Sorry, this is a total rant, I have reached the end of my patience.
So my dh's family have this thing of not telling dh mum things that are happening, to 'protect' her from stress and upset. Dh is also really disorganised and hates making plans till the last minute. I know they think it's me who is reluctant to make plans with them but it's really not.
Dmil is in hospital having a hip replacement. Unfortunately dfil switched off the freezer and everything is ruined because he didn't notice. Dh didn't want to tell dmil. But he did tell everyone else. There was a crowd of us in visiting yesterday and there was some whispering when she went to the toilet about what to do with the freezer. She came back and it was obvious that something was going on. But no-one would tell her. It was ridiculous. So I told her. "Sorry, your freezer got switched off by mistake. Don't worry, we've cleaned it all up, saved what we can, and we'll get some shopping in to stock it up for you getting home". She wasnt upset at all. No drama. But dh and his sister are pissed off because they didn't want her to know. So instead we were all to sit awkwardly around while mil asked what we were all talking about that stopped so suddenly when she came in the room?
Then dmil has been asking about Christmas plans since June. We are going away, we do this fairly often. I have already booked for my parents to join us. Dh won't commit to asking his parents. I don't know why. So today while in the hospital room with no escape dmil asks "so we assume you're going away this Christmas since you haven't gone the past 2 years. YOUR parents will be going too I assume? You always make arrangements for THEM in plenty of time". I hate how they think it's me who is not wanting to include them. I've been the fall guy for this kind of thing for years. So I said "Yes, we are booked to go away and I have booked for my parents. I asked dh if we should book for you too and he said no it's too soon to think about it, he will think about it nearer the time".
I shouldn't have said it but I am just so sick of it. We were all in this small overheated hospital room and all his family were thinking I was horrible while he just sat there and said nothing.
And finally, while I'm getting it all off my chest in one go, dh's 18 yr old son dropped out of first year of uni back in December. But we haven't told dh's parents. Instead we all go along with this ridiculous pretence that he's still there. At hospital visiting we all sat in the room while he made up stories about his exams. I didn't tell the truth here, it's definitely not my place, as soon as he started talking about his fabricated exams I left the room to go for a walk.
Honestly the whole thing is just ridiculous. She's a perfectly competent, rational adult yet we all have to lie to 'protect' her. She knows something is not right with the college story, that's why I left the room because I don't know what I would say if she'd asked me outright. That is really not my story to tell, but I would find it so hard to lie to a direct question. I usually just say "oh I'm not sure, check with dh, he'll know."
AIBU in just wanting to tell the truth?
Dh and his sister are both annoyed with me about the freezer, dh is annoyed about Christmas, and also that he tho is my leaving the room made dss's lies about uni look suspicious. They are fucking suspicious! She knows they are suspicious. What are they going to do, fake graduation photos in 2 years time? Seriously?
Oh good, I feel better now I've shared all that.