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AIBU about my new hobby?

17 replies

GirlOnATrainToShite · 15/07/2017 16:50

Love my DSDs.

We have them EOW and about half the holidays they are 10 & 12.

They can't swim very at all, wecpaid for them to have lessons a while back and we try to take them swimming but it's hard to discourage them from just splashing each other and the actually practice swimming. Their mum never takes them as she doesn't like swimming but allows them to swim in rivers which I am very Hmm about.

My three children are nearly adult (brought them up alone) and I admit that I struggle sometimes with "going back" to doing things with my DSDs that my kids have grown out of - BUT they have been in my life for 8 years and I chose this situation they did not.

OH and I have recently saved up and bought some paddle boards and Kayaks which we really enjoy and have been doing on the weekends we have no kids (we live by the sea).

DSDs also have form for not looking after anything (seriously) being quite destructive and breaking stuff.

OH now says he wants to take them out Kayaking and I am not keen. My main objection is that they are not strong swimmers and it's so easy to get into trouble (I am a strong swimmer and struggled to get back on the paddle board when I fell off) and I would be terrified of something awful happening. My other objection is tha while I fully partake in all the activities with the DSDs while they are here I am really really enjoying having an "adult" hobby that I have saved up to do and don't really want to have to stand in the water teaching a child (who cannot swim) how to use a my Kayack/paddle board.

I get precious little time to myself and have 7 people here EOW.

I also feel OH and I would run around doing all the "shit" bits like washing everything down as he has form for this (they will stand and watch him pump up their bike tyres rather than him showing them how to do it).

Also worry about them getting damaged (they used to have body boards which they both snapped in half the first time they used them). They also bicker and squabble about everything which often results in a fight (can imagine the paddle being used as a weapon!).

Oh says I am being selfish and U - maybe IABU a bit but do I have to share everything esp when I don't feel it's safe and is it ok to just want to keep this one hobby as something relaxing for us to do together?

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 15/07/2017 16:54

If your oh says 'he' wants to take them then let him crack right on. .
Tell him you hope they have fun. . You will be at x doing your own thing. Yanbu at all.

LindyHemming · 15/07/2017 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 15/07/2017 17:01

I quite often get involved because the girls want me to as does OH and he is only home on weekends - I often wish I was having some free time in the pub.

I worry that if he took them alone that would be more dangerous and the added worry of something getting broken!

OP posts:
llangennith · 15/07/2017 17:04

Let their father take them while you go and do your own thing.
From a safety POV the children should wear crew savers or other flotation aids so they won't drown.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 15/07/2017 17:11

I wouldn't dream of taking them in without a life jacket - but that doesn't guarantee not getting swept out etc.

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 15/07/2017 17:17

As Llangenniff. said, make sure they wear the right safety gear in the right size and know how to put it on and what to do if they capsize.
Is there, if necessary, somewhere for them to have basic kayak safety training? They are old enough to understand that the sea can be dangerous and they need to be able to stay safe. You never know, they might take to kayaking.

Beeziekn33ze · 15/07/2017 17:19

x post. You're right OP, they need to understand rip tides.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 15/07/2017 17:22

I guess I just want something for us which isn't kiddified - I find it so relaxing and that would not be so with the worrying about drowning and the bickering! Grin

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MimsyFluff · 15/07/2017 17:23

What about kayaking in the rivers, lake's or canals if there are any nearby? I was a keen kayaker I'd never do open waters with the DC till I was 100% sure they're strong swimmers so many accidents happen in open waters never mind with kids that aren't the best swimmers.

MimsyFluff · 15/07/2017 17:28
BellyBean · 15/07/2017 17:30

YANBU doesn't sound like they'd enjoy it that much anyway.

Could you gain time by agreeing only if they make an effort in the pool to become stronger swimmers?

WorknameJimEllis · 15/07/2017 17:34

Where we are, being able to swim 50m is a prerequisite for any kind of surf/ kayak or paddleboad activity.


he can take them out without you, and you aren't lending yours either.

akkakk · 15/07/2017 17:47

no watersports unless they can swm well... end of. it would be very dangerous

Doobigetta · 15/07/2017 17:50

I wouldn't allow them to do anything in or on the sea until they can swim properly, it just isn't safe.

NotTheCoolMum · 15/07/2017 17:51

YANBU. Keep your kit separately and safe! Phrase it as daddy daughter bonding time if you have to - oh I thought it would be nice for you to have some time together! I'm off to X, have fun!

Aquamarine1029 · 15/07/2017 18:05

I think justhadmyhaircut is right. Let their father take them and you stay out of it. His choice, his responsibility. And he can buy them their own kit to use.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 15/07/2017 18:55



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