TO be ashamed of my recent spending habits?

[SleepyHeadThisTime]

I'm ready to be flamed for my actions here and think I need a bit of a kick up the arse. I'm on maternity leave (statutory pay only) and have a card for my own spends which my salary goes into, and a joint account that both me and dh pay into.

I usually handle the joint account to pay nursery fees, but weekly shop etc. Dh bought some house insurance yesterday and checked the account balance just to make sure we had enough - he had to transfer £300 to cover it as I'd unwittingly cleaned us out (bought expensive clothes for the kids, treats from the supermarket etc).

On top of that I opened a bank statement for my personal account yesterday and I'm £850 into my overdraft I've been spending on nothing - eBay, amazon, other online shops. Even I feel I don't spend anything from now until my SMP run and out I won't fill the hole.

Wtf do I do? I've just listed 20 odd items on eBay to sell but I'm in over my head.

Oh god op, are you me. I have done the same, especially when I am depressed and need a bit of 'retail therapy'. Add to the fact that I have always liked shopping, ever since I was a teen. Shopping seems to be so much more accessible than ever before. Its easy to spend online with a few clicks of the button. I have had to go into my ISA to top my account up, I even ended up spending several thousands of my bond money my mum gave to me . I need a good kick up the back. I am not in debt, but have nothing every month due to my rubbish money management.

Good thing I have (money sensible) dh who pays the bills and manages the main money,. or we would really be in trouble. I have a parchant for preloved high end designer handbags, which have been my downfall. Never again!

Hope I don't sound like I'm giving a lecture but what helps me is remembering that treats are just that - treats. And treats shouldn't be daily (the expensive kind anyhow!)
So do give yourself a treat eg a long bubble bath while dh is on duty if that helps.
I had similar when I realised I'd spent $500 on nothing, I won't end up in debt etc and I've no husband to take into consideration(I am married but we're separated right now).
Personally I reminded myself that treats are supposed to be treats not a routine, and I gave myself a set budget for one day per week, withdrew it in cash and once it was gone it's gone. So I'll buy myself something nice and go out for a nice dinner/coffee with DD. (aka hungry jacks while dd munches on some carrot sticks and tries to nick my chips ).
do come clean to Dh and try to send stuff back/sell it where possible if you don't really need it.
Look after yourself Op

It really started when I had dd 10 who was a very difficult baby, and was dx with Autism and Learning difficulties. When things get tough, I reach for the computer. Like someone said, you need a treat, but make a cuppa and have a slice of cake. Have a nice shower, or watch your fav TV programmes. Add to that ds 5 who is really active and winds dd up, and that's enough to make me head to the computer to buy something. Its been very cathartic typing on here, and being open. You are not alone op.

If you are going to start part time work next year then can you start looking now? Even if it's something like taking ironing in/doing online transcriptions (or whatever your skills are) just to eat away at the £850?

How about signing up for some of those online site that pay you for doing surveys, product reviews/secret shopper etc? It's definitely not mega bucks but it can chip away at the money owed if you've got no other means of income and (same as the ironing) it's a distraction so you're doing something else other than having time to shop!

another one who has done similar on mat leave... currently 600 quid on the cards plus a couple of grand savings although I took the kids on holiday with some of that. I'm back on full pay next month so not too worried. middle of the night feeding is to blame for much of it

I've been spending a lot recently too OP mainly on rubbish as a distraction to other problems.

Your post promted me to do the sums and I've £128.16 after food and bills for the rest of this month but that has to cover DS's birthday presents and any days out with holidays starting. Feel an idiot!! DP can and will help but I've always paid for some things and him for others and its always worked out about even on income percentages.

Last night I went through everything in freezer and cupboards and have managed to plan enough meals to get us through to August 3rd though there may be a few strange concoctions. It's amazing how much we seem to have! Thankfully I have habit of freezing any leftovers that look like they might make a meal if I throw in a tin of tomatoes and some lentils!! Hopefully that means I can cut the food shopping bill just down to perishables and a birthday cake for DS of course. Thankfully not planned a party until September.

I'm doing one poll surveys and you gov - long haul to make any money but might bring in about £100 towards Christmas which will be helpful.

Other than that a lot of trips to parks, the city farm and days in the garden look likely over the next fortnight at least. I can see I'll be making plenty of picnics

Would changing energy provider help to save you money?

Own up straight away to him. I know a lot of people that have got into debt, hidden it from partners and it quickly snowballs into crazy money (£1k debt turned into 57k in a year for one person where they were hiding it with more credit cards etc) another ended up owing double in a year.

Short term I would ask him to take your card, use cash only (once it is gone it is gone and much easier to see what you are doing) and take automatic payments off of all sites - harder to impulse buy then as you'll have to go get your card back. You have made it clear that it is a lot of money to you guys so sell of your own personal stuff that you don't really need so it isn't just down to your husband to clear if you're not returning to work. He is probably going to be a bit annoyed but nowhere as bad as if you try and keep this secret. Maybe get some cleaning work for when your partner is home or someone can babysit? Are there any family members that are in a position to clear it for you and you pay them back so you aren't paying off interest? I did this for my sister and it saved her loads of interest and bank charges x

Many of us have been there OP. Please don't get too upset. It's easy to do. As others have said even just coffees and small spends soon start to add up. I need to start tightening my own belt as well and I find when the weather is miserable it doesn't help as I find I end up going for coffee or end up in the shopping centre.

It catches the best of us out, I did the same, SMP then an extra year off started running up debts (i occupied myself with ebay etc, pennies here and there soon add up!) we ended up using a debt management charity to get out of it (paid every last penny) and most of the time now are much more careful - DH does tell me if i start to overspend a bit (we have set a monthly 'allowance' for frivolous bits n bobs) and there is money there in savings should we need a bit extra during the month.

Definitely tell him though, I didn't at the start and things spiralled out of control, took a few years and a damaged credit rating to pull it back to a debt free life!