Would you let this happen?

[andshewillbeloved]

Ex pils and I don't get along and haven't since 2 year old dd was born. They're alcoholics and heavy smokers and me and her dad (who lives abroad) agreed that we don't want dd visiting their home.

Ex sil has now asked if she can take dd to see her grandparents for a couple of hours and I'm undecided. They usually only see dd in a neutral place when her dad is back in the country.

Wwyd?

Dd/real name fail!

Say no. Explain why. If you trust ex sil to honour your wishes say she is welcome to take her to the park etc with pil but not to their home

If you don't trust her just say no

Depends on your relationship with you ex SIL I think. If you get along and trust her to use her instincts properly regarding your ex PIL's then maybe. If you don't have much contact with her say you'd rather wait until next time ex is over?

No.
Once you've let it happen once you lose all powder to stop in in the future.
You and your ex have both agreed they she should not go to their house, don't change your mind now.
Can they meet sil in a park?

powder/power

I would rather wait until her dad is back in a few weeks and at the minute dd gets very upset when she's not with me so not sure she would be happy to go with them anyway. I feel awkward though

What's the relationship like with your SIL? Could you meet for a coffee and let her see the baby?

It's hard to say no to people but your number one responsibility is to your daughter. Her safety is your priority, not your ex in-laws' feelings. And seeing as your exH agrees with you , you are completely right.
So just say "no, that doesn't work for us. exH will be in touch when he's home in August"

Better to feel awkward than to make it more awkward in future to not allow her there.

You can report your post to get the name removed - I've also reported for you.

If even their own son doesn't want DD in their house, then I think it's a no-brainer. You have to establish this as an immutable rule now, otherwise they will royally take the piss whenever your ex is out of the country!

No. Be very careful with the boundaries around your child, once they are breached they are harder to rebuild.

The fact that their own son does not want you dd at their house also means you are going against his wishes. He must have strong reasons for his stance.
I would tell SIL to wait to arrange contact between PIL and DD once her brother is home.

No I wouldn't, if her Dad doesn't want her seeing his parents I wouldn't go against his wishes

me and her dad (who lives abroad) agreed that we don't want dd visiting their home.

Ex sil has now asked if she can take dd to see her grandparents for a couple of hours and I'm undecided

Why are you undecided? You and DD's dad agreed that you don't want DD visiting her alcoholic, heavy smoking grandparents with whom you don't get alone.

Why would you now let a 3rd party take your 2 year old there without you?

It makes no sense. At all.

No, of course you don't let it happen. You wait until DD's dad is back to take her to meet them in a neutral place as usual.

You'd be going against your own wishes and those of her other parent to let SIL do this - and letting her take DD without you or DD's dad there is worse than being there with DD.

If SIL is lovely and you want to maintain that relationship then take DD to SIL's house (and stay there while DD is there, don't drop her off) or invite her to yours or go to a neutral public place together.

Hell to the NO! How would you feel if something terrible happened on their watch? How about inviting SIL to hang with you and kiddo at your place?

No

Not a chance