Adult kids being at home is doing my head in

[OverTheHammer]

My sons are 16 and 18. Ok so I know 16 is not an adult but he has just left school so is around the house constantly. Neither he nor my 18 year old are putting much (if any) effort into getting a job/apprentiships meaning they're both sat around the house constantly. Everytime I come home from work the house is a shit hole. Pots and pans all over the kitchen, shit all up the bog and piss all over the bathroom floor - I've lost count of the times I've spoken to them about mucky bathroom habits and nothing ever changes. Apart from this I'm sick and tired of never getting time on my own. I've come home from work today for my lunch, tried to fit a bit of DIY in only to have DS1 constantly coming in to question what I'm doing, when am I going back to work, am I going to gym tonight etc etc - DS2 is still snoring his head off after been up on Xbox all night. I go to malevolent some lunch, stick something simple under the grill and at this point DS2 decides that he just has to make HIS lunch now too - que pots and pans everywhere, sausages, bacon, eggs all over the side - tiny kitchen so not enough room for two people to be cooking separate meals at the same time ... why couldn't he have just waited??

I know I'm probably sounding really mean but I'm getting so tired of it. The disgusting bathrooms, the shit tip bedrooms, the bomb site kitchen, the never getting the house to myself ... yesterday when I came home for lunch DS1 had his girlfriend here too.

I'm trying desperately to make the house look nice but I just can't with the boys here 24/7. It's a big house yet feels so crowded and suffocating. Not feeling great today, I'll prepare for a flaming.

I'm in the same boat..with an extra one..I've 3 ,it's hard ,but you've done the hardest bits now .its the home run to them leaving home,and then you'll miss them..soon girlfriends and that may well make them pull their socks up...

I'd be feeling malevolent about my lunch too

You're not being mean, they are being lazy teenagers! If they are home and not working, and not looking for jobs, they should be cleaning, cooking for you and washing their own clothes.

Tell your son that you are home for lunch for a short time, so you are using the kitchen and he has to wait.

How firm are you with them? Will they listen if you discuss this with them? What can you do to get through to them? Block the wifi until things are done?

I'm not as firm with them as I should be but I'm just so tired. DH works full time, I work 30 hours and then come home to arguments, a shit hole house and no down time. We have a dog too, the type of dog that's expensive and often stolen for breeding/selling and this past week he's escaped 3 times as the kids just leave the gate wide open when they go out. The other day I came home to the living room upside down and febreeze all over the floor as they'd let the dog loose and then just buggered off to their rooms leaving him with the full run of the house. He's only young so went on the rampage. More shit to deal with when I get home.

That would irritate the life out of me OP, YANBU. I'd 100% change the wifi password daily/weekly, and the password will not be given until you've seen proof of the expected housework done (time stamps photos if at work). Also wifi switched off at night.
They sound beyond lazy, and take advantage of you. Don't let this carry on .

That would drive me insane OP. The 18 year old needs to get his act together, get a job, get organised. Why is he hanging around the house all day?!

Lay out some ground rules. Remove their privileges. Stop doing their washing etc. They'll change their tune pretty quickly.

I know you're tired, but stop using that as an excuse to discipline them. They need a HUGE ass kick and a firm set of rules. Don't give them an inch. They are far old enough to care for themselves and the home. Letting them get away with this bullshit is doing them no favors.

OverTheHammer I echo your sentiments! My eldest, when home on leave, is so idle - he wont do anything all day then expect me to cook his meals after I've been at work all day. I just dont do it now.

When all 3 are home from work/uni/college I leave jobs lists in the kitchen. Generally, I find they dont see what needs doing unless its pointed out to them and writing it down somehow makes it easier for them to do. Eldest still prefers to do everything in his own time ie 24 hours after being asked so I end up screaming at him!

At 16 and 18 they are both old enough to do the housework, washing up, gardening, lawn mowing and decorating (tip - make sure you give explicit instructions regarding the use of dust sheets )

Good luck

The kids needs training.
I would threaten to lock them out of the house when I leave and cannot return until I do after work or whatever I'm doign, unless they get their shit together . Seriously the hate being very disrespectful.

hit all up the bog and piss all over the bathroom floor

Your children are disgusting slobs. They are going to be those husbands people complain about on MN who piss on the floor and don't wipe up their shit. I never really understood how men get to adult hood in that state but here you go.

You don't get to this position of total disrespect in a heart beat, and you can't fix it in a wink either. This is going to take hard work by you and DH to tackle.

Suggest you sit down, discuss responsibilities for living in a happy home and roles within that.

I would have cleaning piss and shit off the floor/toilet as an absolute red line.

I would also have not being in gainful full time employment or study (or actively looking for that) as another red line.

Ultimately you are letting tow grown men walk over you - and you don';t HAVE to have them living with you.

Lazy so and sos.
If it was me - everything would be off - no wifi , no money, no cooking, no laundry and no more favours.
they need a good kick up the arse and you need to give that to them.

I would boot them out of the house in the mornings and lock the doors. No wifi, mobiles (as you pay the bills), food or washing done until they help out

OMG OP - This is my life too at moment, and my two are 23 and 21!!
To be fair, one works (although has different days off to me as she works weekends), and the other is on summer break from his final year at Uni. I start work at 6am, get home bout 2pm to find my sink (if I can actually find it!) under a mountain of pots and pans. Weird isn't it, because for me at their age a crisp sandwich would suffice at lunchtime, but mine seem to need to use every pan in the house too.
So no, YANBU - I feel your pain!
P.S. We also have an elderly dog too, who adds to the mayhem by sporadically vomiting our the door mat, although DS, god bless him, does it clean up if necessary to open the door to leave property :)

1. toilet state is NOT acceptable. Since when do teenages piss on the floor?
2. They cook it they clean it, within 1 hour of eating it
3. They cook dinner one night per week each, give them budget, they buy it, cook it clear it up.
4. They walk the dog before lunch every day.
5. housework must be done, make a llist of what should be done each week, they can initial it when they have done it, one item every day.
6. If you come home and none of the above are done, then x box and wifi are off for 24 hours.

Sit them down, write it down, and tell them you are at the end of your tether. This is not student digs it is a home, it takes time and effort to look after it. They are not on holiday, this is what real life is like.

Conversation should go like this..

"Hey guys, I know you have both been working hard at school/college and your probably glad it's all over. It's nice to have a break. But seeing as your both home a lot at the moment I was hoping you could help me and dad out a bit with house work.
Harry could you be in charge of the kitchen please. Dishes need washing and side wiping down and give the floor a quick brush. James could you do the bathroom. Wipe down all surfaces and clean toilet. Give the floor a quick wipe. These jobs shouldn't take more than half an hour. It would make life at home a lot easier for me and dad and we all know that's better for everyone! The dog needs a bit of maintenance too. Just be mindful that he can't be left alone to roam the house. So make sure he is safe. Have you heard that he's a breed that people seem to want to steal!? It's madness hey! Thanks so much guys. Love you lots. Let me and dad know if you want a hand with finding jobs. Were happy to help out with application forms and practice interviews. Right I am off for a bath. See you both in a bit"

Should also mention though that neither of them piss on the floor, or leave the loo in a mess.
Why are your DS's not actively looking for employment or apprenticeships? Have they both left full time education? You and your DH cannot be expected to support them indefinitely.
Op, It's not you who needs the roasting......

You'll be a lot less tired when you get them sorting out the house properly for you.

Do you get any back up from DH? And do you own the house or rent?

I would tell them you are down sizing. Also the dog, whose idea was the dog? If one of the boys then he needs to pay the insurance, food etc.

YY to changing wifi pass code and not doing anything for them.

Unplug the WiFi router, collect all remote controls, gaming handsets etc. Put them all in a bag and they go with you (in a car hopefully). They get nothing until they start to pull their weight! No money, no food, no clean clothes no nothing! You give them a list of chores for each day. Clean loo, make beds, keep room tidy, apply for jobs!

If the house is a shit tip when you get home they get nothing back 😁. They will either go to friends (and make a mess there) of start to do stuff!

My mum used to get my brother up before she went to work and he was ejected from the house until she came home from work. He didn't have a key. I think he was 18 at the time and not going to college or work. She got sick of him lazing around while she was out at work all day. He ended up going to Uni and sorting himself out.