AIBU decision about childcare

[DoorsAndWater]

Hi,
I'm at a complete loss as what to do and could do with some opinions from more experienced mums! I'll try and be brief!
My DD is an August baby so will turn 3 this coming August.

I took an unpaid career break last year due to the death of my lovely mum for which I needed some time to grieve.
Up until then she was in a nursery 4 days a week (she went there from 9 months until she was about 18 months old).

She cried a bit settling in but developed a bond with her key worker who she still talks about now.
As I was off work for a year I moved her to a preschool when she was 2 for two mornings a week.
She has now been going there for a year, and still cries every morning I drop her off. It got better for a time but says she doesn't like it, hasn't made friends etc etc.
The provision does seem good e.g. Better facilities etc but there is not the 'warmth' there was at nursery... not bashing the pre school at all, it does seem like a good setting for other children.
I go back to work in September 3 days a week and she will be entitled to her 30 hours childcare.

I am having doubts about keeping her in pre school and just don't know whether to move her back?
My gut instinct says she might be happier at nursery and I've taken here there with me to see if she remembers it and she does and seemed ok but I was there with her the whole time.
I don't have to pay anything towards the nursery as the three days will be fully covered.
I would have to pay for a separate oosc for her if she continues at pre school which will be about £100 per month?
I genuinely don't know what to do!
Is she just being stubborn about pre school?? But then I don't want to move her again back to nursery if pre school might 'set her up' better for school as she will have literally just turned 4 before starting reception.
She is my second child, I didn't have this with my first and I genuinely get quite upset about it, because I lost my mum around the time she was born, it's been a very couple of years getting to this point... any advice or experiences would be very gratefully received!
Thanks for reading and sorry it's so long!

What about a childminder? Maybe find one who can pick up say after a morning session at preschool (and drop off- my mindees have always gone in better with me than mum) and spilt your funded hours.

Hi thanks for your reply, there are no spaces around here for childminders at all, there aren't many anyway but thank you

She may cry when you drop her off, but is she fine once you've gone?

My feeling is that a nursery is better set up for all day type childcare of the sort that you need, rather than part pre-school, part after school club (and maybe some sort of lunch time provision as well?). And they will cover the same curriculum as the pre-school will.

The only very slight advantage of the pre-school would be that she might get to know other children going to her school, if the pre-school had a natural feeder school. Though having had one child do pre-school and one not, this is really a very slight advantage!

I would be extremely surprised if she genuinely remembers her nursery.

Hi thanks for your reply, I have no idea if she is ok, they say she is but you are not allowed through the door, you have to leave them at the gate to drop off and pick up so I haven't seen her in that environment if you know what I mean. She is beside herself about going every time and she's been going a year now, it's getting me down!
I took her to the nursery today for a visit and she remembered her two key workers straightaway and two of the children she used to play with. I just don't want to mess her around again but I think the nursery is better in terms of the continuous day for her rather than having to go to oosc too

Could she do a trial day in the nursery before you decide?

I'd be leaning towards nursery. I have 4 kids and between them we've been through a large creche, a tiny creche, a childminder and two different pre-schools. What I have learned is what they do there doesn't matter, the setting/building doesn't matter, the gender, training, age of the carers doesn't matter.

All that matters is that the child is happy. Once they are happy they will learn and thrive and that is what will set them up for starting school.

Go with your gut instinct.

Don't worry too much if you don't send her to playgroup. DD1 is an August baby - for various reasons I kept her at her day care nursery instead of using the school nursery (plus school provided wrap around care). Although she started reception not knowing any other children She soon made friends and settled in.

On the flip side, I also have seen children who appear distraught coming in to nursery but settle a few minutes after their adult leaves. Don't feel too guilty if you send her to playgroup because she probably is fine.

Hi thanks for your reply, you've confirmed what my gut feeling is telling me, she's not happy where she is, and was already at the nursery before I moved her, she never reacted the way she does now

I would go with the arrangement that involves the most consistency during the day and she enjoys. Hands down I would go with nursery.

Why did you originally move her from nursery? Why couldn't you just keep sending her there but for just 2 mornings a week?

I would go with your gut instinct, she is still very young to be dropped off at the gate, if you feel more comfortable with the nursery setting , go for that. Not all settings, however good suit all children/parents. Both my dcs went to school from a nursery and were fine starting school.

Hello, I agree with majorfwp, you have to go with where you think she will be happiest. The nursery will cover the same early years curriculum as the pre-school, so it will not be a factor to worry about. Don't worry about getting to know other kids either. It may be helpful, but my DD didn't know any kids at school until she started school and it was not an issue.

I'd definitely go back to nursery. Without question.

I agree with other posters. I would send her to the nursery. I don't like the idea of the pre school not allowing you in anyway. I don't mean every day but if you wanted to visit and see how she is getting on you should be able to. Ours is so open to visitors

Thanks everyone, really appreciate your thoughts, I've made my mind up and hope she will be happier back at nursery, strawberry, I moved her to the pre school as I didn't need the wraparound care and believed, at the time, it would prepare her better for school which was a worry for me as she will only have just turned 4 when she starts

Another mum with 2 and experience of all of these childcare options - I'd say happy is most important, and vote nursery.