Missing the old me

[Iactuallylovebingbunny]

Iactuallylovebingbunny

I don't know if this is unreasonable or not. I have two children (5 and 2) who are my absolute world, I've stayed off work while they are both young and have been very fortunate to do so. Recently I've been feeling very sad at remembering who I used to be before children. I feel like that person is gone completely. Don't get me wrong, I adore my life, I'm very happy with DH and my children, I just get this overwhelming sense of nostalgia sometimes, like I feel the responsibility of being a mother weighs heavily on me (I really wouldn't have it any other way!) And I feel guilty for even thinking how sometimes I'd just love to walk out the door for one whole day and not have to worry that something will go wrong. Or just to do something for myself. Or to go and have a night out without feeling like I can't let my hair down because I'll have to get up the next day with the children and a hangover just isn't worth it. Does anyone else miss their old life at all?
I'd like to stress again how I am not unhappy at all, I just feel like there's a constant pressure to try and be the best mother I can be (all self inflicted, i might ad!) And i feel it's starting to get to me a bit!

Yes. Much of the time. I miss quality time with DH and crave just a night away (just the two of us) which hadn't happened in 4 years. I miss spontaneity and a tidy house. I miss being able to relax and be off-guard at times. Had to leave DH at a party earlier to bring the kids home in time for bed 😢

@Iactuallylovebingbunny totally! I've got three. Eldest now 15 and still feel like this. No longer with their dad and have raised them alone for 7 years. Sometimes the weight of it all is crushing. Not sure what the answer is, just wanted you to know you're not alone! 🍷 helps!

If you have a dh around, and if money isn't too tight, couldn't you arrange to do just that thing? Have a night out on the understanding that he is in charge the next day? Or even a weekend away?

When mine were little, I used to go to a 4-day conference once a year. Ostensibly for work, but really it was about keeping my sanity. 4 days at the other end of the country when whatever happened was not my responsibility.

Totally get you OP. I wouldn't change having my children for the world but I just miss the fun me I guess! Since my baby was born nearly 8 weeks ago not one friend has come to see us. I haven't been able to go over & see them as I have a nursery pick up half way through the day & then normal school time pick up & they're usually working weekends as they work in retail & 'entertainment' if you like. I just feel a bit bleurgh & like I don't have much of a social life any more. If you can get a babysitter definitely try & have a day to yourself to do things you used to love doing, or an evening out with your partner. Or both if you have a really good babysitter will do you the world of good

Can you get a night out with your friends and let DH get up in the morning and let you sleep off your hangover? Does DH go out?

Oh god yeah! I'm sure the old me is still on that hospital bed in that ghastly nightie screaming for gas and air!

My child is 10 and I still mourn the old me and our old life.

We never get decent time and I'm sure most other couples would have split by now. There's no guarantee we won't!

It's grindingly relentless and the weight is crushing.

I have to say it's worth it because that's what you say....but really, is it?

Why can't you go out for the day? I have a 4 and 2yo and DH looked after them today while I had a (rare) day out. It was great.

Sounds like you would worry if you did this? Why? Is DH not competent?

But yeah, I do miss large parts of my old life. Especially sleep. And not being whinged and demanded at.

I completely miss the old me! Or I do these days is try to pacify my 8 year old and keep everyone happy. It's draining. Even when I get time to myself I get worried that I'm taking too long or my son is getting upset because I'm not at home. It's relentless and sometimes I'm sick to the back teeth of it. Obviously I completely loved my son and wouldn't be without him but some days I'm just tired and drained!

All I do NOT or I do!!!!

I understand the nostalgia feeling . If the / year old can go without daytime feeds then take some time away. Take advantage of being in a couple.Arrange for a Saturday or Sunday to yourself with your partner haviing the kids. Go out and have a childfree day .

I think I have a great sense of fomo as well, a good friend from uni is getting married but I've not been able to go to the hen or the wedding as it's in a different country. And with me not earning money is tight enough. We're also renovating a house at the min to move into (which doesnt help the dmfinancial situation) so DH is constantly there. That's why I don't feel right asking him to mind the kids, he works full time and then straight away to the house to do work so it's rare that we have time together. And any time We do have I want us to spend as a family. I wouldn't change having my children for anything, but it's hard sometimes. I shouldn't moan, thousands of women would kill to be as lucky as I have been. Two healthy children, conceived very easily! I think it's a case of 'grass always being greener' maybe? I have bad anxiety problems too (although I try and keep it on the down low) I panic quite easily when my children are with anyone else, completely irrational, I know but I can't help it. Which also prevents me from enjoying any time away I do have properly! I think I'm struggling with that bit too, I used to be so easy going before I had children, and now in trying to keep that up for appearances but inside I feel so tightly wound all the time! Like almost waiting for so.ething to go wrong!
Glad to hear I'm not alone in this, I'm the only one of my friends to have children so finding it hard for other to relate!

As soon as you become a parent Op everything changes, I wish I could relax more, my husband works really hard and my son can be a nightmare at bedtime so if I do go out I always worry if he's playing up. My problem is I try to solve all the problems myself.
It's ok to moan, why feel guilty about having a good moan? Yes you have a good life but you can still miss things like your freedom, girly nights out, lie ins at the weekend.
Hopefully when your house is sorted you can have a bit more freedom and maybe find a regular baby sitter who you trust.
Good luck.