To think all the men I have ever had contact with have screwed me over one way or another

[theduchessstill]

I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself lately following what seems like a long spell of pretty shit things happening (though of course in many ways I am extremely lucky) and probably wallowing far too much. But I have concluded that nearly every man of any significance in my life has been an utter arsehole:

1. My df. An alcoholic (not until my late teens though and 'functioning', still. Very selfish all his life, emotionally distant, has taken money from me, no help or support whatsoever throughout life.

2.Various assorted exes during my teens and 20s - mostly selfish and more than one cheated on me. Well, they weren't all bad and I wasn't perfect I suppose, so this bit may be a flaw...

1. Various assorted bosses during my teens and 20s - arrogant patronising knobbers pretty much to a man, aside from a lovely Italian restaurant manager I knew 20 years ago.

1. My ex husband - cheated on me with a mutual friend and will be an ongoing source of stress and tension in my life due to having to co-parent with him (he is pretty involved tbf). He speaks to me like shit all the time, and, although reliable compared to a lot of NR fathers, really treats me like a pa and expects me to do the thinking, organising, planning for us both where the dc are concerned and throws a tantrum (often in front of them) if it goes wrong ever.

1. My 'boss' - took a promotion from under my nose that he didn't want just to stop me from ever being his boss because I am a woman ad younger than him, got the job because he has a penis, despite everyone knowing he had done nothing for years, then proceeded to get me to do everything for him while he took the credit for my initiatives.

1. Higher level bosses who run my organisation and are sexist through and through. Promote men, overlook women, discriminate, make pathetic comments they don't even realise are totally sexist...

1. Then you look wider and see Donald Trump is president of the USA when we could have had Hilary, and Jeremy Corbyn is leader of the Labour Party - he may have redeemed himself somewhat lately, but it's appalling that Labour haven't had a female leader yet and Yvette Cooper was an option.. Philip Hammond's recent comments, Teresa May on girl and boy jobs... When will it end?

AIBU to think every man is a dick? Or...that we still live in a deeply sexist society and it is pretty bloody depressing sometimes...

Or...that we still live in a deeply sexist society and it is pretty bloody depressing sometimes...

YANBU. It is very depressing.

As for your exes being assholes, perhaps you subconsciously look for men who are like your father. Not sure whether this also holds true for bosses, though. Do you work in a very male dominated field?

Some men are indeed dicks. Some women are too. You mentioned Theresa May yourself. Hillary (while obviously better than Trump by virtue of not being Trump) is not particularly amazing herself.

By doing this you're being sexist yourself.

I do feel bad you've experienced so many bastards though.

I think your sweepingly judgmental actually. It must be a misery being you, surrounded by "dicks" - have you ever taken a look at your self deeply and analysed why you are allegedly a dick magnet?

I have been there. this is no criticism of you.
Your df was like that and that is what you were used to, growing up. It was 'normal'. So you subconsciously were drawn to partners who were like that - it was what you were used to.

Then because it was early days for you, you hadn't yet got the skills to deal with men like that or similar to that. But now you see the pattern in life and can move on!

What Wauden said 💐

I also agree with Wauden. And I have also been in similarly shit relationships. I grew up with a very abusive sister who bullied and abused me mentally and physically but was occasionally nice, I ended up marrying a very similar man - a bully and an abuser but I put up with it all for the occasional moments of niceness.

I am not wary of men so much as being wary of my judgement, so I tend to avoid getting close to any but a few trusted people.

We tend to get into patterns and each bad encounter reinforces the cycle. We seek the teeth to match our wounds as the saying goes.

Breaking the cycle is what it is all about and sometimes that means realising you are happier on your own.

YABU to describe every man as a dick. YANBU to think every man in your experience has screwed you over.

The former doesn't necessarily follow from the latter. I've finally realised I'm a bad picker after a failed lengthy marriage and two following long term rellies. But I wouldn't equate those experiences with bosses, of which I've had a few bad 'uns.

I picked the losers. The bosses picked me.