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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to watch something just because DH thinks its the best thing ever?

151 replies

bonbonours · 16/07/2017 23:54

AIBU or is DH for getting in a huff with me?

DH is massively into Game of Thrones. I have never watched any of it, it's not my kind of thing at all. There's a battle scene called the battle of the bastards which he has gone on about several times about how it's the best thing he's ever seen on TV and it's like Saving Private Ryan but medieval. I'm in the middle of working this evening and he says, "Come and watch for 10 minutes" because it's this scene he loves. I say, "I'm not interested" and he insists, saying, "It's only 10 minutes" and "But it's like Saving Private Ryan but medieval" I point out that I wasn't that interested in Saving Private Ryan either. I'm just not that bothered about watching people killing each other.

Now he's got all huffy with me because I wouldn't stop working and watch it. If I asked him to watch something I was finding fascinating or lovely e.g. the Three Girls documentary, the film Lion, he absolutely wouldn't watch it with me. So why should I watch his stupid battle scene?

OP posts:

DonDrapersDeskDrawer · 17/07/2017 09:23

I think it's a shame not to at least try and show an interest in the things your husband or wife are passionate about. Because part of that love and companionship is wanting to share things, isn't it?

I'm not saying you should watch the whole thing from the start with rampant enthusiasm if it's not your thing, but would it have killed you to spend 10 minutes watching something for your DH? And I know you were working, but arranging to watch it when you were done or the next day or whatever wouldn't have been too hard.

I love it when people are passionate about something, it's infectious. DH or DD might sometimes want me to listen to a song they love for example - an even if it's not my kind of music, I'll listen because they want to share something that's made an impression on them - with me. And I love hearing from them why they love it and discussing it.

OohMavis · 17/07/2017 09:24

It's not cool that he keeps on at you after you've said no, but tbh 10 minutes won't kill you and it'll make him happy. It's nice that he wants to share his interests with you.

time4chocolate · 17/07/2017 09:26

Fret - watched first series, just couldn't get into it. Binge watched Breaking Bad though😊.

SumThucker · 17/07/2017 09:27

I agree with that. My 12 year old seems to want me to watch/hear something every hour, I love her enthusiasm for it.

corythatwas · 17/07/2017 09:31

I think there is a difference here between "not bothered" and "not comfortable" and that it would probably help you to spell out to yourself which one it is, OP.

The impression I get is that you are actually not comfortable with these scenes, but don't want to say so because there is a general cultural feeling that adults should enjoy watching people killing each other on the screen and that not feeling comfortable with that is somehow babyish. Well, it's not. You have a perfect right to say "I don't want to watch this". Nobody should be forced to watch something they are not comfortable with. But own your feelings: tell your dh. Otherwise it comes across as either "I can't be arsed to take 10 minutes" or "I am judging your taste".

I'm not comfortable with GoT either, but I've told them (dh and dc), they know. I understand that it is in many ways an admirable series (its portrayal of disabled people etc) but it is too gory for me. There is no shame in that. And they understand that this is not exactly the same as not wanting to listen to a piece of music that they might think is crap but which doesn't upset them.

AlpacaLypse · 17/07/2017 09:32

@DonDrapersDeskDrawer but a single song isn't the same as a bit of a TV programme that won't make any sense without the context of the previous shows!

I've watched a few bits of GoT. OH and DD1 are frothing with excitement and DD2 isn't much better. I'm meh and they know it. I don't expect them to care about my choice of programmes - things like Victoria or Downton Abbey. That's why we have more than one television and Sky Multiroom.

corythatwas · 17/07/2017 09:33

If otoh it was about you working, then let it be about you working and not wishing to be disturbed. But in that case that should apply to even your favourite TV clip ever, and not be about whether you like this particular one or not. Again, no shame in putting work first.

FretYeNotAllIsShiny · 17/07/2017 09:37

time4chocolate - the guy getting ripped apart was nastier than Joffrey. He richly deserved it,

CokeAttack · 17/07/2017 09:40

My issue is that he couldn't do it for her if she was watching something she liked but he didn't.
You can't ask people to do the things you couldn't be bother to do imho.

I personally think that spending 5mins watching something your partner loves would be nice. It's just showing them thatby U actually care about them.
But as I say, it needs to work both ways.

MyLittlePickleBoo · 17/07/2017 09:41

'rolopolovolo:

Better to spend the 10 min moaning about him on mumsnet. it's what the strongest marriages are made of.'

^^ This.

Bluerose27 · 17/07/2017 09:41

I love GOT but if you haven't watched the whole thing then there's no bloody point watching a ten minute pivotal battle.

Find the ten most convoluted and boring minutes of any TV show you watch where you need to know the entire back story and insist on him watching it with you.

No idea why your husband needs to inflict ten minutes of his show on you. Yes, he likes it, good for him. Let him enjoy it himself.

I also like a PP's suggestion of watching it and asking the entire way through who is who and what's happening. Only thing is, be might take it that you're interested and if might lead to more than watching!!

rightwhine · 17/07/2017 09:44

Stick yo your guns op.

Bumpsadaisie · 17/07/2017 09:48

I think its nice to watch stuff together and to enter into each other's enthusiasms. I have got into the Tour de France. He has got into the Proms.

We both love GoT!

spidey66 · 17/07/2017 09:50

I like Casualty, Corrie and Eastenders. My husband likes Wheeler Dealers and documentaries on WW2 and geeky programmes on fishermen in Alaska (don't ask).

We just watch them separately. Mind you for someone who hates the soaps, he knows a lot of what's happening in them.

MrsKoala · 17/07/2017 09:53

But it's not just the 10 mins watching is it. It's the goofy expectant face they pull watching you watching it. Grinning at you and saying 'oh this bit's the best bit' and 'watch this bit coming up' or 'well he is fighting against him because ....' while you look on completely bewildered, trying to arrange your face to look interested enough not to hurt their feelings - but not too interested that you may have to watch it again. Then there's the post mortem 'what did you think?' 'wasn't it brilliant?' 'What about that bit where his eyes exploded?' 'do you want to watch more' 'oh theres another brilliant scene you should see' and on and on and on.

Last night i had to watch 10 mins of dh dismantle and explain his new gun and all it's features and mechanisms. After 10 minutes i could barely breath i was so bored. I had to stop him. Then the rest of the night was 'did you like my new gun?' 'what do you think the best feature of the gun is?"

I never ever talk to dh about my obsessions because i know it is very boring and i don't need him to enjoy it for me to enjoy it more. It is utterly irrelevant to me if he knows about it or not. I don't get sharing this kind of thing at all. Seems weird, needy and a bit controlling when you know someone isn't interested.

Sleepthief84 · 17/07/2017 09:56

OH started watching this about 2 years ago. He downloaded all five available seasons (at the time) and after an episode or two bugged me into watching it. I didn't want to because I don't like violent things on TV. I am so glad he did because GOT is brilliant! I do have to leave the room for certain scenes though - the head crushing fight, and the some of the Ramsay and Joffrey torture scenes were just too far for me definitely. BOTB is epic but no point in you watching it if you don't know what's going on or you just don't like it. Also YANBU because you were working and what you watch is your choice! But I have been nagged into watching several box sets that I've ended up loving (Bones, Breaking Bad, Elementary) so I tend to give things a chance now. Though I don't get the fuss over The Walking Dead. Just an epically long version on 28 Days Later! Can't wait for the new episode of GOT, I've got it recorded from last night but have to wait for OH to get home from work to watch it!

BogQueens · 17/07/2017 09:56

Yanbu. I've sat through three episodes, and my idea of 'great TV' doesn't include men wandering endlessly around in fur cloaks talking about winter and wildings/particularly sadistic rape (on your dead child's tomb! By some horse guy your brother just sold you to! By the Night Watch in a bad mood!) as a continual plot point/more gore than an abattoir and grisly deaths and mutilations every ten seconds which are supposed to make it 'hard-hitting'. And while I get that there are some authoritative female characters, there seem to be many more who are just physically and mentally humiliated and degraded. And don't start me on 'white girl rescues a horde of grateful dark-skinned people'.

supersop60 · 17/07/2017 10:04

OP was working
How many times does this need to be repeated.
When my DP does this to me, the message I hear is:- what I am doing is more important than what you're doing.
I'm working

Show me later.
YANBU OP

lanouvelleheloise · 17/07/2017 10:07

YABU. The correct response is to drop what you are doing, sit through it, and make sarcastic remarks about how terrible it is all the way through.

Jaxhog · 17/07/2017 10:16

I completely sympathize. My DH is currently watching the Tour de France in his pjs (he's retired). Any minute now, he'll rush in and tell me about some aspect of it. I'm working, but that doesn't seem to matter.

It's a man thing.

YABU not to spare 10 minutes. YANBU to want to wait until convenient for YOU.

tootalbugging · 17/07/2017 10:20

Urgggghhhh. Tell him to come and watch ten mins of your new favourite film, 'Saving Ryan's Privates'.

He should get the message.

Figaro2017 · 17/07/2017 10:27

It's a man thing.

Like not being able to parallel park is a woman's thing?

Or shall we just drop the gender stereotypes?

Mislou · 17/07/2017 10:29

It was an amazing scene I understand why he's so enthusiastic about it. DP and I watched it together and got all emotional about it . But if you haven't been watching the series and you're not concerned about the characters you wouldn't feel how he might want you to.

AngelaTwerkel · 17/07/2017 10:51

I don't think anyone should politely watch slaughter if they're not into watching slaughter. Whether it's Saving Private Ryan, or GoT.

MrsKoala · 17/07/2017 10:56

My dh loves scary films. After politely watching paranormal activity with him, he had politely escort me to the toilet for 2 weeks.

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