Massive tantrums at nearly 6 years old!

[Mumofone1970]

Son has never been one for tantrums really but the last few months he has suddenly taken to them!
So much so he's screamed at the top of his lungs for the past hour because he lost his action man toy after hitting me as he snapped his pencil in half ( in anger as he wouldn't turn the Volume down on his iPad after being asked 3 times so that was taken away )
He has a warning earlier after hitting me for not going to collect his water bottle from upstairs for him as I was washing up and he has legs and he was told if there is any more violence his new action man figure he got yesterday would go.
He banged on the Windows, threw things, opened the front door and screamed so all the neighbours taking their rubbish out heard him before finally accepting I wasn't going to back down and having his story and going to sleep.
I try massively to positively parent so now feel terrible about taking the bloody figure away but I am also aware he needs to know he can't lash out.
I've lost count of the times I've said recently " nobody is allowed to hit anyone blah blah blah "
Isn't this age just a bit old for the START of tantrums??

I have an almost-teen who's friends are now hitting their mums in a much more serious way so I have no regrets re my methods

That depends on whether these kids hit their parents as young children and were not disciplined.

We have zero tolerance towards hitting but I find removing things doesn't really work - because it doesn't stop them hitting next time. As I'm guessing it has happened more than once in your case?

I can't speak for other people's discipline or lack of but I do know that these children have zero respect for their parents.

Thankfully it hasn't happened here at all (other than usual proper toddler tantrums) but if it did that's what would happen. They're old enough to understand at 6 so not sure why it wouldn't work. It's works for everything else.

Hitting I mean. My 6 yr old does occasionally throw a paddy if he's not getting his own way.

My daughter will still scream sometimes and she's just turned 7. It's frustrating but I completely ignore and walk away lol. Never seen another child so big (she's the size of a 9 year old too) throw a tantrum but I've never given in to her.

DS2 6 started tantrumming again before Easter. I spoke to his teacher after seeing him have a tantrum in the playground who said they get a hormone surge around 6/7 so it could be that. It lasted about a month then and seems to be calmer again now.

From your post things that I would change would be not asking 3 times for IPad volume. Mine have to ask for a go on the kindle it's timed for 15 mins then I usually extend it another 15. It is given with the volume at the correct level, if they turn it up and don't put it back when asked, I take it back to turn it down, any fuss about this and I wouldn't extend their time.
Also zero tolerance for hitting, no warnings.

DD (5) has had a couple of screaming tantrums recently. It was pretty shocking, I haven't seen anything like that from her since she was 2. I think end of term excitement/exhaustion is mostly the cause, and she is quite stressed about starting year 1 already.

I sent her to her room and said it wasn't acceptable and she could stay on her own until she could speak nicely to others. She screamed in her room, stamped feet, slammed doors, screamed a bit more, cried, then sheepishly came downstairs and said sorry she was stressed about school. We then had a cuddle and a chat about how she was feeling.

If she had been due to go out I would have stayed until she got control of herself and let her be late or not gone at all TBH. I am not taking her anywhere behaving like that and she needs to know it isn't acceptable.

I am zero tolerance to the tantrums but try not to hold a grudge and be nice once she has got control of herself. She is learning to deal with strong emotions and I am trying to help her do that now while she is young otherwise the teens are going to be horrible

Thankyou for replying.
I'm just so embarrassed the neighbours saw her behaving like that.
We don't talk to them much as they've always kept themselves to themselves so they wouldn't know what's normal for him to be fair but the screams were awful and then to see him standing outside screaming as they were coming in from their car I wanted the ground to open up!
I couldn't have not let him go to the party, I felt awful enough about the action man!
But I agree in that maybe he's been given too many chances in the lead up so its not clear enough.
If i put him in his room he just screams louder and takes such a long time to calm down I try to go up to him quicker than I should maybe.
Will have to forget the neighbours for now and focus on this or as you say it will likely last longer!

You felt bad he lost action man, even though he lost it in response to his hitting you? Your biggest worry in this thread has been embarrassment because of the neighbours? Bugger the neighbours, your priorities are wrong at the moment I'm sorry. And missing a party won't kill anyone, but it may help to teach a valuable lesson to a confused and angry 6 year old.

I think I felt bad as we try very hard to do positive parenting rather than taking things away and so on
I know I need to change my perspective though as he can't hit me.

Playing games on the iPad can lead to agressive tantrums in my DS7, so it could be that too much screen time is the root of it?
I should point out my DS has ADHD and ASD though so this may not be the case for your DS, but it could be worth considering?

With the greatest of respect you sound too soft OP. My guess is your son has picked up on this and knows exactly what he's doing - he may be six but six year old's are geniuses when it comes to pushing their parents buttons. My sister used to do this to my mum. She knew my mum was a soft touch who hated confrontation and public embarrassment so she'd kick off to get her own way as she knew my mum would cave e.g. my sister wanted a really expensive pair of trainers, my poor mother didn't have the money and tried to convince her to go for a cheaper pair, my sister threw a fit in the shop and my mother bought them for her even though it probably put her into debt that week! Mum still talks about her mortification to this day and my sister still ridicules my mother in front of other people at times and their relationship can be strained as a result... Nip it in the bud - now! Also, what the hell is this "positive parenting" crap people are talking about??!

Yes I don't quite understand the positive parenting comment, is that a thing? I am strict with my child when it's needed and he doesn't behave the way yours does (which I'm sure is easily resolved with a little guidance between you and him and he'll be fab once again).

Sorry just realised I was a bit rude about Positive Parenting, just had t heard the phrase before.

I am quite happy to be corrected but I have heard positive parenting described as ignoring bad behaviour and praising positive behavior. Must admit I have never been a believer after seeing an old friend lose most of her friends (including me) because she refused to correct her DS from hitting or biting other children because she doesn't believe in being negative and only parents positively.

I don't think anyone has been rude.
Positive parenting to us isn't ignoring bad behaviour.
It is talking everything through without harsh punishments such as taking away items or shouting generally.
Of course sometimes I've had to resort to taking something away for continuous bad behaviour however it doesn't sit well with me and I wish there was another way.
I'm fine with people not thinking it's for them though and I may stand corrected in time!