Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Drowsy but awake?

16 replies

Skippydooda · 15/07/2017 18:28

I've been a lurker on MN since my pregnancy last year, but this is my first post (can't quite believe I'm braving AIBU!).

I'm a first time mum and my DS is almost 16 weeks old. I'm lucky in that he sleeps very well at night - usually about a c. 7 hour stretch in one go. He feeds to sleep and is then transferred into his cot, although if he wakes again nearer 5/6am I tend to bring him (safely) into bed with me for the last hour or so of sleep.

Naps are where I tend to fall down. We don't have a routine going as such, but there's definitely a rhythm to the day where he can only be happily awake for about 2 hours, so I try to keep an eye on that & get him to sleep by that point. He doesn't feed to sleep during the day so we'll either carry him around until he falls asleep or pop him in the sling to lull him off. Then it's anyone's guess if he'll allow himself to be put down.

When he was a newborn I was totally chilled out about letting him nap on me/ in the sling etc. but for some reason over the last few weeks all the books I've been looking at and friends and family have been talking about how he should now be sleeping in his cot during the day and, more crucially being put down 'drowsy but awake'. That just isn't anyway realistic for him at the moment and I'm not willing to let him cry himself to sleep.

Am I messing him up forever more by not teaching him to self settle? I've just been doing what I need to do to keep him happy and rested but I'm getting quite stressed out about this now given the amount of comments I've had.

So, AIBU to ask how many people had babies of this age that they could just 'put down' to sleep as I see written in the books? If not, how did things pan out for you as your baby got older?

Thanks!

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 15/07/2017 18:35

Mine could be put down Awake but he uses a dummy...

kaytee87 · 15/07/2017 18:36

He's almost one now and barring illness goes to sleep himself

BendingSpoons · 15/07/2017 18:36

Do it your way! He is tiny and needs you to get him to sleep for now. DD needed help to sleep at that age, usually feeding. She is 16 months now and generally goes down awake and settles herself to sleep. She has been doing this for months, can't remember when, but before a year. If your method is working for you now then stick with it. You can change it later if need be, and personally I think it is easier to make changes when they are older and more developmentally able to cope.

DoubleCarrick · 15/07/2017 18:38

I think they develop self settling skills in their own time. My DS got to about 5 months and would then cry on me until i put him down for a nap. This is a blessing and a curse because it now means I need to be home for naps!

Jennyhatesjazz0 · 15/07/2017 18:39

Five month old here. I can put him down awake sometimes and he'll drift off. Probably 50/50. However, I tend to either rock or feed him to sleep. I could put him in the cot during the day if I wanted to, but to be honest I'd rather have him asleep on me. I like it, he sleeps well, we have cuddles. I tend to ignore the 'rod for back' brigade around this.

WinterWinds001 · 15/07/2017 18:46

I fed to sleep for a while with DS, until we moved him to his own room at 6 months, both naps and night time.
He adjusted well and has slept 12 hours and self settled since then.

DD was put down in cot awake pretty much from the start day time and from about 6 weeks night time as i had, then almost 2 year old, DS too and just didn't have the time.
She too has self settled and slept 12 hours since about 6 months.

Grand scheme of things, from my experience anyhow, it doesn't make a great deal of difference. Cuddle your baby and feed him to sleep if that is what you want and what makes you both happy. I so wish i had done it more with both of mine.

CrohnicallyPregnant · 15/07/2017 18:47

I was told that once an older baby didn't need a night feed and got the hang of self settling they'd sleep through. Nobody told DD1 that though. All that work on self settling and it made no difference. Like a PO though, I found it restrictive having to be home in the middle of the day for a long cot nap, whereas my DN had to be helped to go to sleep but would nap on our sofa or in the pushchair so was more flexible.

PeanutButterIsEverything · 15/07/2017 18:57

The phrase 'drowsy but awake' used to fill me with rage. I had a refluxy baby that would only fall asleep on the boob, being bobbed in a sling or being pushed around in a constantly moving pram or in the car. He didn't do drowsy, he went from wide awake to fast asleep in seconds, waking if I dared stop the car or pushchair I nearly went mad with sleep deprivation and exhaustion and felt I was doing it all wrong and somehow damaging my son forever by not leaving him to figure it out by himself.

Now? He's 19 months and started sleeping through quite randomly about 16 months, although there had been a gradual improvement since 12m. Did I mention he would also wake every hour or 2 for months too. Don't know how I survived really. Did I do anything specific? No. Did any or the techniques I had previously tried work? No. The hopeful yet gruelling truth is that by and large they will sleep when they are ready and the only thing you can really manage is your expectations and trying to get support for when it's really hard.

The phrase 'put them down drowsy but awake' still makes me twitch even though I can now actually do it!

Angelicinnocent · 15/07/2017 18:58

At 16 weeks, mine definitely still fell asleep on me. I would put them in their cot once they were asleep though and wouldn't get them up as soon as they woke up so they got used to lying in their by themselves. Started putting them down while still awake when they got to about 6 months but staying around until they fell asleep

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 15/07/2017 19:02

I started very early putting DD down drowsy but awake but only because I cared for nephew a lot as a tiny baby (sis had PND) and I used to sit and shhhh until he fell asleep. It was endless and I swore I wouldn't do it with my own. To be fair he was particularly high maintenance (even the HV said ).

DH was nursed to sleep every night and he falls asleep easier than I do, and my mum put me down awake. I wouldn't overthink it, do what suits you both.

Me264 · 15/07/2017 19:56

My DS was amazing at self settling at bedtime and at night (with a dummy) from a very early age. For some reason naps were a totally different story. He was rocked to sleep for naps and transferred to the cot once asleep until he was nearly a year old.

Original poster

Skippydooda · 15/07/2017 20:41

Thanks all for your replies, that's made me feel loads better. It's like since he turned 12 weeks he's suddenly supposed to start being more independent according to the books.

I think you're all right - if we're both happy then it's fine. I'm certainly not sleep deprived so we'll keep on as we are & see how things are as he gets older.

Peanutbutter I totally agree - drowsy but awake is one of my most hated phrases from parenting books

OP posts:

Welshrainbow · 15/07/2017 21:42

At 16 weeks I could put my DS down drowsy but awake to sleep but now at two I have to cuddle him to sleep then put him down so was of no benefit me being able to do that earlier. Don't worry about what all the books etc say, enjoy those sleepy cuddles and do things your way.

Sunshinegirl82 · 15/07/2017 22:43

Ds is 12 months and has never been a great sleeper. If I could have my time again I wouldn't read a single book that told me what I "should" be doing.

At 4 months I spent weeks sitting beside him, shh patting, trying to get him to settle. He never did, still doesn't. All that happened was I got increasingly stressed about the whole situation and was spending half my life sat in darkened rooms trying to get Ds to sleep which was helping no-one,

I stopped in the end after my mum told me Ds hadn't read the book, I had been exactly the same and to do what I thought was best! Ibrocked Ds to sleep before transferring to sleepyhead/bedside cot before 6 months and cot in his own room after 6 months, from then on.

He now has 2 90 min cot naps a day and usually does a solid 5/6 hour stretches tonight before coming in with us.

He still wakes in the night and still feeds in the night (and is an early riser!) but it's manageable for us now. I'm convinced it's all down to the child and they'll make the changes when they're ready.

Do what you think is best for you and your baby, that's all that really matters.

thiswillhavetodo · 15/07/2017 22:59

Don't know if this is any help but My 6 month old has been put in his cot (nearly always pretty much) awake with his dummy and Muslin then (within reason) left to go to sleep. Obviously I see to him if he cries, but been like it since he was about 3 and a half/4 months. I know I've been lucky tho. I've persisted with getting him into a little routine of milk, nappy, bed even for naps from fairly early tho I know it's hard and your little one is still little! If what you're doing is working for you and you're both happy with it then you crack on!!! ❤️

Collienova · 15/07/2017 23:09

Trust your instincts! I co-slept with my DD for nearly 2 years, she was BF for just over a year and fed to sleep and then rocked to sleep. My DH thought I was making a rod for our own back and that we were not 'teaching' her proper sleep habits. 5 years on and we do not have a single problem with her sleep. She goes to sleep by herself, settles herself and sleeps 12 hours most of the time. She only wakes up when she's unwell.
I am in no way implying that my decisions made that happen, just saying that they definitely didn't turn her into a sleep nightmare.

Do what feels right and don't let the books make you insecure. You know your child best. Just make sure you take care of yourself as well.

Flip