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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for not wanting to send my 2 year old to pre school?

41 replies

Giantwhoopsie · 12/07/2017 14:45

Everyone keeps telling me I should send my 2 year old to pre school in September, she'll be 2yrs 5 months. I'm currently on maternity leave with my second child so I don't have any childcare needs for sending her to pre school but everyone keeps telling me she would benefit from going a couple of mornings a week and I should start her for her sake.

We go to several toddler groups each week including a music class and Forest school so she does have the opportunity to mix with other 2 year olds and is learning new things plus we're teaching her colours and numbers and sing nursery rhymes etc.

When we go to groups she's very happy and joins in but she also keeps me within her sight . I will be sending her to nursery next year once she's 3 but I'm not starting to wonder if I'm being unfair to her and she will miss out by not going in September.

Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:

sycamoresally · 12/07/2017 14:47

It's totally your call.

my DC definitely benefitted from gaining a bit of independence from me and learning to socialise without me always being there.

MrsOverTheRoad · 12/07/2017 14:48

YANBU. It's all very well for those who need it but you're happy to keep her with you. She's TINY still.

Nothing wrong with it if people feel the need but it's not mandatory and you shouldn't feel any pressure whatsoever.

When people say "Oh she should be in preschool" just say "Oh she's got YEARS of education coming up...we're fine as we are till' nursery begins!"

RicStar · 12/07/2017 14:48

Nope - I would only send her if you might want a bit of a break / time with younger DC or to secure a place - as they can be hard to get mid school year but if neither of those apply then it is absolutely not a problem.

ShowOfHands · 12/07/2017 14:50

I didn't send mine because I had no reason to. They didn't need to go at all. They transitioned easily at 3 and 4 respectively.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 12/07/2017 14:52

The pre-school I signed my twins up for assessed them as being too young at two to go into the two year old program (two mornings a week without parents). One of my DDs was a very late developer and their birthdays are in the Summer. Instead they went to a younger two year old program where the children and their parents went together one morning a week - probably similar to what you do with your DD at the moment.

They went into the three year old program with the other three year olds the following year and did not miss out at all.

kaytee87 · 12/07/2017 15:14

Yanbu. Several studies suggest that children don't benefit from nursery until they are 3. If you are working, exhausted, touched out etc then the parent obviously benefits from sending the child and by default the child then benefits but if they don't need to go and the parent doesn't want them to there is no benefit at a young age.

Nix32 · 12/07/2017 15:18

Completely agree. Neither of mine went until they were 3. We had a lovely time at home until then. There is no need to get them 'ready' for school this young.

BrieOnAnOatcake · 12/07/2017 15:18

I absolutely wouldbt. There's no benefit for most kids until 3 anyway so unless you need the childcare I really wouldnt. Year before school is fine!

OlennasWimple · 12/07/2017 15:22

Entirely up to you. But I would say that it can be nice to have some 1:1 time with the younger DC too. PFB get so much concentrated parental attention, it can be nice to give some of that to subsequent DC too

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 12/07/2017 15:23

It's entirely up to you. My DS is 2.5 and does one morning, he loves it and it's been fantastic for his development. He'll be going 2 mornings from September.

EchidnasPhone · 12/07/2017 15:33

Completely agree. None of my children have been to nursery until they 4 starting school at 5. No transition issues at all. I think it's definitely about what fits with your family but it can be super frustrating having to defend/restate your decision especially if it's not the norm in your area.

RandomUsernameHere · 12/07/2017 15:35

YANBU at all. My DC are starting in September and have just turned 3. Don't give in to pressure from other people! A lot of people say "oh I don't know how you do it" (ie look after them every day) but I gave up work precisely because I want to look after them myself.

Letitrain · 12/07/2017 16:08

I think it's a recent thing, sending tiny children to pre school? My children (late twenties now) had a couple of hours at play group each week when they were 4 and then started school at 5.

BrieOnAnOatcake · 12/07/2017 16:10

Yep v recent.

heyduggeeallday · 12/07/2017 16:13

My ds (2yr 3months) is starting in September. He is a very very active so I feel he will benefit plus I am starting Uni full time in September

BrieOnAnOatcake · 12/07/2017 16:14

I think childcare whole at uni/work makes sense but for me just for the sake of it doesn't.

NicolasFlamel · 12/07/2017 16:17

I wouldn't worry. 2.5 is still so little and if you do lots of things together at home I can't see much benefit of doing preschool just because.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 12/07/2017 16:19

Mirroring pp's here, it's totally your call, dd is starting in september aged 3 (3 in sep) but she doesn't have much interaction with other children apart from the odd soft play and family play dates, this is why I want her to go or to be honest I probably wouldn't send her at all.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 12/07/2017 16:19

As far as I remember the research says under 3s benefit most from time with a primary carer (lots to do with the oppertunity to actually having conversations with the adult) if that helps you. I"m more of a 'this is what works for our family' type.
Disclaimer: My kids have never been to nursery

sofreakingnoisy · 12/07/2017 16:24

We sent my daughter at 2.5. She'd outgrown the toddler groups here as she'd been going for 2.5 years and finding stuff that both her and her baby brother could do together was hard. She's pretty bright and knew her colours, numbers to 20 and a handful of letters before she went and I found I was constantly having to buy new things to stimulate her, like letter puzzles, number games, craft bits and pieces.
By her going to preschool she's entertained and engaged for 3 hours 3 times a week, learns new songs, they have more resources than I do and she gets to socialise with 23 other children. I could have waited until she was 3 to send her, but I felt she needed a bit more than I could give her especially with a younger baby.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 12/07/2017 16:26

I had people saying the same thing to me about my eldest child.
I didn't need childcare and he just didn't seem ready at the time. I also enjoyed being with him, so it seemed odd to me to send him to preschool so young.
As he has a December birthday I waited until he was nearly 4 and he had a year at preschool in the end. Even at nearly 4 it took him a while to get used to it.
My youngest will start preschool in September and he will be 3 1/2. I have had people ask why he isn't already going and I have the same answer.
Then they react like they think I'm odd for enjoying spending lots of time with my own children!

stitchglitched · 12/07/2017 16:27

It's your choice, she's still very little. My DD is entitled to 2 year funding so I could have sent her to pre school back in Jan but I chose not to as I felt she was too young and I wanted her with me. But now I think she is ready and it will do her good so she will start a couple of mornings a week from Sept when she will be 2yrs 9 months. She visited for the open day and loved it, didn't want to leave. Plus I have an older DC with SN who I currently home ed so think it will be good to have more time just with him (and give me a bit of a break!)

drinkingtea · 12/07/2017 16:30

There's no need at all for well socialized under 3s with a well educated, happy and emotionally present main care giver who gives them plenty of input.

From age 3 it's arguably more beneficial to have more time with peers, and certainly if you intend to send the child to school some time in preschool usually makes it easier to settle.

Generally though if you enjoy being with your 2 year old and do lots with them including regular time with other young kids, and talk to them endlessly, it is neither here nor there whether you use preschool or childcare and it is of no real benefit to a child under 3. Does no harm either if you want a break though.

heyduggeeallday · 12/07/2017 16:35

Sofreaking this is why I'm sending my son in September. He's very bright and loves to be busy

PymelaAnderson · 12/07/2017 16:38

Mine won't be going until they get free hours at 3 and even then my gut instinct is that it's not the best thing for them. That's not to say that I think being at home is necessarily the best thing either.

However, the government wants people to work, because it generates tax. If I go out to work and pay tax and someone else has a job looking after my child, that person will also pay tax. It's better for the economy to encourage people to work and thus sustain demand for childcare. In addition to this, most households require two incomes to pay the mortgage. Also, plenty of people wouldn't want to be a SAHP and traditionally there has been more pressure on women to reduce hours/take career breaks than men which is something feminism has sought to redress. Lastly, the government has no incentives to help SAHPs back to work after a break caring for children.

If the government came out and said "actually, we have found that children benefit from being with a parent until school age," it would cause chaos. People would either feel terrible that they had to send their kids to childcare and/or demand that the government puts in place things which support having a SAHP. There would be a loss in taxes and fewer nursery staff or childminders needed, and lots of people needing retraining and assistance to re-enter the workplace after taking time out.

Much better to make everyone think childcare is the best option, and to put policies in place to make this attractive. It may well be best, but my feeling is that we see should be making it easier for parents to look after their own children until school if that's what they both want rather than treating SAHPs as though looking after their children is somehow holding the child back.

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