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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my baby being passed around to strangers?

23 replies

Mamaari20 · 16/07/2017 22:47

I am a first time mum to a gorgeous little girl, now 8 weeks old. I recently went to a wedding and while I was there some random woman (a friend of my in laws who I didn't know) came up to me with arms outstretched to try and take my baby, without even asking or introducing herself. I said "no" (thankfully we were just leaving) and thought nothing of it but this has now happened a few times and I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable or overprotective Please be gentle if I am! I am a newbie to Mumsnet!

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 16/07/2017 22:48

Yanbu. I wouldn't want some random woman I don't know hold my baby.

Xmasbaby11 · 16/07/2017 22:49

Yanbu. That's very unusual to just try to grab the baby without any introduction! I've never come across that and I was out and about a lot with my newborns both times. I'd have pretended not to understand what she meant, smiled and walked past her.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 16/07/2017 22:49

Yanbu. She could be a crack head, or like Nickleback

justkeepswimmingg · 16/07/2017 22:50

YANBU OP. People seem to think that a newborn baby is public property. I said no plenty of times to people holding my DS, so don't feel pressured into allowing it if it makes you uncomfortable.

K1092902 · 16/07/2017 22:55

Fake- the nickleback comment made me chuckle.

But OP YANBU. When DD was a few weeks old I took her to meet everyone at DHs work. A woman who he had employed the week before asked to hold her and I said no. I didn't know her or anything about her. It probably seemed a bit rude and DH was a bit embarrassed but I wouldn't let my child walk down the street with a complete stranger now so why would I let her hold her as a baby??

It was the fact she didn't even introduce herself to me and she just appeared from nowhere while I was sat in DHs office wanting to hold my baby more than anything. It was really rude.

Original poster

Mamaari20 · 16/07/2017 22:58

Thanks everyone - that's a relief! I was beginning to feel like maybe I was the problem and coming across as really rude! My DH seems really awkward and embarrassed when I refuse to hand the baby over to people as well, which doesn't help!

OP posts:

StickThatInYourPipe · 16/07/2017 22:59

I met a woman at a friends house once, she had a. 2 or 3 week old with her.

She basically threw the baby at me within 1 minute of meeting her. Slight reversal for your thread but I hated it so YANBU

Original poster

Mamaari20 · 16/07/2017 23:02

Haha stickthatinyourpipe I guess everyone is different!!!

OP posts:

SpikeGilesSandwich · 16/07/2017 23:08

I hate this too, I don't get why people think it's ok to do it? I think it's the same people who were inappropriately touching your bump a few months ago, they have no boundaries when it comes to children.

To be honest though, I've discovered that I'd rather a stranger hold my baby for a few minutes than my evil MIL. I really struggle with her holding DS, she's so weird with him and it sets me on edge, all my instincts are screaming out for me to snatch him back and run away.

SpikeGilesSandwich · 16/07/2017 23:10

For the record, I'm perfectly fine with other people that I know holding him, I'm a complete nut.

gabsdot · 16/07/2017 23:11

Stickthatinyourpipe
That happened to me, a baby was thrust at me, I wasn't prepared and nearly dropped him.

SpikeGilesSandwich · 16/07/2017 23:11

*ok, that was supposed to say Not a complete nut.
I give up now.

Redsippycup · 16/07/2017 23:11

My bug bear is when someone i know is holding my baby and passes them to someone else without asking if it's ok!

No! She's my baby, you don't get to choose whi holds her!

The weirdest one was a woman i dont like (part of a club i am in) taking my 4 week old baby from my friend and passing her to her friend who i had never met before! To her credit the woman asked who the baby belonged to and handed her to me straight away - she was visibly uncomfortable.

I was in a combined state of shocked silence and mute rage!

tararabumdeay · 16/07/2017 23:16

Babies are really alright being passed around. My colleague bought his baby in the other day. I held her and played a ba ba game when she looked at my face and did that ba ba touch my mouth.

I felt awful. I should not have kissed the baby's hands. I wouldn't be surprised if they took her to be sterlised and washed away.

DarthMaiden · 16/07/2017 23:16

YANBU.

I was very happy for DS when newborn to be held by family and friends - I was never overly precious iyswim about me or DH holding him all the time.

However, like you I really didn't like the expectation from some "randoms" that they were free to hold/cuddle him.

No baby is public property and I had no issue whatsoever in saying "no, I don't think so" as many times as necessary when approached in this regard.

Kitsandkids · 16/07/2017 23:19

Personally I quite like it! I've got a 6 week old and when she was 3 days old the mum of a child in my older child's class came rushing up and literally took her out of my arms in the playground. I'm not particularly friends with her and it did give me a bit of a shock but actually I thought it was sweet that she was so happy to see and hold my baby! 2 days later she gave me a lovely present too.

I've been attending the local church on and off for about 6 months. I'm friendly when people speak to me but didn't particularly know anyone before the baby was born. But now when we go the baby is passed round all the old ladies after the service! They coo over her and are so thrilled to see her and I just think it's lovely how happy she makes people and how much they love her.

If she were crying I'd take her straight back but so far she's always been happy and it's meant that I've had time to eat a biscuit without getting crumbs all over the baby!

SwimmingInLemonade · 16/07/2017 23:26

I would hate this! If you wear your baby in a sling it's much harder for people to just take her off you.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2017 23:38

YANBU. I would never have let a stranger hold my baby.

WorraLiberty · 16/07/2017 23:41

This never bothered me, especially if she was a friend of the family.

In fact it used to make me feel good to bring a little happiness to someone in that situation, who just wanted a quick hold.

Gemini69 · 16/07/2017 23:54

No Nope Never Nada Nine ..... Hell Nooooooooooooooooo

LanaDReye · 17/07/2017 00:01

Pregnancy bumps when visible seem public property to some people, and they rush to 'touch the baby', it's the same when babies are newborn/little.

So no, YANBU the baby grabbers ABU

PodgeBod · 17/07/2017 00:03

It's never bothered me. I think it's nicer for a baby to be held by somebody then to be lying in a pram or car seat but obviously you have to be comfortable because it's your baby so YANBU.

wrinkleseverywhere · 17/07/2017 00:06

When DC1 was a newborn, I felt like this. Now she is 7 & DC2 is 5, I have to stop myself wrestling newborns out of their parents arms. It is the knowledge that I am never going to have a newborn to cuddle again. In all other respects, I am utterly rational & normal. Obviously I don't do it but I was secretly thrilled a few weeks ago when DC2 was at a party &, just as I happened to be walking past the mum of one of his friends, his friend came racing up to her mum in floods of tears, the mum looked a bit flustered and I could graciously offer to hold the 8wo baby, an offer the mum accepted enthusiastically. Since then, the mum has shoved the baby at me on a few other occasions.

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