To think my friend shouldn't be trying to live out her dreams through her daughter

[user1485342611]

I have a friend who would love to have been an actor or dancer but never got the opportunities. She has sent her daughter (now aged 11) to ballet and drama classes from a very young ager. The daughter is a sporty child who has never really taken to either activity and is now insisting she wants to give them up because they clash with basketball practise in school and with a running club she wants to join in September.

My friend is genuinely furious and upset about this. I can understand her being disappointed, but to be honest it's been obvious for ages that this child is not a dancer or actress and has other interests and talents.

AIBU to think she is being unfair to make her child feel guilty for giving up on something that has never been her own dream in the first place, but her mother's?

YANBU. It's a shame for her not fulfilling her dream but forcing her child to take part in clubs she doesn't enjoy to live vicariously through her is unfair.

Can she not do some AmDram herself if that's her passion? Let her child do what she wants?

Of course YANBU. Your friend needs to wise up. Furious indeed...

YANBU at all but it's not your business unfortunately.
I was an actress for 10 years, I loved it but it's not for everyone and she sounds a bit deluded.

Can you not just say "i don't think she wants to be an actress or a dancer. I think you are just going to have to accept that and support what she does enjoy" next time she mentions it.

I agree it's none of my business, but she was going on about it a bit this morning and saying she's really annoyed with her daughter, all the money they've spent, if she'd just put more effort into it she'd be really good etc etc.

I had to bite my tongue not to tell her to just let it go. It's her daughter's life and no amount of dragging her to classes is going to give her an interest/aptitude for ballet or acting.

YANBU, but until your friend cops onto her horrible behaviour and realises for herself, there's nothing you can really do.

YANBU. Have you gently suggested AmDram and Adult Ballet classes to the Mother?

I think children having any outside interest is wonderful - doesn't matter whether it be arts, sports, whatever. The main thing is your child enjoying it, because if not, what's the point?