere else.

Madbum · 17/07/2017 10:32

Lucy sounds like a petty, bullying 10 year old girl.
She clearly wanted you to sit her near Alice so she could make a show of blanking her. YANBU to ditch her, horrible cow.

Questioningeverything · 17/07/2017 10:33

Sounds like Lucy is a character from Mean Girls. I'd have to send a message to her along the lines of

I've thought about what you told me, about what happened at my wedding between you and Alice. You know I'd never have seated you near one another if I'd had any inkling you'd behave in the way you did. Your actions spoiled the day for one of my friends and have tarnished the memories I have of the day. What's worse is how happy you were when telling me how nasty you'd been- as if I would somehow be pleased for you.
I think it's best we leave it here. Please don't contact me again, I can't be friends with someone who acts like you did.

Then go nc. If she wants to act like a brat about your message let her. You don't need to see or speak to her again

Original poster
user1499087279 · 17/07/2017 10:34

I can't remember why they fell out in the first place, neither are very easy people, I don't think Lucy thinks she has done anything wrong which is why she was so gleefully telling me. I think Alice approached her as Lucy was making it so obvious to her that she was 'blanking' her and I think she was embarrassed so tried to clear the air. Confused

Thanks guys for the support! Smile

OP posts:
GwenStaceyRocks · 17/07/2017 10:49

Try not to let it dampen your memories of your wedding. tbh the meal is only one part of the day and from what you have said, there were probably lots of points where both Lucy and Alice enjoyed themselves. And I doubt others noticed their minor unpleasantness.

user1489675144 · 17/07/2017 10:50

Lucy is spiteful and used your wedding day as a way of getting at an ex friend and ruining her experience of your wedding.

Lucy needs to grow up - it is not all about her.
I couldn't be friends with anyone as spiteful as Lucy.
Well done on Alice for attempting to clear the air - hopefully she will see how pathetic Lucy is 'running away/moving centrepieces so she wouldn't have to see her' - is Lucy 12 years old... vile person Lucy.

user1489675144 · 17/07/2017 10:52

Ditch Lucy for acting like a spoilt bullying 10 year old. The fact that she gleefully recounted how awful she was sums her up

youhavetobekidding · 17/07/2017 10:54

You should have at least raised an eyebrow when Lucy was telling you how she had behaved. People get away this this shit because no one challenges them.

youhavetobekidding · 17/07/2017 10:55

Congratulations on your marriage by the way! Don't let this spoil your memory of the day

StoatofDisarray · 17/07/2017 10:58

Another vote for quietly dropping Lucy. Horrible behaviour.

Comedyusername · 17/07/2017 10:58

Urgh how hideous. This isn't your fault so don't dwell on it or let it spoil your day (congrats by the way!).

As you say, you need to move on and reduce your contact. I would say to her though that you are hurt by her behaviour, otherwise she may think you condone it.

SlothMama · 17/07/2017 11:04

Lucy sounds like she behaved like a child! Don't let her behaviour ruin your memories of your lovely wedding

Original poster
user1499087279 · 17/07/2017 11:19

Thank you all, it's really helpful! I think I'm going to quietly drop her I haven't really spoken since the meal where she told me, so I won't try to contact her but if she makes contact I'll let her know why I feel we can't be friends and see how she responds. Ideally, I'd like her to acknowledge that it was wrong so she doesn't do it to someone else. I know I should have said something at the time she was telling me!

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/07/2017 11:26

Lucy sounds like a bitchy 14 year old.

In my experience though. Teenagers don't behave like that. They'd show some so called adults how to behave.

YANBU. Poor Alice. I don't blame you for being peeved. How dare Lucy upset your guest. Horrible cow.

Gemini69 · 17/07/2017 11:42

Lucy is a gradeA Bitch.... no amount of time passing will change this ..

your doing the right thing in dropping her FAST x