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AIBU?

WIBU to ring friend with new baby?

18 replies

Nessalina · 15/07/2017 20:26

Feeling totally mortified! My good friend gave birth on Weds to her first and is still in hospital due to feeding issues. We usually FB message but she's not been in very frequent contact (understandably!), only one short message convo, but I've just been waiting for her to get in touch when she had the opportunity.
I'm at my mums and my mum was shocked that I hadn't spoken to her on the phone, and I was trying to explain that I very rarely phone people, usually message, but then I started to worry that my friend would be feeling all alone on post natal, I remember it being rotten in the evenings when I was in myself and DH had had to go home, so I thought 'sod it' and called her.
Mistake! She sounded quite stressed and had a midwife due round any minute, and it was horribly awkward. I won't go into detail, but I feel like a right pillock for disturbing her.
I shouldn't have rung should I?? Why do I ever listen to my mother?! Blush

OP posts:
PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 15/07/2017 20:30

If she is on a ward in hospital I wouldn't worry about calling her. I only took calls from my close family and DP (when he left for the night).
The hospitals do drug/monitoring rounds at weird time, then you have drs doing checks on women that need it.
If she's still in for feeding then you'll add the visits from the midwives/feeding specialists.

No harm in sending a text then she can respond when she's free

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 15/07/2017 20:32

Just read that you did call. Teach me for not reading properly
I wouldn't worry about it. I guess she would be so busy that she'll not think of it again

ZanyMobster · 15/07/2017 20:34

Aw I think it's lovely you were thinking about her enough to call, just message to say you were worried she may be lonely so wanted to make sure she was ok but sorry if you called at a bad time.

Outnotdown · 15/07/2017 20:37

If you're good mates she won't mind, same happened to me, except I was the one who had had the baby. I felt bad afterwards that I wasn't able to talk to her properly, she felt bad for the reasons you've just mentioned, we had a laugh about it later on. No biggie.

ZanyMobster · 15/07/2017 20:38

Just remembered that my first call in hospital was from my boss who is absolutely lovely but I had split up with XH and was pregnant by new partner (it wasn't that close together) but DS was 2 weeks early and she asked if he was definitely my new partners Shock I am sure she didn't mean anything nasty but just foot in mouth really but not how I imagined the call to go Grin. At least you were calling just to see how she was!

thatorchidmoment · 15/07/2017 20:38

How about texting her to say you would love to chat when she has some free time: would she like to either call/FaceTime you when she has some time to talk, or tell her to text when she is free and you can give her a ring?

It's partly a generational thing, I think. I know I conduct lots of chats via messages whereas my parents would have picked up the phone for a chinwag. In fact, much as I love my mum, she can quite happily spend an hour on the phone and I hang up feeling bemused as she has managed to talk constantly while managing to actually say very little! I would have much preferred to get on with all the stuff I need to do while exchanging messages at my convenience, whereas she loves parking herself on a seat and spending an hour gabbling.

malin100 · 15/07/2017 20:42

If I were her, I just wouldn't have answered. I was in for ages and due to both me and my baby having various issues requiring multiple specialists, I had doctors and midwives seeing me up to 20 times a day, had staff coming to tell me to go get my meals 3 times a day, had cleaners coming in once a day, had to take my baby to SCBU twice a day, had the painkiller lady coming what felt like once a week instead of 4 times a day (but I still loved her) and had feeding issues that meant I was always feeding, winding, settling or expressing at all times in between. Phone calls, if there were any (it's a blur), would have gone via my husband. I can't remember much from that time but I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't have answered a call. I really wouldn't have held it against you if you'd called though. I would've thought you were being very thoughtful, but unfortunately I just didn't have the time to speak, and I'd have made a mental note to message you later, then I would've forgotten as I was getting about 1 hour of sleep every 48 hours. I hope she's not in quite as bad a situation, but I'm sure she'll be the same - grateful but forgetful and tired. Don't worry about it and just send her a message tomorrow.

Whodoesthis17 · 15/07/2017 20:53

You spoke, you called, you facebooked, and I am sure you will visit.

No I would think you were a great friend.

Got for a visit when she says it's ok take flowers and a cake or too, and know you did fine.

Andrewofgg · 15/07/2017 20:55

ZanyMobster Come on now, you've got to tell us what you answered!

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 15/07/2017 20:59

If you're really concerned, text her and say something like:

I'm so sorry if I called at a bad time. I was thinking about you and wanted to call to see how you all are but now I realise it probably wasn't a good time. Really looking forward to seeing you and meeting .

Nessalina · 15/07/2017 21:04

Thanks for making me feel less like a foolBlush I have followed up with a text saying sorry to disturb and hope to catch up soon!

OP posts:
UpYouGo · 15/07/2017 21:07

Don't send another message to apologise for calling! I wouldn't contact her again until she's home, she'll call or text you if she wants to talk.

Don't beat yourself up for ringing her though, you did a nice thing.

UpYouGo · 15/07/2017 21:07

Crossed post, ignore Blush

gingergenius · 15/07/2017 21:13

@Nessalina you sound like a lovely friend. Send the text as others have suggested and let yourself off the hook. You did nothing wrong x

BeepBeepMOVE · 15/07/2017 21:25

Definitely not generational! Mid twenties here and I'd be very upset and shocked if my friends didn't call after I'd given birth!

My friends are on the same level as my family but I think on MN a lot of posters dismiss friends as separate- very much blood thicker than water. Tbh I would want my friends more than my family in most situations given I have chosen them to be in my life rather than family is what you are stuck with.

Don't feel bad about calling I'm sure she knows you had good intentions and will look back and be glad you called.

ZanyMobster · 15/07/2017 21:26

Andrew - I was completely pathetic and just said yes definitely no chance it isn't. I put that down to hormones and emotions as DS was on intensive care at that point. It still stuns me that she actually said it out loud TBH. There was a very short gap between XH and DH but I had confided in her re XH so she knew the gap where it would be physically possible was a very long time so it was a really odd comment! Also even if it wasn't there's a time and a place. . .

Nessalina · 15/07/2017 21:28

That's ridiculous Zany Shock Hardly the time to ask!!

OP posts:
ZanyMobster · 15/07/2017 21:38

I know. It was very surreal. She was actually so supportive of me it just seemed so out of character.

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