Are school being unreasonable

[Damonlufc88]

My son is actually leaving his mainstream school for special school, ASD suspected, we have known from September that he doesn't belong where he is now I want to make that clear and the school have been very good in helping us and supporting us in the meetings and paperwork to help with this switch, which has been a long progress. Son is in reception class and does only afternoons. He is push and needs his own space plus he doesn't talk or interact, aside from pushing. He usually does 1.5 hours 1:1 in a separate room then in with his classmates and playground for the rest of the day.

Anyway school rang me yesterday morning to say it was transition day, class moving to new room and new children going onto school... I'm pretty sure they tried to put words into my mouth more, I don't think son would cope and his usual room is now full of boxes etc for storage, which I understand. But they rang me on the day asking if their was a way that son could maybe have other arrangements to stay off school today (same day as phonecall) they know I work full time days and noon shifts and wife works 20 hours on average.

It just upset me when my son doesn't really understand the world at all then when I took my toddler to preschool (usually drop off at same time) my son in question got his bag and looked at me as if to say 'why aren't you taking me today'

I mean my son does show autistic tenancies and parhaps wouldn't settle if was put Into a different classroom for his 1:1 but he is also routine based and does enjoy going to school. I think school were worried he pushes at the new students and scares them, I'm not stupid I understand that. I just got pretty annoyed they rang me on the morning not asked to speak to me in person. The school does have a very good reputation and name in my town. I'm just a bit disheartened

That's awful. Please complain. That's really not good enough. I taught a child with ASD this year and as I know change is challenging I didn't take the classroom displays down until after the last day. Yes it meant I left school at the usual 6 instead of 1 like many other staff, but it is my job to ease the transition while they are in school. I am actually appalled they had the cheek to ask you! Please escalate your complaint if necessary too.

My family are very annoyed I just don't know what to do or where to even begin. The only thing holding me back is my other son who goes to the preschool that links up with their school, thus that's where he will be going as the school is right on our doorstep. And the special school is the other side of town, +*the schools In that area where I could move him are apparently 'not as good' but I really don't know what to do.

I didn't want to read and run. I can understand situation from born points of view.
The school was worried that the change would cause your son further issues and you knowing the routine changing would cause issues.
In an ideal world how would you have liked the school to handle the situation?

Sorry but this school has be totally failing you and has been acting illegally. Your son should have been in full time school, not just "afternoons" and this latest is an unofficial exclusion.
It is great that you have got him a special school place - but if you had had any difficulty with getting this for him - then a well established paper trail, including a series of accommodations that the school had made (and requests for extra support etc) would have helped.
It was the schools responsibility to provide adequate staffing, to ensure your DS couldn't push other children. How much have they investigated why he pushes? What the triggers are? What actual learning have they been providing?

I would be inclined to write a letter outlining their massive failures, and copy it to the SN Governor and the LA when you leave.

I am very sad that they have failed you so much.

ROSSIGIGI I would have atleast liked to have sat with them a few days prior and not a phone call 3.5 hours before he was due to go in atleast.

MUMMYTIMES the afternoon were originally mornings... When he started reception class they had a 1 week period half days because of all the kids adjusting. They asking if we were OK to allow that to go on a little longer because he hasn't settled just yet, which we could see and understand... November we asked if they thought he was ready to try on atleast 1 day which they said he isn't adapting at all and we then asked (me and wife had already spoke about special school) and they thought it was best for him... January our toddler gets afternoon sessions at preschool so we ask to change other sons time to afternoon. He wasn't even stopping for dinner before, now he gest a lunch bag from them since he started afternoons.
Because he isn't 5 until July 20 I don't think they have to oblige to have him plus he isn't fully toilet trained. He does talk or even show signs at all that he needs to go and eh will only use my toilet at home, no others and only to urinate when we take him at intervals .

He can play along side children but he does push sometimes, not malicious at all ive seen this for myself its just a communication breakdown.

They should have given you more notice, and really should have asked and not told. It is their responsibility to accommodate him, and it doesn't sound like they are trying very hard.

They are bu. Why could his 1:1 not have had him for the full time, where was that resource being used? Tbh the pt hours situation could well be an illegal exclusion too.

Yep they are being unreasonable.
The least they could have done is to tell you well in advance (and therebis no way that they didn't know about that particular day) somthatnsomething couod have been implemented.

In effect, they didn't get organised, know that the afternoon will be a challenge so have dumped the issue into you instead.

As your ds is going to be in a different school next year, then I wis do probably chose not to make a huge fuss. But I think I would tell them that more notice would have been appreciated.

So, in order to deal with your child not coping with sudden changes, they have imposed a sudden change? That's bang out of order.

I'm really not trying to say I don't see their POV at all because I do understand that but I just feel they are trying to make a good Impression especially the younger kids coming through to next years reception class. A little more notice and I wouldn't have been as annoyed as I am now. Its been the longest time since September with the hours he has/hasn't done. I think maybe all my annoyances are coming out now because legally I don't know where I sit regarding what hours he should do (he is still 4. 5 next week) and I definitely feel stupid and naive for not pushing them to having longer days, maybe I was embarrassed about him not been toilet trained (God I've cried and stressed and done my best to try he just simply has no to little understanding of the world at all)

I had the same situation when my ds who also has asd attended his primary mainstream school, quite often I would be asked in a round about way if his ta was off sick or they were short staffed to keep him at home without actually using those words.

It got quite frustrating for him and me, and I don't know if they were actually allowed to ask that which I suspect not, but my ds at the time hated going to school and it was a battle every morning to get him there.

Eventually he got a placement at a wonderful special school and he has been extremely happy there and he is now 17, I think special schools just get how difficult it is for children with asd and coping with change, plus I think they also have more resources available to them.

I know this is of know real help, but I bet once you ds attends his new school you will never be asked to keep him home, I know I never was.

Hope all goes well in his new school.

Sorry but him not being 5 yet is not an excuse! He has a legal right to an education. There are plenty of non toilet trained children in schools (it's not easy but it has to be coped with).
This school has massively failed your son.

The SN Chat area here is full of experienced and helpful parents who can help you with your concerns, and to understand your legal rights. For instance have you claimed DLA for your son? That could help your family massively.
If ASD is even suspected then the NAS (National Autistic Society) helplines can be very helpful, as can local groups in your area. You are not alone, although sometimes it can be hard to find the support you need.

Are Ofsted in by any chance?

Where I am it's fairly normal to have the day off on move up day if the child isn't going to be there in September, because that's when they set seats and have new children in so extra children are in the way and not gaining anything, but you should have been told that ages ago to give you time to arrange childcare, not on the day.

If it was really about him not coping, they wouldn't have done it at this notice.

On transition day everyone shifts classes so he wouldn't see new YRs anyway. He could have had his 1 to 1 time in the playground or with the boxes - I would guess they just wanted his 1 to 1 person to be an extra pair of hands with the other littlies. It's not nice and it's not fair. It's also not on that he's only done half days all year unless this was your genuine choice.

I hope September brings the support you all need and a much better experience for your DS.

Really unprofessional and unacceptable on the part of the school. If they really did feel it would be in your Son's best interests to take the day off then they should have planned this with you in advance. Sounds to me like a last minute panic. Terrible. Wishing you and your Son all the best at his new school.

I don't know how to quote you guys each on this forum to give you individual thanks. I think I I've tried to see it from both points of view but my son is my only priority really. & yeah my son gets DLA award but that's his money not mine or his mums.

As EGGSANDWICH said I definitely feel that I was in the same situation as you whereas they don't say he can't go in but why else would they ring to ask me, so I kind of felt force fed the words really. So I just reluctantly said "okay whatever" I'm due to take him in this afternoon before I go to work and I really have lost all heart and momentum for it now.

Also MUCKYPUP73 I'm pretty sure they weren't but I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate to use this aswell to keep up with their high rating that have. I just feel like every day since October really that he has been a burden on them, I cannot fault them for helping and supporting us to get him a place at special school and they have attended meetings and helped us on paperwork etc. I just feel like I did when he went nursery and I'm dropping him off there for a few hours. Its going to be a massive change for me and my family come September. I know he is going to a better place that suits him, which Is my only priority. Im just annoyed at the notice I was given. I could have understood given a week or 2 because how he has only don't 2.5 hours a day since the beginning of September I'm used to it now. I just feel he's missed out but don't know if I'm right or not or where I stand

I'm glad he gets DLA - because having a disabled child can cost the parents so much, and struggling to pay for the extras he needs is so hard for families.

Hopefully the special school is the right place for him and everything will be so much better.
I know schools are under pressure, but as parents our role is not to "see their side" but to fight for our children. If we pressurise schools they will then have to fulfill their legal responsibilities and can pass on the pressure to LAs and the government, and ultimately that is the only way that things will change.
I also cynically think they obviously helped you get him out of their school - as that makes their life easier. (And individual teachers obviously don't have much experience.)
At my DCs less than perfect mainstream state primary, they had a number of children with at times quite complex needs (that means for example reliant on wheelchairs/walking frames and visual disabilities, and large scale issues with body control). Something as simple as a lack of toilet training or a bit of "pushing" in a 4/5 year old would not have been an issue at all. And most children with such needs stayed until 11, a few went to more appropriate provision before then but not most. Your son certainly sounds as if he should and could have been accommodated and has been pushed out.
Of course a good special school may be better for him, but it shouldn't have been the only choice.

It is hard, but we do have to stick up for our own children.

MUMMYTIME I agree and I should have stood up for him a little bit more. We did ask in the early days if they thought he was ready but when they said not really and the talk of special school came out, which me and my wife had discussed before mentioning anything to school, they seemed to just focus on that. Also yes I feel it's definitely in Their interests to get him off their books because it brings the standard of that class higher.

I do feel that they could have atleast tried him on a full day to see how he went on, Infact he actually did longer hours when he was at preschool. 9-1 with whom the staff loved and adored him, looking back I think they realised he needed more 1:1 help but me and my wife were not too concerned as he was one of the youngest in the class.

Don't beat yourself up about it - just be prepared to be "that" parent in future. And do ask for advice here and elsewhere - it's a bit of a minefield and new stages can lead to new needs or new questions.