To be angry

[ImTooFarAwayFromBeingMe]

Husband was working till 3 Tuesday. He's a carer and a last minute appointment came up for one of the people he looks after for 6 so now he has had to change his shifts from 4 till midnight whilst this person goes to hospital for an appointment. ( won't put any details but it will mean my husband having to stay all evening) It's always him who has to change his shifts last minute and never anyone else even when others are on shift. He has to change his shifts last minute if the hospital staff book last minute appointments which always happens. Now he won't get back till early hours Wednesday morning when he initially should have only been working 9-3 Tuesday. Am I right to be angry? Any plans I had for Tuesday now have to be changed

Did he choose not to turn it down? Unless he is employed by the patient it doesn't have to be him . Perhaps others were more assertive. Is your anger at him or the care company?

Not sure if I understand the details fully but if he is caring for someone that has a hospital appointment and as a result the time in caring has changed that's not his or the persons fault, is it? If I felt pissed off it would be more so at the situation.

It's not just my husband caring for him. It's a company and there are several other staff. I just hate that he gets his shifts laid out and then we make family plans and then have to change because a last minute things comes up and now he has to stay until midnight. It's always him changing his shifts to accommodate it.

Also we have a problem with the car so he will have to find a way to get back home now.

Miffed maybe.

Angry? Did you have plans? Does he nevee get an evening at home? Why is tuesday night so important to you.

Not being arsey just trying to understand the anger

He could say no.

He needs to be more assertive.

Is he the only man in the group? He/his boss might be being emotionally blackmailed into doing it. I remember when I used to work in a care home years ago that the bosses would put men on nightshifts almost three times as much as they would women.

Presumably he could say "no" e.g. if he had to get home to provide childcare, then he couldn't just spontaneously agree to stay late.
Perhaps the other people are in the position of having such cast iron excuses as to why they can't stay on?

i work shifts (different job) and my rota quite often changes at short notice, due to illness or other members of staff booking days off or leaving suddenly. It's part of shift working, you kind of have to suck it up if you want to keep your job and be seen as an efficent member of the team.

My family also complain, as it does seem to them as if it's always me having to change shift or go in at short notice. It isn't, others do it too, but they don't see that, of course.

Is he afraid he may lose his job or be offered less hours if he refuses?

I worked in care, and used to dread my phone ringing - it was always a change to your weekly rota or adding more hours/covering. It was hard enough planning childcare when I had my rota on a saturday morning for the following week without it being changed on a daily basis, and in the end I started to get a bit more assertive and say No. Care companies don't care who does the work, as long as someone does. The only thing I'd say is that if it's a regular client with the hospital appointment, he may be needed to keep that person calm etc. You can't work in care and have a social life, in reality. I gave it up in the end, as I got so fed up of it.

He is an assertive person but I think he feels that if he doesn't do it then it won't get done right so feels he needs to just do it ( as others don't always do things the way they should be apparently) I just feel like I can't have a life because I can't rely on him for childcare anymore. It's me having to deal with it all. I know he has to work and wouldn't want him losing his job but I like to know where we stand as family and plan things in advance and when these things just come up and changes our week it just angers me

So you need to tell him that he needs to say No. "I won't be here to look after the children on Tuesday afternoon, so if you a accept the shift change you then need to also sort child care out for our children!"