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AIBU?

To want to kill DP

22 replies

WeasleyWoman · 16/07/2017 15:35

Weekend away with in laws. DS and DN are both 3. I know it makes us terrible people but DP and I are secretly nasty judgey people and when we get into the car on the way home from a family meet up, and DS is asleep, we comment and make unkind remarks about the day "how many times did they tell DN there would be no cake before giving in and giving him 2 portions" "can't believe they let him draw on your Dad's table without trying to stop him" "how grating is it DN says "I need cake/chocolate/toys and doesn't say thank you" that sort of thing. I know its wrong, we all parent in different ways and the little boy is fine, not a horrid spoilt brat yet and I know none of us would look good if we were judged by little snapshots of our kids. I thought DP knew this too. Today however over dinner when DN was throwing a mini tantrum over wanting more carrots and not his broccoli DP said "give him to us for 2 weeks we'll cure him"
I am genuinely shocked and enraged. I would be so so hurt if anyone said anything similar about my child, just the idea that a toddler needs curing let alone the implication we are somehow better at the clusterfuck that is raising a toddler. I told him to stop but didn't make a big scene. In the car I said I couldn't believe he said it and he apologised (to me not anyone else). Am I overreacting? I will have to stop sharing any judgey bitchy comments with him as he clearly doesn't get it.

OP posts:
Moanyoldcow · 16/07/2017 15:41

Yes. You're over reacting in my opinion. It doesn't sound like he was overly nasty or unpleasant about it and said nothing horrid about your DN.

My son is a fucking fussy eater for a number of reasons. My sister often says (only half-jokingly) that I should send him to her and he'll be back eating everything. I laugh and say she can send me her son and I'll send him back dressing himself etc.

We both know how children best, love them loads and know we might've made a few mistakes that someone else might've dealt with better.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2017 15:42

Blimey, why would you behave like this about people you ar supposed to love and care about. Why do you feel it's ok to be nasty and judgey behind people's backs than to their faces? Does it make the pair of you feel superior?

So you think what he doesn't get is that it's fine to be nasty and judgemental as long as you're two faced about it?

NoMoreDecorating · 16/07/2017 15:44

What's wrong with a child wanting more carrots? What's wrong with them not liking broccoli? Everyone has their taste preferences, at least he's eating vegetables Confused

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 16/07/2017 15:46

What did the dn's parents say? Hopefully they took it as a joke.

Saiman · 16/07/2017 15:46

Doing what you do in private isnt normal, is it?

I dont agree with everything my sils and their husbands do. I dont sit and bitch about it.

Why do you do that? And why is it ok to do it in private and when dp says something far less bad, in public, its bad.

Get a grip and stop using your dps family and a small child to boost your own ego

RiverTam · 16/07/2017 15:47

I care about my family but a weekend in close proximity with them and I need a cathartic bitch on the way home! Gets it all out, and we move it. No feelings hurt.

More than anything, I think it makes your DH look like a bit of a berk, any old idiot can make that claim, and it's not terribly helpful. They'll probably throw it back at him when yours is a vile tweenager and theirs a dream.

Depends completed in what their relationship is like, but at the end of the day it's for him to sort if necessary.

Saiman · 16/07/2017 15:48

And fwiw i would be really hurt if i found out my dbro and sil were saying the things you are, behind our backs.

If you care how they feel, both of you stop beung horrible.

Whosthemummynow · 16/07/2017 15:48

Stop slagging off your family. It's wierd!

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 16/07/2017 16:37

What's wrong with a child wanting more carrots? What's wrong with them not liking broccoli?

This ^^ He's 3 and was asking for more vegetables, it's hardly something he needs to be cured of!

WeasleyWoman · 16/07/2017 16:40

Is it weird to slag off your family? Not nice of course but I imaging dbro and dsis in law do exactly the same when they get in their car. I am not starting family feuds or holding grudges I am bitching to my partner in private. Still it isn't nice and you are right to suggest I should be a better person!

OP posts:
SpottedGingham · 16/07/2017 17:06

Get out of the habit while ds is young enough to be asleep in the car. One day he won't be asleep and he will parrot your exact words at the next family meet up.

WeasleyWoman · 16/07/2017 17:10

Greebols I agree with you. That was what we were bitching about. The parents make every meal a battle, creating you must eat one pea and three potatoes type rules which leads to tantruming. DPs cras comment was based on their parenting not the boys tantrum.

OP posts:
ConstanceCraving · 16/07/2017 17:16

At least he isn't two faced I guess

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 16/07/2017 17:59

You want to kill your dp.... over a comment?

TathitiPete · 16/07/2017 17:59

I think you're a bit mean and very judgey.

Shir! I meant to say that behind your back!!

sycamoresally · 16/07/2017 18:09

Oh dear....OP I admire your honesty about your private conversations...it's a pity MN is full of saintly people who would never dare have a private judgey conversation with their other half Grin I just can't believe the people criticising you have never off loaded about their friends or family in private. You all must be saints. These are the same folk who probably write breads about their horror MILs GrinWink

Your husband shouldn't have said that though. Whatever you think of anyone's parenting style you shouldn't be publicly rude or patronising about it.

sycamoresally · 16/07/2017 18:09

*threads

Saiman · 16/07/2017 18:12

We all off load.

Making it a tradition to sit and be shitty about peoples parenting choices isnt off loading and how a toddler speaks. Its fucking awful and nasty.

You dont have to bitch to off load.

Armadillostoes · 16/07/2017 18:14

OP you are getting some.very harsh (and I suspect hypocritical) comments. Many people indulge in a moan/debrief after time with other family members. It isn't weird. Of course it can go too far and be unhealthy, but it is very normal behaviour!

caffeinestream · 16/07/2017 18:15

Offloading is fine, bitching to that extent is horrible - sorry.

What's going to happen when your son gets older and thinks that's a normal way to behave? It's not going to make him very popular if he goes around speaking to people like that and then says "but mummy and daddy do it" Hmm

ConstanceCraving · 16/07/2017 18:17

I'm not bothered that the OP offloads but it's a bit contradictory of her to be annoyed at her husbands comments.

MotherPie · 16/07/2017 18:19

I've had a few 'a week with me and he'd be trained' from family members and have never found it offensive. I quite like the idea actually Grin

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