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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I should have been invited?

26 replies

CrohnicallyPregnant · 15/07/2017 20:51

Briefly, I'm off on maternity leave, work had a leaving do for someone and the first I heard of it was when I saw pictures on Facebook. I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to leave LO to go, but given that I'm in touch with a lot of them on Facebook and several people have my mobile number, I think they should have mentioned it so I could sign the card, contribute to the present etc.

WIBU to mention it?

OP posts:

milkmoustache · 15/07/2017 21:09

YWBU to mention it, you are not at work at the moment and leaving cards/presents are a work thing.

Fruitcorner123 · 15/07/2017 21:13

They either forgot or didn't mention it because they didn't think you would come but either way i wouldn't bother mentioning it. If there is one of them you are particularly close to you could ask them how it went but i wouldn't let yourself be upset about it. If you wouldn't have been able to leave LO then I am assuming she/he is fairly new so that's probably why they left you out. No big deal.

Whodoesthis17 · 15/07/2017 21:17

Your not at work, so that is why you weren't asked.

hana32 · 15/07/2017 21:20

YWBU to mention it. You're not at work so you weren't invited. I'm on mat leave too and aware there's been a couple of people leaving our team but wouldn't even occur to me to expect to be asked to leaving dos etc as I'm off for a year! I wouldn't want to leave DC anyway!

Original poster

CrohnicallyPregnant · 15/07/2017 21:20

I get that I'm not at work, but technically I do still work there... but looks like IABU so I won't mention it.

OP posts:

LanaDReye · 15/07/2017 21:23

Try to arrange some Keeping In Touch (KIT) days before you go back, starting a month or so before and mention that you would like to be included then. Before this it seems odd as you aren't physically there.

JennyBlueWren · 15/07/2017 21:23

I don't think you should mention it as it's too late now but if someone else is on maternity leave in the future maybe you could make the effort to ensure they are kept in the loop about that sort of thing.
The first time I left my son was for a colleague's leaving do and I took him with me for some in-school events that I was informed of. It's all part of keeping in touch.

Waterlow · 15/07/2017 21:28

Why wouldn't you be invited? I was invited to leaving dos while I was on maternity leave. You're still employed by them.

AntiHop · 15/07/2017 21:47

Yanbu. I was invited to the Christmas party when I was on maternity leave.

ememem84 · 15/07/2017 21:49

I'm going on mat leave mid sept and have an invite to the Christmas do. As does dh (my work allows us to bring partners).

Applesandpears23 · 15/07/2017 21:49

Is there someone at work you have asked to let you know about these things? The first time I was on mat leave I didn't get told about some stuff. This time I have specifically asked for regular updates about leavers/joiners/restructuring.

Muddlingalongalone · 15/07/2017 21:50

I would mention it in terms of - can you let me know if you're doing team things in the future...
I was invited to everything when I was on maternity leave, although sometimes v last minute when they'd obviously forgotten me😀

I wouldn't be upset though since a) you're not fussed about leaving lo anyway & b) it's so easy to overlook people. I managed to do it in a team email about lunch the other day with people I see everyday

Atthebottomofthegarden · 15/07/2017 21:59

I get you; I hated the out of sight, out of mind feeling that came with being on maternity. They didn't even invite me to the xmas lunch. It was a bit of a revelation, I'd thought i was well liked and very much part of the team. Clearly not so much... To be frank it made it easier to put the baby's needs first when I returned to work, though.

Don't say anything about the leaving do, it's too late now anyway.

bimbobaggins · 15/07/2017 21:59

Yabu at not being invited to something you wouldn't have went to anyway.

Steph999999 · 15/07/2017 21:59

I'm on mat leave at the moment but know from when I was at work and others were on maternity how easily it is to overlook them especially if they have been off for a while. It's easily done and I'm sure you weren't deliberately not invited.

If you would like to be included in future events and you have intentions of going then I would say something like, let me know next time you have a leaving do/evening out as I'd love to come and catch up with everyone.

If you're not interested in actually going to any future meet ups then I wouldn't bother mentioning it. Will probably make your colleagues feel a bit guilty for not inviting you and you won't gain anything from saying anything either.

SafeToCross · 15/07/2017 22:05

The thing is, if stuff is arranged via a group work email, it relies upon someone to remember to contact you seperately. Some people are good at remembering that stuff, others are not, but I wouldn't consider it a personal slight. And I totally would not consider contacting someone on mat leave to sign a card or make a contribution. That would seem OTT.

OlennasWimple · 15/07/2017 22:18

Some people get precious about work contacting them when they are on leave (maternity / sick / holiday), so employers can't really win...

Just mention to your line manager when you are next in touch with them that you would like to be invited to that sort of stuff (but don't expect them to facilitate signing the card etc, that can be hard enough to do at the best of times)

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 15/07/2017 22:18

Count yourself lucky OP ! Before you know it you will be back in it . Enjoy some time out

NikiBabe · 15/07/2017 22:20

I dont know. I once contacted a colleague on mat leave about something social and I got a very snippy email back about how she was on mat leave and concentrating on looking after her children.

Ok then. That was me told.

People may assume to leave you be as it may be considered inappropriate to contact you.

sparechange · 15/07/2017 22:30

The trouble is, for every thread like this, there is another one where the OP is complaining that the company couldn't even leave her alone for a few months, and have been texting about company events and putting pressure on her to come to christmas parties etc etc

Companies and colleagues can't win, but if you are friendly with colleagues, there is no harm is saying the night out looked really fun, you were gutted to have missed it and not said goodbye to X, and can they drop you a text if there are any other big events because while you can't guarantee you can get a sitter, you would like to chip in a present

MumsOnCrack · 15/07/2017 22:31

I wouldn't worry. My mat leave cover binned three people on my team and then they had a night out to celebrate last years success - which was down to me and my team. I let it go...

Duck90 · 15/07/2017 22:34

Good company practice is to keep those on maternity leave up to date and involved. In practise, it's not so easy. Your team maybe under staffed and losing this colleague will be putting them under pressure.

Did you not know they were leaving? I would have sent a message saying let me know the plans, I will join in saying goodbye.

Original poster

CrohnicallyPregnant · 16/07/2017 07:52

I knew colleague was leaving, but didn't expect the official do to be so soon as she still has a few weeks left! I will be popping in before she goes to say my goodbyes then, and arrange KIT days, so I will ask about being on the mailing list. They'll probably be arranging the Christmas do soon and by then LO will be on solids and easier to leave, so I'll tell them to let me know the plans.

OP posts:

Saiman · 16/07/2017 08:01

Its a really difficult one.

Yes in best practise you would. But i have, personally, had a few women on MAT leave have a go. One about a leaving do and one about a job that had come open that they had expressed interest in.

The about the job had expressed that only her manager call her. Which was fine. Except her manager had gone on long term sick. We had an obligation to let her know about the job and she had refused to give her home email.

I would just mention you would love a night out with them.

milkmoustache · 16/07/2017 08:28

But OP said she wouldn't have gone to the leaving do anyway!! Feels a bit like she is looking for a reason to take offence.

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