AIBU to think of trying for another baby after this miscarriage?

[justcurious40]

On Monday I found out that my baby's heart had stopped beating that day. I was 8 weeks 5 days along. I had medical management and it was a very traumatic event, seeing my perfect little baby pass. I have been feeling very anxious and depressed.

When I found out on Monday, the doctor made some comments like "You've made space for the next baby", and I was adamant that I was not going to try again and put myself through this again.

As the days have passed, I've of course considered trying again. Sometimes I think it is the only way to heal.

But I am so afraid of this happening again, or even something worse. What if it was in the 2nd or 3rd trimesters, what if I had to have a TFMR? I am 41 so that is a real worry.

I am also in the very lucky position to already have four children. I thought we needed five for our family to be complete, but perhaps it is not fair on them to keep trying.

How do people make this decision, and how do you cope if the decision is not to try again? I have spent 18 months on this journey, so it is a huge adjustment to think we will give up now. AIBU to even consider trying again?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. I am in a similar position to yourself. I had a miscarriage in April, started to miscarry naturally but ended up with an emergency D&C as was losing to much blood. I'm considering TTC again from next cycle but it is worrying isn't it wondering if it will happen again. I'm late 30s and it would be my fourth section.

If you were given the go ahead by the doctor then it should be Ok to try depending on how you feel emotionally. I was advised to wait 3-6 months but that is probably due to the procedure.

Thanks for you reply and sorry for your loss. It is very scary thinking about trying again after this, isn't it? I hope you manage to find your answer, and wish you luck.

So sorry for your loss. I've had 5 miscarriages and while it's raw now and seems impossible to contemplate ttc again somehow the drive for that child overrides the concerns of losing again.

Statistically you're more likely to have a successful pregnancy than another miscarriage though

*raw for you now

Whatever you decide to do will be right. All these thoughts - and changing your mind from moment to moment are natural and part of grieving. Take your time, be nice to yourself and try not to worry too much about things in the future that may or may not be

I'm so sorry for your loss, I've had 3 miscarriages and they are devastating. However I'm nearly 41 and I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my 2nd rainbow - I had my mcs before the birth of my daughter. So you've got every chance of your next attempt being successful. And you don't need to wait 3 months anymore - as long as you wait for your next period it's fine,
Good luck

I miscarried early, it was a surprise pregnancy as we already had 4DC.
Losing that pregnancy made us realise that we had a gaping hole in our family for another baby.
Managed to conceive the next cycle and had DC5 heading towards 40.
Be kind to yourself

I think they advise you to wait just for mental reasons. Physically you can get pregnant straight away. I miscarried and went on to get pregnant the next month and fortunately all was fine. I'm glad I didn't listen to the advice to wait.

I think you are quite fertile after a miscarriage. But obviously it would be tough to go through another miscarriage again so soon. It's a very individual thing.

I'm so sorry. A year ago (to the day actually ) I had medical management for my 13 week loss. It was traumatic, so I know how you feel.

Just threw ourselves into trying again and I'm now cuddling my 3 week old.

Yes, the pregnancy was stressful. I was an anxious mess, but it was so worth it.

Only you know if you can face trying again, but for me I just knew it was s yes.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Everyone deals with it in different ways and none is less valid than the others.

I got pregnant a few months after finding out I'd miscarried at 12 weeks.

That pregnancy resulted in DS2, but mentally it was too soon for me. I had serious MH issues (anxiety and depression) for the first 7 months of pregnancy related to fear of loss and something going wrong and DS had/has some issues which can be caused or made worse by stress in pregnancy - and I do wonder if my mental state was the cause of it.

I worked very hard in the last two months (therapy and a lot of self help) of pg and ended up having a very positive birth, but did have PND which started when he was around 4 months old.

In hindsight I wish I'd acknowledged more how awful the miscarriage was, and dealt with it properly before trying again. I went back to my stressful job after a week and wasn't ready, ended up having a breakdown the same month I fell pregnant again which wasn't ideal.

I wanted three kids initially but have decided to stick with two following everything. I'm counting my blessings. I do feel a bit jealous of friends who are pregnant with their third now, but I can deal with it.

So my advice would be - take very good care of yourself, and take as long as YOU need to deal with it and get the answer you're looking for - ultimately an extra few months is unlikely to make a big difference to your fertility Xx

Sorry I didn't reply before. I was having a hard time getting my head around it all. Thanks for your replies, everyone, and sorry for all of yours losses.