In laws

[Takenforanob]

Specifically SIL . Just feel that whatever I do is never good enough. I make regular phone calls, send flowers when times have been tough, send thoughtful/ personal presents at Xmas and birthdays, treat kids, watch what I say and I don't get any thanks. Why do I bother? Do you 'need' to get on with SIL? If it wasn't for fact we were SIL, she's not somebody I'd naturally gravitate towards. Just always feel inferior to her. There's quite a lot of history where I've felt like this but it'd take ages to type and it'd reveal me I'm sure!!

She's just not that into you.
Why not back off a bit, accept that you are quite different and maintain a polite acquaintance? It sounds like you are over invested in getting her to validate you but it's not working.

I wouldn't be blatantly rude, of course, but I certainly wouldn't go out of my way or waste money on people who show zero appreciation. I wouldn't bother with phone calls, either. What's the point?

Your efforts clearly aren't appreciated. Leave the birthday and Xmas stuff to your dh. .
She isn't your friend is she?

My SIL is like this. She's been married to my lovely brother for 22 years so it's not like we're recent acquaintances.
I just always feel like I've made a bad first impression before I even see her.
Sometimes she's nice but it's unusual.
I just let her get on with things and don't press our friendship.

My SIL has been married to my DB for 23 years. She is a lovely woman but we have nothing in common.

We maintain a polite relationship, help each other as needed and encourage our children to be friends.

We'll never be friends but we will never be enemies either!

Some people are just like that! Maybe you're just not her type of person. Try not to dwell on it and from now on stop making the effort

Thanks everyone. I like the "never be friends but never be enemies" line. She's my DH brother's wife. She does show zero appreciation. A classic was nephew's birthday a few months back - I ordered a present he'd been on about and a personalised gift.... Rely went to some effort for him. Got a bog standard text from her to say thanks but then she'd put on Facebook a gushing post about some other personalised gift for him from a friend and how lovely it was. Typical her. I feel like I could do something extra nice and special and it's just acknowledged a d somebody else does something similar and they are the best things since sliced bread.