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AIBU?

To ask a mum I barely know to lie for me

34 replies

AUsernameThatNooneHas · 15/07/2017 22:40

I was diagnosed a few years ago with a serious medical condition.
Although I'm hopefully past the thick of it I still get periods of pain. Recently I have been in pain and went for a investigation. It on its own doesn't show whether my condition has returned but will show inflammation. I am still waiting for results with possibly other investigations.
My mum has booked to go away to see my elderly parents in another country. She now doesn't want to go as she's wants to see what happens.
WIBU to ask a school mum who I don't really know to leave a message on my phone to say the result has come back clear so my mum feels reassured and goes.
I'm lying for a good reason!

OP posts:
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LadyPenelope67 · 15/07/2017 23:09

I know you're doing it for what you think are the right reasons, but please don't lie to your mum. By doing that you are effectively denying her the power to make her own decision. From my own experience, that is a hard thing to forget, even when you know it was meant with good intentions.
I hope all your tests come back clear and everything works out ok.

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bumblingbovine49 · 15/07/2017 23:24

I have a mother like this. She is v. elderly now so not much of a problem any more but she would always always lie about her health to me in order to "protect me".

Once I called her to chat from work. Asked her how she was and she said 'fine,'. We had a bit of a chat and I hung up. A few hours later my sister called to say my mother had broken her wrist. It turned out my mother was talking to me after just having called an ambulance because of her wrist. She didn't mention a thing about it to me when I called!

She also never believed anything I said about my health as she assumed everyone would do what she did (i.e. lie to protect the feelings of family/friends).

It was pretty exhausting actually and exasperating as I just wanted us to be honest with each other. I wanted to be able to ask for help if I needed it but for her to respect me if I said I didn't need help or if I told her there was nothing to worry about. I genuinely would have done the same for her.

I probably would have got someone to lie to her in this situation to make her go but what I really wanted to say was. "Mum the results won't mean much yet. This might be a marathon not a sprint and I may need you later but I don't now. I promise to let you know the results as soon as I get them and if I need you I will call you but you should go to see your mum ".and have her actually listen .

She never did listen or accept my requests. It got in the way of us having a genuinely close relationship as adults.

Sorry I have no clear answer op, but I really understand the dilemma.

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Flyinggeese · 15/07/2017 23:27

Chasinghighs what do you mean? The OP hasn't asked anyone on here to do it.

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Flyinggeese · 15/07/2017 23:28

I also think Wolfiefan has put it perfectly.

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roundaboutthetown · 15/07/2017 23:32

Getting someone to leave a lie on a phone message is a ludicrous idea. If you don't want her to cancel the trip, then just tell her you really don't want her to cancel the trip. Just don't lie - it's bloody annoying knowing you can't trust someone you love and that they would go to ridiculous lengths to lie to you.

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user1497480444 · 15/07/2017 23:44

very attention seeking, dragging a stranger into your family machinations

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CheshireChat · 15/07/2017 23:57

Are you my long lost sister OP? I do get why you'd like to do this, but it could backfire. If nothing else, why would a dr break the DPA?

But sympathies, it's exhausting sometimes.

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ChicRock · 16/07/2017 00:05

I'd be quite bemused if a mum at school I hardly knew asked me to do this and would think she had Münchausen syndrome or some real serious "issues".

Don't lie to your mum. It's ridiculous.

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WyfOfBathe · 16/07/2017 00:08

There's no way I would tell such a lie for an acquaintance. I don't think I would do it even for a friend.

As LadyPenelope says, you are effectively denying her the power to make her own decision. From my own experience, that is a hard thing to forget, even when you know it was meant with good intentions.

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