AIBU to tell my DM to p@$$ off?

[ihatepickingausername]

My DM is constantly lecturing me about letting my 3mo cry it out to sleep, she started insisting on it when she was just 2 weeks old! She also is determined to get her on food already.
My baby isn't ready for either of these things but I can not have a conversation with DM without her going on about it and it's really annoying me now.

I'm a first time mum but I feel very confident in feeling I'm doing a good job so far but whenever my DM gets on about that, it makes me doubt myself and knocks my confidence.

How do I tell her to leave it out and to let me get on with what I feel best, without it causing an argument?!

Just tell her to back off, you'll do things your own way and it's not her place to interfere or put you down (especially not to put you down!)

I said something like: I appreciate that it was different when I was little, but times have moved on and she's my child so it's my rules. Then repeat: my child. My rules.

My child. My rules.

Are you livtng with your DM? Or is she round your house all the time?

I'd just tell her you're enormously grateful for her help but you're happy that your DC is content, only three months old, and that you'll do it your way. Just say if it doesn't work out in six months time, you will be happy to hand your DC over for a couple of nights for her care but until then it's your DC.

Hand her any of the baby books or get her online so she can see what the current thinking is about first feeding solids including this NHS site

www.nhs.uk/chq/pages/812.aspx?categoryid=62

How often do you see dm? I would be cutting down the visits. .
Sounds like you are doing well to keep her at bay so far but it must be draining.

Actually part of why I am nc with my dm. Shit dm but felt qualified to dole out advice as a gm.

Avoiding an argument is your first mistake. She's relying on conflict aversion. Tell her that we are all different and have our own ways of doing things. If it starts a fight, show her the door. You don't need that sort of drama with a new baby.

Horton I like that. We always get into a full conversation about it but I think I'll just use that as my reply every time without talking about it further.

My child, my rules.

We live very close so she is around a lot. We do get on well and she does help us out a lot in all sorts of ways. But she is the type to disagree with what colour you're painting your own walls!

My 3mo is a terrible sleeper, this is why she feels I need to be doing all of this already.

Sorry your mum isn't being super helpful! Just a point but have you had baby checked for reflux? Can be a nightmare with sleep.

Your mum is a fucking dinosaur. Tell her to shut her trap. Discussion over.

Aqua a dinosaur?

Sunshine yeah reflux and terrible gas

That can be really hard OP but completely explains the poor sleep. Poor baby is in pain, why does your DM think it would help to let her cry?! Likely to just make it worse!

Have you been given drugs for the reflux? Have you found elevating the head end of the cot helps at all? We bought a foam wedge that went under the mattress for DS which seemed to help a bit. A dummy helped here as well. I hope it improves for you soon.

Grandparents are awesome, and she's probably freaking out, cos these kind of things were recommended 30 odd years ago when she was doing this! I am a midwife and Hv and have noticed the sorts of things where the antenatal class of 2017 has changed - crying it out is a really common clashing point. We didn't have any research on brain activity using scans back then, we do now, and it's changed what we recommend parents do with their babies. Grantenatal classes are a real thing now :-)

Sunshine she thinks that her having a fuller tummy will help. Which it may well do but she's not ready for solids. I'm BFing so I can't change to comfort milk or anything like that.

Yes we have baby gaviscone. It is definitely improving and it's more the gas that's the problem now we do everything that's recommended so I guess it's just a waiting game now until her tummy matures.

My DM seems to think that my baby is at it a bit and that I will be able to see that when I let her cry it out and she's fine.

I'm not against the cry it out method btw, I do intend to use it. But only when I feel my baby is ready.

Beanjuice (I want to know the story behind your username!) yes there was a lot of "what do you mean you can't put baby to sleep on their side/can't bath them every night" etc going on in the beginning!

Ha ha - name is just one of those things you find yourself saying out loud that makes you wonder how did life come to this?! :-) there are a few things that can freak new grandparents out, sleeping positions, skin care (no real need for soaps/talc when tiny) responsive parenting over routines... That kind of stuff often causes confusion. You're not alone, but your mum is saying it because she loves you and wants the best for you.

Give her a baby boom to read? Shut down every discussion? My mum is great, but my grandma has a lot to say about weaning and potty training. I don't engage with it.

Have you tried saying something like. "mum, I know you mean well but it is so soul destroying listening to you constantly criticising my parenting. I am getting to the stage where you are causing me so much stress, it might be better if you stay away for a bit".

Things have really changed such a lot she really does have to back off. I can remember my own mum, refusing to sterilise bottles. She wanted to wash them up in the sink with the Sunday lunch dishes.

You're gonna have to put your foot down here and now. Evidence proves that solids are not required before nor healthy before 6 months old!

When DM is being particularly annoying and won't back off I say "Who is his parent, me or you?" Then state that as his parent it is my choice. Repeat as required

If you need a shock factor there was a 3 month old who aspirated her food when her DM tried to wean her before she was ready in my town (good old Grimsby)

My mum was there when the little girl was born, she was devastated

That's really sad queen :-( poor family. Maybe giving your mum a leaflet or printing off the NHS choices website info for her so she can see why you are doing it differently might help? The office of national statistics graph is useful - It shows that through the things we have learned in the last 30 years, our babies are safer than ever as the infant mortality rate has fallen from 9.4 per thousand in 1985 to 3.7 in 2015. It's not that our mothers did it wrong, but we have learned a few things in the last 30 years. Good for you for believing in yourself username, hope u can sort it out with your mum.

Can you not just say do you know what mum if i want your advice ill ask for it. Then pick something that you dont really care about to ask.