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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding accommodation

18 replies

Autumn0909 · 14/07/2017 06:38

I know many people post on here for confirmation that they ANBU but I am genuinely unsure.
Around 6 months ago I thrilled to be asked to be a bridesmaid for my friend. Various wedding plans are taking shape, including booking the venue and it's accommodation. A couple of months ago, the bride tells me not to worry about booking for the night before or after the wedding (it is a couple of hours away from the town we all live in) as DH and I have a room in the adjoining house to the venue, along with other members of the wedding party.
Fast forward to last night, where the bride tells me that she'll need £300 from DH and I three months before the wedding as she'll need to pay the final amounts.
Now, AIBU to think that as a guest in the wedding house, I shouldn't have to pay this extortionate amount, or that I should have been told about such a hefty cost at the time of asking?
If I'd have known this, I'd have booked it"n at the Travelodge a couple of miles away whether lots of our friends are staying. DH is NOT happy.
AIBU?

OP posts:

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 14/07/2017 06:45

YANBU! Say you had no idea it would be so expensive and that it's out of your price range and you'll book in elsewhere.

Friolero · 14/07/2017 06:50

YANBU - is there still room in the Travelodge? If so I'd book there and say to the bride £300 is too much. If I was told not to worry about accommodation and that I had a room in the wedding house I'd probably assume it was paid for!

KoalaDownUnder · 14/07/2017 06:52

That's outrageous. She can't make decisions like that on your behalf!

I'm with your DH. And if you can still get in at the Travelodge (or anywhere else cheaper), do that.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/07/2017 06:54

If I was told not to worry about accommodation and that I had a room in the wedding house I'd probably assume it was paid for!

This! Especially as you're in the bridal party. Rude.

Nobody would dream of doing this under any other circumstances, so why do some brides/grooms think it's okay??

MrsWembley · 14/07/2017 06:54

If she tells you where you're staying, then surely she should be paying?

You need to sort this out quickly, before it makes things awkward. Just say something along the lines of you're sorry, but that's not possible so you'll be staying elsewhere. Don't let her think your backing out of being bridesmaid, just that your finances are different to hers.

If you don't want to say it's too expensive, just suggest you're saving for something or other and can't spare it at the moment.

Original poster

Autumn0909 · 14/07/2017 12:46

Thank you for all of your advice. I'm glad it's not just me who thinks it's quite rude.

OP posts:

LurkingHusband · 14/07/2017 13:11

For a couple of quid, Travelodge bookings can be cancelled up to the actual day of arrival for no charge ...

I'd have booked anyway, and had the option to gracefully decline the premium accommodation ...

YANBU, btw

TheCraicDealer · 14/07/2017 13:18

I would check if the Travelodge has any availability and if they do book a room, then feign ignorance and tell the bride that your DP had taken it upon himself to book the accommodation a while ago. Then say, "oh well, at least you can have someone else have the room". Ok, lying isn't the best plan, but neither is committing people to accommodation that suits you before a) telling them they'd have to pay, and b) how much it is.

£300 is scandalous. Part of me does wonder if that's because the guests staying in that house are supplementing the B&G. That is the height of rudeness imo.

LeakyLittleBoat · 14/07/2017 13:27

Basically she's rented the house for her wedding party and I'm guessing the combined £300 for each room will cover the entire cost of the house so she won't have to pay anything for her own accommodation. Similarly extortionate room-blocks in hotels where the happy couple (well, why wouldn't they be when they're paying nothing?) gets the bridal suite thrown in. Bloody hate this trend of guest-funding wedding expenses where couples are egged on by venues and wedding industry coordinators to gouge their guests. It'll be ok, it's your special day and if they really love you they'll want to pay for it. Fuck that. Have the wedding you can afford.
YANBU OP. Book the travel lodge and tell the bride to fuck off you can't afford the £300. There'll probably be fallout since she'll either have to find the shortfall herself or increase the cost for the rest of the wedding party to stay there.

Jackiebrambles · 14/07/2017 13:31

I'm in two minds, I honestly wouldn't expect the bride and groom to pay my accommodation costs, regardless of me being a bridesmaid. The one time I was a bridesmaid I paid for my own hotel room.

However, because you are paying, then you absolutely should have a bloody choice where to stay!

So I'd just go back and say you hadn't realised how costly it would be and that you'll find somewhere else to stay (assuming there are rooms available at the travel lodge!)

Crunchymum · 14/07/2017 13:32

So £300 for 2 nights for 2 people.

Is the place you are meant to stay nice? What is your room like?

How much less would the Travel Lodge be?

Jackiebrambles · 14/07/2017 13:34

And how much will taxis be to and from the Travel lodge to the venue?

user1493413286 · 14/07/2017 13:47

She should have told you how much it was and given you the option to decide as that's a lot of money to be expected to pay. As part of the wedding package they were probably expected to book all of the rooms so it's a difficult one now.
I would have assumed I'd have to pay but it sounds like she worded it as if you wouldn't. Could you say to her now that it's a lot of money and is there anyone else who wanted to stay there instead as often there will be wider family who would.

BackforGood · 14/07/2017 14:04

YANBU at all. Wedding or no you can't book something for another person without mention of cost, and then bill them afterwards. Whatever the occasion, if someone is going to incur costs, you discuss that with them first.
Like others, I wouldn't expect the bride to pay for my accommodation, but, like you I'd have booked the Travel lodge / local B&B etc, and not a £300 room.

LeakyLittleBoat · 14/07/2017 14:24

Crunchy it really doesn't matter does it? It might seem reasonable to you to spend that much on a weekend away but to others it's more than they want to spend or can afford and that's still not the point, you don't get to decide how other people spend their money. You tell people in advance what it will cost so, if they prefer, they can explore cheaper options. This bride should have been up front with the cost from the start. This is what I've booked and this is what it will cost per person/couple if you're interested.

coddiwomple · 14/07/2017 14:31

I'm guessing the combined £300 for each room will cover the entire cost of the house so she won't have to pay anything for her own accommodation
that'a massive leap, you don't know that at all, she might not want to pay the accommodation for everybody which is reasonable but still pay for her own.

However, YANBU OP. If people expect you to pay anything they should make it clear from the start and let you decline if it's too expensive. I can't bear "surprise" costs popping out of nowhere.

SilverBirchTree · 14/07/2017 14:31

YANBU - she should have asked if you wanted to stay there & told you the cost up front. That is really thoughtless of her.

OP can you still book the travel lodge? I'd check that before I told the bride anything.

If you are stuck staying at the bridal house, I would consider that cost your present and just give them a card...

Notsosureanymoors · 14/07/2017 14:41

Thats £150 per night which is not that ridiculous so i think its a bit mean to say they must be charging a lot to supplement the B&G, i expect it is just an expensive place so just costs £150 per night, maybe I'm being kind to assume they are only charging you what the venue would charge and no extra. I would word it as above, dont lie just say unfortunately thats more than i expected i am looking forward to being bridesmaid but not to worry about us staying on site we'll sort our own accommodation and transport to our budget thank you. But before you do add up travelodge + taxis to and from venue as it may not be much less.

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