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pickapartthatsnew · 14/07/2017 21:08

I listen to friends talk about how their partners pester them for sex, daily, weekly etc.

Here's the issue, my partner doesn't since the birth of our DD2 in October we have had sex twice even before this he was never interested in sex. He doesn't even watch porn. People have said to me before that
they think/ thought he was gay. Maybe that's it because appearance wise I haven't changed. More wrinkles but that's it.

Just after some advice really, what do I do.

OP posts:
Ormerod · 14/07/2017 21:11

Tell us a bit more about him.

Does he drink a lot?

Has he always had a low sex drive?

Do you argue much?

arethereanyleftatall · 14/07/2017 21:15

Well it all depends on how much sex you want?

To be honest, the mn sex quantity seems to be wildly different from my own circle of friends; most of my friends with dc have sex very rarely, average being about once a month.

TheUpsideDown · 14/07/2017 21:30

Since we had DS1 (who is now 4 btw) both our sex drives took a plummet. We were very sexually active beforehand. Every day it used to be. Now we're lucky if it's once or twice a month.

Now, the thought of dtd every day brings us both out in sweats!

Life's just gotten too busy and tiring. We're both fuckin exhausted.

I'm hoping when DS grows up and the hard work of running our own business calms down it'll go back to how it was

We still love each other, still fancy each other. And when we do dtd it's still great. It's just the frequency is not what it used to be.

Could this be similar to your dh? Could he just be tired? Run down with work?

Do you really genuinely believe he could be gay?

Voice0fReason · 14/07/2017 22:04

I don't think it's even that unusual. I know of several couples who have very limited sex but they are quite happy with that. No pressure from either of them, once a month is fine. I don't think it means that there is anything wrong. If both people are fine with it then it's not a problem.

rascallyrascal · 14/07/2017 22:07

My DH has quite a low sex drive, no interest in porn etc. I have no complaints. We have been married for an age and he absolutely isn't gay!! It's definitely quality not quantity with us! If you are happy with the way things are don't worry about what others say. They are probably exaggerating anyway!

Groupie123 · 14/07/2017 22:27

Think he might be getting it elsewhere? A close friend's DH's 'low sex drive' was caused by a twenty year old girl he'd been fucking ever since they returned from honeymoon (over three years).

pickapartthatsnew · 15/07/2017 08:30

He doesn't drink, maybe 3 bottles on a Saturday night and not every Saturday. We do fight a lot over money, family etc. I think I just want to feel wanted, desired.

OP posts:
Cookiesandcake · 15/07/2017 08:34

We've only had sex twice since our 14 month old was born. Combination of being tired, menstruating and the baby sharing our bedroom

TheUpsideDown · 15/07/2017 11:43

Money problems are definitely a libido killer. It certainly is for me. If you're constantly stressing about how the bills are going to get paid and you're arguing about it with each other the sex will of course take a nose dive.

But please don't think a loss of libido means he's either gay or shagging someone else. These are fairly extreme cases. Most people are just tired/stressed/have kids etc etc.

Maybe try at looking to reduce stress for both of you? We recently downsized our home to ease some financial stress, cut out a lot of non-essential luxuries. Being able to manage better financially has lifted a major mental weight for us both since we moved and we have had sex a little more often (not every day admittedly, but a little more).

The decrease in stress has also been a mood lifter and stopped most of our rows. So we show physical affection more often now... not sex, just snuggling up on the sofa, kissing, holding hands. Sex isn't the only way to feel loved, wanted and desired.

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