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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That feeling of being used by all

15 replies

Rhubarbrumble · 12/07/2017 18:02

AIBU
To be upset at being given in effect an alloted time to take something over to eldest daughters home ?
Happens all the time or i will be told to wait outside in the car so she can take what ive had to bring over. I understand not all times are suitable but to be constantly be given a time and in effect a time to leave by am i right to be upset?

Feeling a damn site used by all my family and a friend at the moment tbh so its tipped me over the edge and ive full on thrown my toys out the pram at DH who is the worst of them all.

I had a breakdown 10 months ago. No one has helped. No one has ever asked how i am without adding their latest drama or request for help as obviously im free to do everyones bidding if i dont work etc

Feeling very angry and very upset at what i feel is lack of love and respect.

OP posts:

Justhadmyhaircut · 12/07/2017 18:03

Stop being her delivery service till she can be more respectful. .

Original poster

Rhubarbrumble · 12/07/2017 18:09

Phew i thought maybe i was being a really shitty mum feeling this way. Its been upsetting me all day . Thing is its not even taking stuff over. Its any visit. We are not allowed to drop by etc but she does to us.
There was a time i thought it was because of her partner and i know he hates it but surely you would understand and make sure not to behave this way..
Maybe im just upsetting myself due to starting counselling tomorow and no one bothering to care despite everything i put myself out to do.
Theyve all got a shock coming then as i need to stop aiming to please !

OP posts:

Allthebestnamesareused · 12/07/2017 18:13

Tell her that time doesn't work for you so she should feel free to come to collect said item when she is ready.

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 12/07/2017 18:14

Your daughter sounds like a bitch, plain and simple. Has it been ever thus?

Groupie123 · 12/07/2017 18:19

Tell your daughter in no uncertain terms that you are her mother not her maid. She wants something from now on, she gets it. And don't let her 'drop by' - all visits need to be scheduled.

Groupie123 · 12/07/2017 18:20

My cousin is like your daughter: thinks she's a hot shot because of her job. But the truth is she's a pathetic woman-child who can't do anything without her mum. Stop everything you do for her right away.

MaisieDotes · 12/07/2017 18:25

Are the things you're bringing over things that your DD has asked for? Or are they things you just want to give her?

My mother sometimes buys things (she suffers from buy-itis) in TK MAXX and places like that and then wants to drop them over straight away.

These are usually things we don't need or want.

However if your DD has requested the items then yanbu. Tell her to come and collect them next time!

Jayfee · 12/07/2017 18:32

sounds like the daughter in shirley valentine! no wonder her mum runs off to a greek island

Birdsgottaf1y · 12/07/2017 18:33

What time are you going over and what time do you stay until?

My eldest DD rocks up at my middle DDs at inappropriate times, my middle DD has a difficult/bad sleeping toddler, my eldest works shifts, so doesn't see an issue of turning up at 8.30pm.

My girls use the joke about me lingering, so I get the hint to leave. Some people don't take the hint, though.

Original poster

Rhubarbrumble · 12/07/2017 18:34

They are things she has asked for x

OP posts:

Original poster

Rhubarbrumble · 12/07/2017 18:37

Ive never just turned up and dont end up staying long so its not that. Its more she will ask and ill agree and then like last night be given a 20 min slot .sounds funny when i say it outloud but its all the time

OP posts:

Original poster

Rhubarbrumble · 12/07/2017 18:40

Its just upsetting when ive honest to god never just turned up and have never stayed for hours .just upsetting to feel im on the clock i guess. In other ways shes a very loving girl but on this is reallt upsets me. Guess i need to grow a pair and tell her.

OP posts:

peekyboo · 12/07/2017 18:48

Maybe just ask her why rather than tell her? In her mind there could be a completely valid reason she does it that wouldn't occur to most people? E.g. is she anxious, does she need to know when everything is happening and for how long? Or is she super-organised in other areas of life and used to people fitting in with it?

If you've never overstayed your welcome or just turned up then there must be some other reason, possibly nothing to do with you personally. Still difficult though.

BenLui · 12/07/2017 18:53

Sorry sweetheart that doesn't suit me. I'll leave it in the kitchen (or wherever) pick it up when you have time.

HazelBite · 12/07/2017 19:26

Op I feel your pain, since I retired in January I appear to be at everyone's beck and call.
I am now laundry monitor, constant cook, arranger in chief and general go-for for the family, my dreams of visiting art galleries, joining some classes meeting up with old friends have come to nothing.
When I was at work it was different the family's expectations were different. I feel tricked and resentful.

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