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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed to find i have been judged all weekend

25 replies

Changesorter · 16/07/2017 18:51

My mum has had my dd for the weekend. She offered.

Dh and i went out for the evening last night and i checked in on facebook and left a review including details of my meal etc. I also mentioned we went to a cocktail bar.

This is relevant because i have been dieting for 16 months and lost a very significant amount of weight. Last night i ate whatever i wanted. Today I'm back on the plan.

My daughter comes home today and tells me that nanny has been commenting about me, saying how i should not be indulging etc. Enough to make DD feel uncomfortable.

At the same time as commenting on my posts of fb. Nice comments about how lovely i look and how she hopes we're making the most of our time etc

I'm really irritated to hear some of the things she said repeated to me, she has no faith in my long term success etc, bet i will 'pile it all back on' and im going to struggle to not confront her. Im also really cross about how unhealthy this is for my dd to hear.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 16/07/2017 18:54

How grim.

How old is your DD?

I'd have a hard time biting my tongue TBH, but would probably save it for a barbed retort the next time she says something nice about the weekend/the weight loss or similar.

ConstanceCraving · 16/07/2017 18:54

Very rude of her and inappropriate too.

Original poster
Changesorter · 16/07/2017 18:55

10 and a half

OP posts:
Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 16/07/2017 18:57

Oh my God this could be my mother... She just can't help herself! I really do think it says more about your Mum than you though. I'd just let it go or at the very most just say you upset DD because you were saying this, DD is old enough to pick up on it now so please don't talk about me like that in front of her. That should mortify your Mum enough.

laGrosellaEspinosa · 16/07/2017 19:01

Wow, let your long term success speak for itself.

rightlittlered · 16/07/2017 19:01

Ah I'm so sorry to read this.... does she not think that your DD would relay any of this to you!? As Jassy suggested, I would absolutely save this for the next time she makes a comment about your weight loss. I'd give a total sarcastic response, subtly letting on that you know exactly what she's said.

Well done on the weight loss! Flowers

krustykittens · 16/07/2017 19:07

She really should not be slagging you off in front of your daughter! I'd be having words.

228agreenend · 16/07/2017 19:17

Is she jealous of your success?

Well done on loosing the weight. There's nothing wrong in having a night off.

Original poster
Changesorter · 16/07/2017 19:21

I don't know if she's jealous. She does struggle herself with weight issues. But she's only ever been supportive to my face, im actually quite hurt the more i think about it. I'm getting a bit worked up and want to phone her.

OP posts:
Atenco · 16/07/2017 20:07

Well done on the weight loss and very sensible to give yourself an occasional treat. I understand your concern about your dd. Would it help if you told her you were losing weight to look after your health rather than for esthetic reasons?

Peachyking000 · 16/07/2017 20:31

I have had to specifically exclude my parents from some of my FB posts that involve food. My mum has major hang ups around food, is a bit overweight herself and has been known to cast up food related posts months after I have posted them.

Crumbs1 · 16/07/2017 20:36

I think you'd have to hear the tone before condemning too harshly.

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 16/07/2017 20:48

I think I'd have to say something. It's really awful of her to say those things, especially in front of your daughter. I'd have to tell her how upset DD was to hear those things, and that you're very hurt by the comments and they've come as a shock as she has been lovely and supportive to your face.

wheresthel1ght · 16/07/2017 21:30

My mother does exactly the same. She is a size 16-18 and miserable about her weight. She actually looks really good but she feels the need to attack everyone.

I was a size 22 and am down to about am 18-20 depending on store/cut etc. I have lost about 10kgs since April. I had noro virus recently and was ill for nearly a fortnight as a result. When I finally managed to eat I had a small meal and a pudding (which I didn't. Finish) and she made endless comments about it and hurumph noises about thought you were dieting etc. She got well and truly told that night!

Original poster
Changesorter · 16/07/2017 23:21

Oh Crumbs1 I know the tone only too well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Changesorter · 16/07/2017 23:25

I used to be a 24/26 im now around the 16/18 mark. I hope to be at target by xmas. I enjoy my food, but spend most of my time low carbing, eating protein and veg. Last night i ate chips and had a godamn pudding. It was delicious, i enjoyed everything. Surely this is far healthier relationship with food than either stuffing myself with abandon or feeling guilt for eating a tsp of mayonnaise. Both of which i used to do.

OP posts:
wobblywonderwoman · 16/07/2017 23:29

I think I would hold my tongue but restrict what she can see on Facebook ie nothing

Go into your privacy settings

Also you have done so so so so well !!! It was very two faced and spiteful. One night out might even boost you up to be strict again and no way was it appropriate to speak like that in front of dd

honeyrider · 16/07/2017 23:46

I had similar happen with MIL. My older lad was 2 years and 4 months old when I joined a slimming club to loose the weight after my second baby.

I brought the baby with me and was back home 35 mins later and MIL didn't even wait for a chat and a cuppa and as soon as she was gone my older lad asked me what fat was. I asked why and he said granny told him mammy is very very fat. Cow.

She made a number of comments to me about my weight over the next few years but would deny it when my husband would bring it up with his mother. I finally cut her out of my life.

elevenclips · 16/07/2017 23:51

you are able to deal with your mums mean comments. But a 10yo girl Shock. What a stupid stupid thing your mum said to her. Prime time for planting seeds for an eating disorder. I'd be very careful about her babysitting.

LovingLola · 16/07/2017 23:53

you are able to deal with your mums mean comments. But a 10yo girl shock. What a stupid stupid thing your mum said to her. Prime time for planting seeds for an eating disorder. I'd be very careful about her babysitting.

This.

Palpatine · 17/07/2017 15:29

Tell your daughter that nanny is a backstabbing bitch who needs to keep her mouth shut Have a chat with your mum and tell her that you don't appreciate the comments she made to your daughter.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 17/07/2017 16:00

As pp poster said, its not really about the weight, its that she thinks she has the right to say how she thinks you should behave, but not to you..do she is saying this stuff in a very devisive way to your daughter.
I expect she wouldn't say it directly to you because she also knows it's the wrong thing to say too.
Yes you do need to have a word as she is appearing to be untrustworthy both to you, and to your daughter by her actions.

Breezybreeze · 17/07/2017 16:06

I think the issue here is slagging you off to your dd.

Its not okay to criticize someone's (unless in support where there are significant issues) . Especially not to a child. Silly woman

Breezybreeze · 17/07/2017 16:07

Actually im cross on your behalf. I hate backstabbing.

Your dd,needs to know its not okay to bitch behind backs. Horrible horrible horrible.

I'd be furious.

rinabean · 17/07/2017 16:43

she sounds like a bad mother and a bad grandmother

what she said obviously made an impact because your daughter remembered it and repeated it to you. It must have disturbed her

You have got to nip this in the bud. If you think a frank talk with your mum could help then do it. If you don't think so, or it doesn't work, you have to protect your daughter from her. She is going to end up overweight and dieting at best with that kind of poison in her ear

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