Not to want this to happen?

[Kaz33]

My parents are control freaks, but comparitively wealthy ones:

They have always given the boys a cheque for their birthday /christmas of £300 each - which is great I have invested it in a unit trust for them.

But my dads latest idea is to set up a stakeholder pension for them which they can't access until they are 50. He wants to put in £3500 each for them this year. However we didn't get the £300 for christmas.

His reasoning is that he likes the idea of them thinking of him when he is dead ie; when they are 50 and they access the money.

Yes, i should be grateful and I know lots of kids get nothing from their grand parents bu the whole thing makes me feel uneasy. I would much rather that they had some money when they were 18 to pay for university, go travelling, house deposit or even blow on drink, drugs and loose women.

Well actually it does, as they can't start the pension without me doing the money laundering things

But once they have put the money into a pension for our kids there is no way they can get it back. So whilst your kids can't get at the money until they are 50, your parents can't refuse them it then. So no possibility of manipulation, which there would be if the moeny was put into a trust with your parents as trustees and deciding when and if they could have access. And having a pension pot started now for the will give huge growth by te time they are 50, is a very tax efficient way for your parents to give (GB will put an extra 20% on top) and will mean better cash flow for your kids when they are 30 as they won't have to put as much into their retirment savings. (Ta 30 you should be putting at least 10% of incoem into pension savings to give same standard of living post retirement)
Honestly, I think this is a brillinat idea all round - go fill in the forms

Yes, but there will be other money avaliable from them when they are 18+ - that's when I scared they will start to manipulate them.

If they had their own money avaliable to them they would have more chance of making their own choices.

Maybe this only makes sense to me, but I am now 37 and it is only in the last three years or so that I have untangled the mess my life was in. Unfortunately my parents loom large in the mess and i am so scared of them doing it to my kids.

I can make this decision - just still undecided what to do.

sorry Kaz, I think you are mad, yes....of course, your Kids shall enjoy their youth and must make their own mistakes...but to basically say that you actually wouldn't mind them taking drugs, is shocking...

YOu obvoiusly feel very strongly and badly about your parents, and I am sure you have your reasons...but, if they are that bad, why take money from them at all?

Why?

Drugs are not the spawn of satan - alcohol and tobacco are just as dangerous in some ways.

For the majority of kids they try it, grow out of it and get on with their lives. Its as much of youth culture as binge drinking, teenage sex, anorexia and yes hating your parents

I don't get this 'start in life' logic.

NHS gives your kids their 'start in life, followed by state education, followed by excellent unis with minimal upfront payment.

Could you not ask them to put £3000 into pension for them and still give them £300 at christmas?
I think its wonderful you get some much help from grandparents. My inlaws give us sod all for our daugther, and my parents arent in position to give money, but give time.

If not I would be grateful for what they give you and let them do what they want.
Lisa

I don't take their money - they practically walk over us on the way to see their grandkids. We are an inconvience.

I'll go and do something useful now, like make their packed lunches.

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts - its good to get some outside perspective. When ever I do these threads - I'm always told that i am being unreasonable.

Lisa - that is a great idea. Compromise is normally the best option.

I don't think you are unreasonable. However, there is clearly a lot more behind your relationship with your parents which you haven't shared with us. Therefore responses are based solely on your OP.

If there are clear reasons to doubt your parents motivation, then possibly responses might differ.

Drugs, including alcohol and tabacco are all dangerous, and surely we can but try to keep our Kids away from them....!
Like I say, you obviously really have bad issues with your parents and thereofre it would be difficult for others to understand your point of view, iykwim...

Bugger. Parents' motivation. Sorry.