I'm so lonely I feel ill.

[onelonelygirl]

I have put on weight, have concstant headaches, feel depressed.

I hate where I live (Manchester). Not the place but I can't seem to connect with anyone here. I've been here 4 years and not met a single person I wanted to be friends with.

I am starting a new job soon thank goodness but I'm going mad with boredom and loneliness.

Apart from my son I don't speak to a single person. I was welcomed by the school mums instantly but because I'm shy I think I've come off as standoffish and now they seem a bit off with me.

Anyone else the same.

AIBU to feel this way or am I being a bit pathetic?

My issue is I'm shy so volunteering is something beyond what I feel capable of. Same with groups and social events.

Work I'm fine as I love my job.

Sigh! It's horrid! Feel so depressed and down.

I just want someone to have a cup of tea with.

I'm not someone who usually struggles to make friends. I have an abunadance of friend son my hometown and where I went to uni. But unless I'm thrown together with people on a regular basis (school,uni,work). I don't make friends.

:-(

Why did you move to Manchester?

This might not be very practical but can you get a dog? It will get you out and people with dogs are always happy to chat and friendly?

It's a big decision, but if it's right for you it will help you immensely.

I am from th country and wanted to make a new life in the city. Knew I'd find work more easily here and had a plan to go to uni here to do a masters in my field.

I went and made a lovely group of friends at first.

Then when th course finished they went to work elsewhere. So I was left with no one!

I have a child now. Met my sons dad here so stay as they adore each other. I can't really leave. My son would be devastated.

Oh love you sound so sad in your post.

Are there any events at the school you could try and help out with? Or any clubs you could join near you?

There's loads I could go to. It I'm shy and I am never free as I've no family here.

His dad has my son every other weekend. So I have three days then.

I've looked at volunteering opportunities but I feel shattered by then as it's my only days off!

OP if you are the poster I think you are, you post about this scenario very regularly, whilst waiting for your job (as a SW) to start in Sept and for your son to start school. You do get a lot of advice and suggestions, including that you may be clinically depressed and to perhaps think about ways to tackle the depression and feeling isolated.

I do worry that nothing seems to shift or change, I hope these threads are providing an outlet for your frustration though. Also, some posters seemed near your area and willing to meet up?

Apologies if you are not that poster.

If you aren't that poster- then perhaps shouting out to other mumsnetters in the Manchester area might work? There must be lots.

Hoping you get what you want from the thread.

I would look for single nights - not in a romantic sense but here the local facebook groups always seem to be having meet ups - again it depends what your interests are, history, reading crochet, medieval enactment, hill walking .... but I appreciate its very difficult with a small child in tow.

Is there no one at work you could socialise with?

I totally get why you dont want to join a group or go to social events because of shyness but would it be possible for you to sign up for a class of some kind so that there is a focus and its not all about chatting and scary stuff (I know how that feels). With a class you will meet people but because you'll be learning something (art/car maitenance/karate whatever) you wont feel so self conscious. I used to be the same , with crippling shyness. Maybe it's something that changes with age but I am so much better now and I started just by making very small excursions out of my comfort zone and gradually you can overcome it (I promise you can). Now...I organise and run my own groups! Be brave and do a small thing to help yourself...smile at a Mum at school and say "Hi, how are you today?" If nothing comes of it do it again the next day. Eventually this will become easy and you will start getting a response. You can do it honestly.

I've not played about this before.

I'm sure there's many mums in the same boat.

I went to a singles night before actually.

Took a lot of courage and o found myself making small talk but not really enjoying myself. I found the whole thing awkward. But I should have gone again. Could have made some new friends.

I think I'm just shy. :-(

OP
Could you reignite your friendship with the school mums? Maybe suggest a picnic or ice cream in the park whilst the dc play and see where it leads?

Have you looked on MN local?

I am introverted and struggled to make friends and trust people, it takes time and some hard work and effort to make good friends you don't need lots just a couple of really good ones. I found having dogs was great for socialising in the local area and volunteering and just arranging things with people and being out of my comfort zone when you first meet up and have to build up that bond. Your job will really help And saying yes to invites. Best of luck op you can do it and practising socialising makes you better at it and more confident

I'm solitary but that's mostly by choice. I know that if I want a bigger group of friends I need to be proactive. And that, my love, is what you need to be. Because being lonely is tough.

PP are right about finding your niche. It's great you've got work starting. And how about finding one or two other things that enrich your life? How about a yoga class so you can unwind from work? Or join the PTA - so you get to be a familiar face among the mums and feel part of something & it means your ds will be more at the heart of things at school too.

You need to mingle to connect with the people are going to be your future friends. And don't rule people out too early as potential friends.

I need to be more proactive. I feel like I don't know where to start :-(

Whereabouts are you OP? Perhaps we can suggest something local or there could be some fellow MNers nearby. You don't have to say if you'd rather not but idt you've put anything identifying in your posts.