Spousal maintenance - your thoughts?

[betteroffwithouthim]

I've just read that Mel B is having to pay £30k a month to her ex in spousal maintenance or the equivalently named allowance.

Obviously she's a multi millionaire and can afford a big sum but should she have to pay this? Her husband is able to work and earn his own money, why should she support him?

On a very much smaller scale I am facing a similar issue. It would be very interesting to hear your points of view on this, not especially about millionaire's and their wealth but ordinary workers paying exes a maintenance grant so they don't have to work (or can choose reduced hours).

Spousal maintenance is uncommon and usually paid for a limited period. Why should a parent have to return to work full time the second a relationship breaks down? Particularly an issue when the break up isn't your choice or when young children are involved or there is illness or disability in the family.

Mel B was married for sometime. There are risks when you marry someone who earns less than you. Lifestyle, length of relationship and children all make for settlements in favour of the poorer partner. Why should a child see their parent suddenly have nothing if there is sufficient money floating around to avoid that?

My own personal view is to avoid it. I'd rather be broke than have to rely on my ex for anything.

Was he ever prosecuted for battering the fuck out of her? He shouldn't be entitled to a penny IMO.

Spousal maintenance should be for people who can't work no those who choose NOT to work

I can't see anyone needing £30k a month to survive on
Most people don't earn that in a year

It's very rare now isn't it? Only about 10-15% of divorces feature spousal maintenance as a clean break is preferred.

Didn't he also batter a duck to death?

I think it can be appropriate in specific cases - not where the recipient was a domestic abuser though!

Where both spouses agreed that one give up their career to bring up children or support the other in a career involving frequent international postings/ travel or to carry out full time caring responsibilities... Then yes, in many cases spousal maintenance might be appropriate, especially if the working spouse is the one ending the marriage or has behaved intolerably (abuse, affair etc).

My DH had to pay his ExW an absolute shit tonne of money. Her spousal maintenance was £80,000 a year plus £2,500 a month until their son is 18 plus school fees, school trips, uniforms, extra curricular activities etc. Oh plus she didn't have a mortgage to pay as she got to keep the house, plus £250k cash lump sum. They split when he was 2. She's sorted for life.

She was/is more than capable of getting a job, particularly as DH also paid for a nanny for her/their son before he started school.

I'm glad Mel B isn't excused for paying what she can to her ExH. She should have thought of a pre-nup. The weaker spouse in wealthy households always wins (*from my experience and that of others I know).

I am not a fan.

However i do think if you live in a wealthy household and the richer person decides to fuck off, its not fair on the other person. Especially if that person has limited their earning potential during the marriage and its beeb a substantial marriage.

However i think it should be done during the divorce in division of assets rather than SM. I do think the financially weaker person still needs to work where possible though. I dont thibk anyone should be able to rely on an ex to pay for everything.

I cant commentbon the mel b situation because its different in the US and not sure what happened over the DV Accusations.

I think if the spouse can work it should at the very least be time limited - not until the DC are 18 either. A temporary cushion is fair enough, but as long as the NRP pays fair maintenance for any DC, the limit shouldn't be more than a couple of years.

I think there are some cases where it's appropriate and fair.

My friend gave up uni to become a trailing spouse. She moved countries every 18 months to 2 years. She hosted guests and clients for her husband almost weekly. There was a lot of dinners and events that she was expected to be heavily involved with. She was also responsible for their 4 kids and couldn't work because he could be called away for meetings with just a couple of hours notice.

He punched her in the face when a deal went wrong and moved a much younger woman into their family home to force her (and the kids) out.

It's entirely fair, imo, that she gets spousal maintenance until her youngest leaves school. That's what they chose for their children, and it gives her the chance to go to uni and to get some experience so that by the time she goes it alone without any money from him she's got decent earning potential. He is reaping the rewards of the career she helped build so she should too.

Another reason for spousal maintenance is so the children can have a similar quality of life with both parents. It wouldn't really be fair if every other weekend the child was going to a small flat whereas with mum they are in a large house, expensive outings etc.

It's essential and only fair and just in some circumstances. Friends of mine have been married 25 years plus and gave up their careers at their husbands requests to aid their careers.

They still have young disabled children to look after full time. They have been out the work place for years. Where is the equality if they did not receive spousal maintenance?.

They face poverty in old age and have made all the sacrifices. Why the hell should their ex reap the rewards?

There's so many variables. Child support (where I live) is set fairly low so if I did not receive spousal support (& I went back to work after the divorce) the kids would have a shite standard of living as I don't earn much (exh earns boodles). So it may say spousal maintenance but really it's to support he whole household. It's all I got out of the divorce, bar the furniture which was mostly mine to begin with.

I think it's very complex. I'm currently going through it. I don't think Mel B's ex should automatically be entitled to it.

My situation is 20 years with someone who cheated constantly (that's irrelevant though) I always worked but had a break for 5 years to look after our children. I raised the boys singlehanded pretty much as he was out of the house 15 hours a day and never there when the children were awake. I also moved abroad with him for three years to support his career which has launched him to next level and he earns an awful lot of money. Money which he has hidden from me for years it turns out.

I work (although I've just been made redundant) he only sees the boys once a fortnight. I'm really struggling for money and he's having a lovely time. I don't want to take him to the cleaners. For both child and spousal maintenance it would be around a fifth of his monthly take home.

I just think my contribution to our family and the support I gave him which enabled him to get where he is shouldn't be overlooked. His future earning potential is huge. Mine is limited and more so because I take care of the children 28 days of the month.