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AIBU?

Siblings partners birthdays

10 replies

pleasingone · 13/07/2017 16:34

I am really good at remembering my siblings partners & children's birthdays. One sibling remembers my children's b'days, other one is hit & miss.
Both of them forget my DH bday, in fact one of them has never ever sent a card & the other one may remember a few weeks later and he gets a belated card. We're all adults however this really upsets and bugs me that quite frankly they aren't bothered.
So, I would find it hard to not give their children cards / gifts on time.

Would it be churlish of me to stop acknowledging their partners birthdays as they do to my DH? Two wrongs don't make a right and all that?

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 13/07/2017 16:36

Just send dc cards etc. Fb acknowledgement for the adults or a text!!
Save yourself the stress and the cash!!

sirfredfredgeorge · 13/07/2017 16:37

You give a shit about birthdays.
No-one else appears to.

You can do whatever you want, you're the only person who gives a shit.

grandOlejukeofYork · 13/07/2017 16:39

If you want to give people cards for their birthdays, you should. You should not do it on the contigency that they do it back for you though, because that completely misses the point.

user1499333856 · 13/07/2017 16:39

You should only send cards / presents if you want to. I think marking these things / getting children to write thank you letters teaches them to be thoughtful, appreciative people.

By the same token, we never send to get a present back. We just send if we want to. I am really not bothered if my friends get me a present. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. I always love the cards though.

Send cards / presents if you want to. If it doesn't seem to be appreciated then you should stop. Either way, its no big deal. I always remember children's birthdays. Adult birthdays are more flexible.

moggle · 13/07/2017 16:41

I never remember my SILs birthdays. My DH does his brothers', I do mine, one SIL does not like her birthday being noticed so that's easy, other SIL gets a FB message. I get a birthday card from DB and SIL and FB messages from my BILs and other SIL. Basically it sounds like they aren't fussed so I wouldn't bother if it's bothering you.

drinkingtea · 13/07/2017 16:43

This is a thing people have very different views on, but it would never occurred to me to expect siblings partners to remember my birthday, or that they were expecting a card from me. I'm pretty sure my siblings don't even know when my husband of 14 years' birthday is, nor his age tbh and I'm similarly uninterested in having those details about their partners, and that's fine with everyone involved.

Children are different and we always send them a card and token or less token present.

Aspiezilla · 13/07/2017 16:49

If you want to give people cards for their birthdays, you should. You should not do it on the contigency that they do it back for you though, because that completely misses the point.

This. I don't want a card from you if you are only sending it out of a sense of duty. I don't care if you send a card or not but I wouldn't want one sent solely out of an obligation you have placed on yourself.

pleasingone · 13/07/2017 17:02

Thanks for your views.
I am not giving to receive, I don't care about a physical card.

I obviously value birthdays far more than they do. I give them cards to acknowledge their special day, and I would like it if they valued birthdays as much as me, clearly they don't hence why they don't bother.

OP posts:
Okapoka · 13/07/2017 17:09

I always send my brother's wife a card to arrive on her birthday but he/they have never sent my husband a card on his birthday. My brother always remembers DC's birthday and sends a generous gift. They don't have children.

I used to send my husband's sister and her husband a card on their birthdays but never received one back. I now don't bother (and neither does DH) - he just sends his sister a birthday text and we don't bother at all with BIL (not a brilliant relationship with either of them). SIL remembers my DC birthday but won't post a card/gift - it has to be sent up with PIL so often it will be late and sometimes a bit mean (e.g. obviously second hand book - they are VERY rich). We always ensure their children have a nice gift on their birthday (even if there is no acknowledgement or thanks!).

TathitiPete · 13/07/2017 20:24

I don't know when my brothers' partners' birthdays are. My brothers don't know when my husband's is either.

But one of my brothers has seven children and they always get a card with some money in it. That is not reciprocated for my two DC. Same with Christmas presents. This a bit annoying alright.

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