To think I'm a horrible person

[namechangeforthistoday]

A couple of boys at DS1's school (ds is 5) have been a bad influence on him recently. One has hurt him and scared him a few times in the playground, the other is just a really bad influence - gets ds to do things and say things he wouldn't do without him, uses horrible language (and I mean really not nice words for a 30 year old to be saying, let alone a 5 year old), says mean things, is disruptive, and back-chats other parents. I emailed the school to ask for help in keeping my ds away from these boys and in keeping him safe and said a few things the boys have been doing. Now I am feeling really bad because I like both boys families and chat to the mums at drop off and pick up. I also chat to the boys themselves, as they r kind of friends with ds and they know me. The boy who has hurt ds is also quite sweet most of the time (can just get scarily violent on rare occasions) and ds's friend at school, so I have now found myself in the position of him and my ds having a play date. I feel so two faced and horrible because the mums have no idea about my email to the school.

Am I right to see myself as a horrible person and to regret having sent the email?

There's nothing to say you can't be friends with the parents of the children, even if your DC aren't pally. I get on with a couple of mothers who have sons in my daughter's year; my daughter has nothing to do with their boys.

You could avoid the play dates and ask if they fancy going for a bevvie one night instead.

Thanks barbarian. Yes, we have been encouraging him to take responsibility. He's got sticker charts etc... going and he is trying really hard. However, he is so under the influence of this boy. Eg. Boy says 'come on x let's run away'. Ds says 'ok great!'. Boy starts saying mean things to another child, ds joins in. Ds never instigates anything and when not at school is genuinely lovely! He would not think to say mean things or start fighting or disobey an adult of his own accord and I've never witnessed him doing so - however get a friend to suggest it and he's right in there! My fear is that he will learn from other boy that it's ok to do these things and will then start to become an instigator. If he plays with nice children (which I need school to help me encourage cos I am not there in the school day!) then he's lovely. You r right though, I will try harder withgettting him feeling more responsible and able to say no / walk away.

Also I work in a school, and it's quite illuminating hearing how parents perceive their child's personality (and their role in friendship dynamics) and contrasting it with the reality I see every day.

Unfortunate cross post!