PIL and Childcare

[MGFM]

By and large I get on well with my ILs. I have them over frequently when DH is here or when he isn't. I go and see them etc.

They only live 10 mins away. 20 mins with the way they drive.

I am going back to work in October fu time. 8-4. Both children (DS 2 and DD 10 months) will be going to nursery full time. Nursery hours are 0730 - 1800.

Before dd, DS was at nursery full time. My iLs asked to have DS one day a week. This did not save me any money as I knew there would be the odd time they couldn't so I would need nursery and I knew they couldn't committ due to they fact that they go on holiday for 4-5 months of the year. I had no problem with this and would drop him at 0730 on my way to work. It worked out we for me really as that meant they didn't want to come over everybweeeknd to see DS ( they love him dearly and he loves them - they have a cracking relationship which I am pleased with )

Now the issue of contact came up a few weeks ago. I made it clear that they would have to be fair and have Dd as well. Not necessarily on the same day but equal time as with DS. I have had some concerns about favouritism with DS over dd but I won't really be able to see if that materialises until she is older.

They ideally want one day a week with each. But that means me doing two drop offs two mornings. I would need to drop at their house at 7am! And how do I explain to DS that he isn't going to nana and grandads ? Just his sister. He gets very excited when we pull into their driveway.

I doubt very much they will want to come and pick up at my house at 0715. My husband is away for the next 6 months and them seeing he kids midweek relieves me of any pressure to see them at yhr weekend which will be precious time for me to spend with them.

I don't know what to do. Would I be unreasonable to say that they need to do the pickup? They sigguested I drop both a nursery and then at 930 ish they would go and pick up from there. I think that might be quite disruptive. What to do?

I think you're making this difficult when it doesn't have to be. Of course they're going to enjoy the company of a 2-year-old more than a baby who can't talk but needs a lot more care. I wouldn't insist on 50/50 until your daughter is also old enough to have fun with nan and grandad.

dailymail - my 2 year old hasn't properly grasped speaking yet though!

I don't want to paint my father in law in a bad light but he is one of the most sexist men I have ever met - massive drip feed I know. He loves my son. Called him the 'golden boy' . And doesn't have much time for considering my point of view on stuff . But he is fundamentally a good person just very very old fashioned. He only has sons himself. (If he had a daughter j am sure she would be nc with him)

I really don't want my dd to be prioritised under my DS. I think it is important that he spends time with both of them.

And they don't want both of them on the same day. They would drop home to me at around 1730.

I don't know why you are running about trying to accommodate them, personally. Especially as it does not make your life easier or the children's lives easier. In your shoes I would do as a PP suggested and say have each child half of one day with them doing pick ups and drop offs eg DD up to lunchtime and DS from lunch to whenever the day ends or vice versa. It doesn't matter that DD can't talk - if they are to do this long term then it's important she gets used to being in their care. If they don't want to do the actual picking up and dropping off, then just say sorry but that doesn't work for us. And I do think being dropped at nursery and picked up a couple of hours later would be difficult, especially for your younger child who isn't yet used to the nursery routine. Also, if you really think they favour your DS a lot over your DD then I personally would not really want to put my children in that situation. Even at a young age it will be stressful for both of them.

I'd just get them to pick up from nursery. Nursery won't care as long as you're paying and they will probably be in separate rooms so won't see each other.

Or I'm sure if you explained the situation to the nursery they could help out. Grandparents wait outside and they bring DD out so DS doesn't see. I once had to drop something off for DS and didn't want him to see me as he'd go crazy if I left again. Nursery were very accommodating and sent someone to meet me in the car park.

What about if they had ds overnight - drop him off at bedtime so you would only have one day when you do two drop offs. If they are having them a day each.